Caregiving

THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days]. To participate, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your comment. Click on reply again. Grief & Loss Team  🤗

... do you wonder, now that you are alone, how you will take care of yourself or be taken care of if you live into your 80's?

I lost my wife of 49 years in October. She was in generally good health and died unexpectedly of a cerebral aneurysm. I'm hoping the exchanges here can answer some questions, provide some same- experienced support,  and some comfort. Thanks. 

I lost my Dad on October 27, 2026.  He was alone when he passed away.  I am feeling unbearable sad tonight.  I feel like I let him down.  I wasn't with him last Thanksgiving or Christmas cause I had to work.  I missed his birthday party back in June.  I didn't know those were all going to be his last ones.  I feel soooo guilty and horrible.  I am single and live alone and don't have any close friends.  My two sisters have husbands to turn to and I have noone.  We laid him to rest last wednesday november 4.  I haven't cried since that day.  Tonight I am inconsolable from guilt and grief.  I have nowhere to turn in the middle of the night.

 I am feeling so lonely since my husband passed away.  The house is so silent.  I'm trying to do things with friends, but even when I am laughing with them, inside I feel like crying.  I feel so empty inside!  😞 

My mom has Alzheimer’s. I am having a tough time finding someone to come for at least 8-12 hours a day. She is still trying to drive and can’t complete full sentences that make any sense. 

it has been a year since my lost of late oldest daughter.  i miss her each and every day.

I know some people would look at this question and immediately think of the 'grief' connected to the passing of a loved one, but I am asking about the grief that comes with losing your independence due to medical conditions. How does one manage knowing they are losing their sense of self and what their life was vs to what it has become?

Are you caregiving in a rural area?WATCH: Caregiving in America: The Heart of CommunityDateNov 18, 2026Time5:30pm - 6:30pm MT (4:30 pm PT 6:30 CT, 7:30 ET)Venue: YouTube and TVLocation: Virtual (Note: This is a live television broadcast on RFD-TV, not a Zoom webinar.)Caregiving can look different depending on where you live.In rural areas, limited access to services, long travel distances and smaller support networks can add to the demands of caring for a loved one.Rural caregivers also rely on strong community connections.Tune in to this episode of Rural America Live with AARP, a live one-hour call-in show on the RFD-TV cable network, for practical resources and tips.What You'll Get Ideas for building a caregiving team Ways to find caregiving support and resources Tips for making time for self-care while caring for others A chance to call in with your questions during the live show Who It's For People 50 and older and their families, especially those caring for a loved one in a rur

My sweetheart died a year ago. The most difficult thing is getting help...to do yard work, handyman projects or even someone to pick me up after a medical procedure.   Gah. I am moving to be closer to family in the spring,  but it's going to be a long winter.

When everyday costs go up, family caregiving can become even more challenging.AARP is hosting a free tele-town hall to discuss how rising costs are affecting families, what caregivers should know, and where to find help.This free live Q&A event will cover practical ways for caregivers to save time, save money and ease stress on their journey. We’ll also share how AARP is fighting for solutions that can support family caregivers and older Americans.Join us to hear how caregivers can:- Navigate household expenses- Prepare for caregiving needs- Connect with helpful resourcesCaregiving specialists will be joining us to share answers live, so be sure to come with your caregiving questions!Speakers:• Beth Pinsker, Journalist and Caregiver• Rita Choula, Senior Director of Caregiving, AARP• Nicole Duritz, Director of Family and Caregiving, AARPFOLLOW THIS LINKE AND CLICK “GOING” TO REGISTER FOR THE EVENT:  https://www.facebook.com/share/1BVxMYym4n/Then, on Nov. 30th, join the Facebook live

 As we head into the holidays, which will undoubtedly be different this year, here is my 3rd tip for caregivers:Start new traditionsInstead of focusing on losses and what you and/or your loved ones aren’t able to do this year, try doing something new!Holiday Lights: Try driving through a holiday light display - you are safe in your car! They have become quite popular and this year I anticipate many communities will have them - you can look online for "holiday light displays" in your area. Even neighborhoods or streets on which most houses decorate make a nice driving destination (my family always does that)!Concerts: Watch all of the holiday concerts on TV or computer. I'm guessing there will be even more available this year - my Dad loved watching them on TV. There are usually several on the PBS channel and you can check local listings and your streaming channels too. Some AARP state offices will even be offering holiday concerts online!Video chat meals and more: If holiday gathe

I lost my husband of 51 years on July 26th the day before my birthday. After a long battle of congenital heart failure.  As a care provider John was my total focus and my faith was he was being healed and I could not see that he was getting weaker. So I am still asking the question why my husband and I have not been able to move forward. 

