Caregiving

THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days]. To participate, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your comment. Click on reply again. Grief & Loss Team  🤗

Making our own Medicare decisions is challenging enough, and then some of us also help our loved ones choose their Medicare plans (or do it for them). On top of all the other caregiving tasks there can be a lot of pressure around choosing Medicare plans - it’s so complicated and confusing! AARP has resources to help. Check out my post in the Medicare forum here in the AARP Online Community HERE:You’ll find a list of resources - and if you have questions that aren’t answered in the resources, I can get help from our Medicare experts!!  Take care,Amy GoyerAARP Natl. Family & Caregiving Expert  

As I age, I have been looking for a complete guide for end of life planning which would include all information pertaining to my family having access to info like passwords, legal contacts, insurance, monthly bills,etc as they transition into handling issues I deal with daily. there are several retail products available, like nokbox but I was trying to see if AARP has any product or recommendation. Unfortunately, there is nothing on the website nor the agent I spoke with had nothing as well.Perhaps this might be something that could be explored as a benefit or product. 

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one (or a job, home, lifestyle, friend, ability...there are so many types of losses). This year, with the pandemic, grief is even more complex, and we are all likely grieving the loss of some of our treasured holiday traditions this year.  Regardless of the type of loss you are experiencing, grief is unique to everyone. There is no one right way to grieve. We all just need to do what feels right to us and try to have healthy outlets (like expressing yourself in this Online Community).  I originally wrote this column in 2012 after my niece died from suicide just after New Year's. That Christmas of 2012 was incredibly difficult for all of us. But I learned a lot. This year I've updated the column to reflect our current pandemic situation.  I hope some of my tips will help carry you through this season. Please share what you've learned in the comments below! Sending you peace and comfort this holiday season and throughout the year. 

Morning, It is so nice to know AARP has a group I can connect with in this time of need. Thank you, Deborah D Carter

It’s been 15 months since my husband of 50+ years  died and it’s been worst than the first few months were. How do I ever move on?

Hi everyone.  I lost my dad Thanksgiving weekend.  He and I did everything together--we were gym buddies for 27 years (our last workout together was one year and 3 days before he passed).  We shared lots of hobbies: antique cars, Civil War history, etc.  It's been very difficult. The worst is when something unexpectedly reminds you.  I was at the dentist the other day when the song "Everything I Own" by Bread came on.  It was just awful!  Especially since I distinctly remember when I was a child and my dad explained to me that David Gates wrote that song when his own father died. It looks like you have some great resources here, and I've already signed up for a webinar. Thanks, Dana

My college roommate was my roommate for life- found we were cousins, I was her caregiver for 28 years after a devastating car accident . Hit from behind by govt van. Weasley lawyer ( he looked like a weasel) got him off. She died 6/7/2024. I’m now along for the first time in my life. I’m 74 and quite alone. No family nearby. Still trying to navigate isolation, silence, boredom. I miss her so much, but she is hale and healthy now and I will see her again. 

 I am feeling so lonely since my husband passed away.  The house is so silent.  I'm trying to do things with friends, but even when I am laughing with them, inside I feel like crying.  I feel so empty inside!  😞 

Hi, I am brand new to reaching out in forums to find answers.  About a year ago we found my 56 year old sister dead, she appeared to have just passed away in her sleep.  She had not been answering her phone or her text for like 18 hours so me, my husband, and her best friend headed over to her house because something was definitely wrong.  I had the spare key so I went in first and found her dead, laying in bed, like she was just watching television.  I did call 911 right away and they sent a squad over right away.  After taking in the scene and interviewing us, he did call the Medical Examiner who also responded to the scene as well.  Because there was no apparent cause of death, he ordered her to be taken to the Medical Examiners Office for an autopsy.  Long story short her cause of death appears to be from an accidental acute mixture of prescription drugs.  We also discovered that she had polycystic kidney and polycystic liver disease.  N

I LOSS MY 24 year old daughter 16 years ago but still feels like yesterday..was hoping for a group that understands and be there for each other

Lost my husband 6 years ago but can’t seem to move forward. i was his caregiver and miss his presence every day. I need help living my life without him. 

Thursday 7/2 at 11:16 AM I lost mt wife of 40 years. I was her caretaker for 16 years. I worked as well during most of that. To get her to relax I promised her I would hold her hand until she was out and that I'd be there when she woke up. She never woke up. The last promise I made to her was a lie and I have to live with that.  I have spent the last 54 hours reliving every time I raised my voice at her.  I am a ;ost soul.

