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SherreeC32928
Contributor ⭐
July 18, 2026

How do you manage grief?

  • July 18, 2026
  • 2 replies
  • 288 views

I know some people would look at this question and immediately think of the 'grief' connected to the passing of a loved one, but I am asking about the grief that comes with losing your independence due to medical conditions. How does one manage knowing they are losing their sense of self and what their life was vs to what it has become?

      2 replies

      EleanorG447240
      Contributor ⭐⭐
      September 29, 2026

      The grief you are referring to is very real. I am 66 years old, and I qualified for SS disability when I was 52. I had 8 orthopedic surgeries in my 50s. I felt like I lost that decade. And now, due to the spinal fusions I had, I have developed scoliosis- 3 inches of height loss already. I have developed COPD on top of the other stuff. Anger and depression are common companions.

      I do have a therapist that I love. I also see a psychiatrist for meds. I hate that I am dependent on my husband for so much. I overheard my youngest son say to my husband, “I wish my mom was back!” This broke my heart. We used to be so close; I mourn the loss of the me I used to be: active, able to cook dinner, go grocery shopping, walk and hike for exercise, and the intimacy with my husband.

      For me, getting older sucks!

      What gets me going are my grandchildren. They are my bright spot!

        JaneCares
        JaneCares
        Conversationalist ⭐⭐⭐
        July 20, 2026

        Hi Sherree. Gosh that's a tough one. And it feels like the last chapter of our lives is adjusting to these losses. I used to work as a social worker in various oncology settings, including an inpatient unit and different chemotherapy clinics. One of my fellow social workers told me: there's always hope, but what you hope for will probably change. I think those are wise words. We can't walk long distances anymore, but we can have fun on a scooter! (My wife has MS and we're starting to shop for a scooter now. We might not watch a grandchild graduate high school, but we can read them stories now. We can't do yoga anymore, but there's a think called chair yoga. Who knew?? 

         

        There's grief and understandable anger and disappointment as bits of independence get sheered off. What does that look like for you?

         

        Glad you posted, we are here,

         

        Jane

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