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one (or a job, home, lifestyle, friend, ability...there are so many types of losses). This year, with the pandemic, grief is even more complex, and we are all likely grieving the loss of some of our treasured holiday traditions this year.  Regardless of the type of loss you are experiencing, grief is unique to everyone. There is no one right way to grieve. We all just need to do what feels right to us and try to have healthy outlets (like expressing yourself in this Online Community).  I originally wrote this column in 2012 after my niece died from suicide just after New Year's. That Christmas of 2012 was incredibly difficult for all of us. But I learned a lot. This year I've updated the column to reflect our current pandemic situation.  I hope some of my tips will help carry you through this season. Please share what you've learned in the comments below! Sending you peace and comfort this holiday season and throughout the year. 

My mother died recently, approximately four months ago. She was in her mid 90s.. Over 30 years ago she purchased a funeral plan that was paid up in full in or around 2008. Trying to get the company to honor the plan has been a complete nightmare. The company has also changed hands, merged over the years. The latest company first said they had no record of my mom’s funeral plan. But when the company was told my mother kept good records, letters from all the times the company merged, changed names, sold out, we were told “we misunderstood” and they weren’t the part of the company to handle the claim. The company has given the funeral home the runaround too. Together with my mom’s savings and what she’d put aside and the family paying upfront in full, mom had a beautiful send off. All expenses paid. So that’s not the issue. The issue is the company giving us the run around. And after looking up the company on BBB, it seems there are lots of other surviving family members having the same p

I highly recommend AARP to use ypur leverage and expertise in pushing pharmaceutical companies and insurance carriers to make better efforts in reducing suffering caused by reactions ro cancer treatments. I have so many senior cancer patients who suffer because of cancer medications. We need updated senior cancer care protocols. 

Lost my best friend on Halloween last year. It was a fluke that she died, it should never have happened. She would never believe she would be gone . She was my fun friend, always up for a good time. We lived five minutes from each other and carpooled for 25 years. We taught together . Since she died life hasn't been the same. I have friends but they don't do anything, just lunch. Or I have to drive. It's such a lonely feeling

I’ve been reading a lot of threads here about pharmacies, Medicare letters, rides to appointments and finding help at home. Many of the errands that should be simple end up taking a whole day. I’d love to hear your stories. Think about the last time something like this happened to you or someone you help. What was it, what did you try first, and what finally worked (or didn’t)?

Thursday 7/2 at 11:16 AM I lost mt wife of 40 years. I was her caretaker for 16 years. I worked as well during most of that. To get her to relax I promised her I would hold her hand until she was out and that I'd be there when she woke up. She never woke up. The last promise I made to her was a lie and I have to live with that.  I have spent the last 54 hours reliving every time I raised my voice at her.  I am a ;ost soul.

Hi, I am brand new to reaching out in forums to find answers.  About a year ago we found my 56 year old sister dead, she appeared to have just passed away in her sleep.  She had not been answering her phone or her text for like 18 hours so me, my husband, and her best friend headed over to her house because something was definitely wrong.  I had the spare key so I went in first and found her dead, laying in bed, like she was just watching television.  I did call 911 right away and they sent a squad over right away.  After taking in the scene and interviewing us, he did call the Medical Examiner who also responded to the scene as well.  Because there was no apparent cause of death, he ordered her to be taken to the Medical Examiners Office for an autopsy.  Long story short her cause of death appears to be from an accidental acute mixture of prescription drugs.  We also discovered that she had polycystic kidney and polycystic liver disease.  N

Mom's 82 and lives a few hours away. She's mostly independent so I didn't see this coming, but the admin side of her life has slowly become a part-time job for me. This week alone I've spent an hour on hold with her supplemental insurance about a denied claim I still don't fully understand, two Medicare letters I had to read three times before I could explain them to her, a prescription that ran out because nobody at the pharmacy seemed to know whose job the refill was and a specialist referral that's been sitting in my inbox because I haven't had a clear hour to deal with it.I don't mind doing it. I just feel constantly behind and keep worrying I'm missing something important.How do other people manage this? I tried a shared calendar with my brother but it just became another thing I have to update. Genuinely curious what's worked for you.

Sometimes as caregivers we feel so unappreciated. Does anyone notice what we are doing? Does anyone care? A little bit of support can go a very long way…What makes you feel supported? What have people done that helped you?  Take care,Amy Goyer, AARP Natl. Family & Caregiving Expert

Hi Everyone,My mother is in the throws of mid-to-later stage dementia which hit hard and fast. She is completely unable to care for herself, feeding, incontinence, speech and reasoning all now heavily compromised. I will review responses and links provided here which look very helpful. I am looking for best practices, at-home assistance, and financial considerations for staying at home to care for her. Thank you. 

Making our own Medicare decisions is challenging enough, and then some of us also help our loved ones choose their Medicare plans (or do it for them). On top of all the other caregiving tasks there can be a lot of pressure around choosing Medicare plans - it’s so complicated and confusing! AARP has resources to help. Check out my post in the Medicare forum here in the AARP Online Community HERE:You’ll find a list of resources - and if you have questions that aren’t answered in the resources, I can get help from our Medicare experts!!  Take care,Amy GoyerAARP Natl. Family & Caregiving Expert