II am attending a grief workshop thru my church for six weeks.  I also attended a 4 week similar workshop in the Fall but this one uses a very good book on grief as a guide for discussion and also includes a journal to write thoughts.  The bottom line seems to be that everyone has their own grief journey to make and whatever you are feeling at a certain time of day or night is perfectly legitimate.  One of my sons said to me that in the spring and summer it will be easier because then I'll be outside gardening and doing yardwork.  That's true.  It has been a long sometimes dreary winter but that doesn't change the fact that I will still be by myself puttering around in the yard and remembering the flower beds he made for me and the deck on the porch.  It kinds of stabs me in the heart.  I continue to cycle thru these first holidays and it isn't that easy but what is the alternative? I have alot to look forward to also. Thanks for letting me share some

One of the most difficult tasks for caregivers is to find the money to pay for care. It's often like a puzzle with many pieces coming together to finance the overall care.  If you're caregiving for someone at home (in their own home or your home), there are services and supports available through the aging network and other organizations which bring care and help to your loved ones at home or are offered in the local community. These services are called "Home- and Community-Based" services. The services are often available at no cost or at a reduced cost, or on a sliding-fee-scale (the cost is based on the recipient's ability to pay). Some services are based on income (for example if they are provided through Medicaid), but many are not income-based and are available to any older adult or person with a disability.  Home- and community-based services may include: Senior centers Adult daycares Congregate meal sites Home-delivered meal programs Personal care from a care aide, home

My oldest brother was my mentor friend historian in last few years of his 88 yrs we talked on phone 3-4 times a week. He supported me in so many ways as my husband in midst of Alzheimer’s gratefully Mary Ellen  

When someone you love is nearing the end of life, it can be hard to know what to expect or how best to help. Sometimes, care means holding a hand, playing a favorite song or simply sitting together.This AARP article offers guidance on providing comfort, honoring your loved one’s wishes and leaning on the hospice team for support. It also shares a reassuring reminder: Taking a break to rest or care for yourself doesn’t diminish your love or dedication.Read: How Caregivers Can Prepare for a Loved One’s Final DaysIf you feel comfortable sharing, what has helped you feel supported during end-of-life caregiving—or what do you wish someone had told you? Your experience may help another caregiver feel less alone.

After a while, following the death of someone close to you, you begin to have moments and sometimes a few hours during which you feel absorbed in something pleasant, and “forget” to think about your loved one. Do you sometimes feel a pang of guilt when you’ve had a good time “without her/him?”  One antidote to feeling disloyal and guilty for feeling good for a change, is to imagine that your loved one is smiling down at you and cheering you on. That they’d approve of your enjoyment if they were still on this earth.Do any of you feel this way sometimes?

I know some people would look at this question and immediately think of the 'grief' connected to the passing of a loved one, but I am asking about the grief that comes with losing your independence due to medical conditions. How does one manage knowing they are losing their sense of self and what their life was vs to what it has become?

Hi everyone! I wanted to make sure you all know that AARP is now offering virtual, online caregiver support groups where you can talk, live, with your fellow caregivers! I facilitate the Monday group at 3:30 pm ET and my colleague Jane Lincoln facilitates the Thursday group at 7 pm ET.We will be adding more groups soon, so keep checking if these times don’t work for you! (I’ll provide updates here in the Online Community when we add mtg times). You can go to this link to sign up! https://www.heypeers.com/organizations/173 Sign up for up to 5 mtgs at a time and you can keep signing up for more after each meeting you attend. You can attend every week as many times as you’d like, or you can drop in now and then when you can. You’ll find lots of empathy, listening ears, humor, resources and much support in our virtual groups! Hope to see you there! Take care,Amy Goyer, AARP Natl. Family & Caregiving Expert   

Caregiving can be very draining, isolating and exhausting - even when we want to care for our loved ones.  How do you fill our tank so you can keep going? What helps you recharge your batteries? What nurtures your soul so you can continue to care for you loved ones?!  P.S. If you need ideas, our free Care for the Caregiver guide includes so practical things you can do every day! www.AARP.org/careforthecaregiver  Take care,Amy Goyer, AARP Natl. Family & Caregiving Expert

Great day, I am looking for an online Caregiver support group. I work full-time and take care of my Mom. Seeking a safe space to connect with other caregivers.

Mom's 82 and lives a few hours away. She's mostly independent so I didn't see this coming, but the admin side of her life has slowly become a part-time job for me. This week alone I've spent an hour on hold with her supplemental insurance about a denied claim I still don't fully understand, two Medicare letters I had to read three times before I could explain them to her, a prescription that ran out because nobody at the pharmacy seemed to know whose job the refill was and a specialist referral that's been sitting in my inbox because I haven't had a clear hour to deal with it.I don't mind doing it. I just feel constantly behind and keep worrying I'm missing something important.How do other people manage this? I tried a shared calendar with my brother but it just became another thing I have to update. Genuinely curious what's worked for you.

I just took your quiz "Quiz: Caring for Someone With Dementia" and it made me think. My wife passed away with Lewy Body Dementia and I was wondering if you could maybe do a piece on the different forms of dementia. Also would one "cure" work with all types? We hear of Alzheimer's all the time but very little on other forms.