Caregiving Connect

We're glad you're here. Whether you're caring for a spouse, parent, family member, friend, or planning for future caregiving needs, AARP Caregiving Connect is a place to ask questions, share experiences, exchange advice, and connect with others who understand the caregiving journey. Before You Post Please remember that this is a public discussion forum. To help protect your privacy and the privacy of those you care for, please avoid sharing personal information such as: Home addresses Phone numbers Email addresses Financial information Insurance or policy numbers Medical record numbers Other sensitive personal details  When discussing caregiving situations, consider limiting details that could identify you or your loved one. You're Not Alone Caregiving can be rewarding, challenging, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. This community brings together caregivers from diverse backgrounds and experiences who are willing to share what they've learned and offer support along th

I am looking for ways to get a break from care giving. what options have you found available, and affordable? 

I just took your quiz "Quiz: Caring for Someone With Dementia" and it made me think. My wife passed away with Lewy Body Dementia and I was wondering if you could maybe do a piece on the different forms of dementia. Also would one "cure" work with all types? We hear of Alzheimer's all the time but very little on other forms. 

I know some people would look at this question and immediately think of the 'grief' connected to the passing of a loved one, but I am asking about the grief that comes with losing your independence due to medical conditions. How does one manage knowing they are losing their sense of self and what their life was vs to what it has become?

Mom fights me every step of the way.  currently in transition from broken hip, in rehab but insurance says she's discharged.  Made it 3 hours at home and took her back (not covered) due to home phone disconnected and she insisted there is no password on her cell phone so that gets disabled every time she tries to dial out for 16 hours now, could not leave her alone. Taking her to find a new general doctor this morning, her previous one died 2 months ago and she didn't tell us.  She was independent before the last fall but has become worse in the hospital/rehab for a month.  Continues to argue about everything and insists she "can do it herself". As an added complication, we have never really gotten along.  When taking her back to rehab it was a prolonged screaming event.  My husband and I are struggling.

Mom's 82 and lives a few hours away. She's mostly independent so I didn't see this coming, but the admin side of her life has slowly become a part-time job for me. This week alone I've spent an hour on hold with her supplemental insurance about a denied claim I still don't fully understand, two Medicare letters I had to read three times before I could explain them to her, a prescription that ran out because nobody at the pharmacy seemed to know whose job the refill was and a specialist referral that's been sitting in my inbox because I haven't had a clear hour to deal with it.I don't mind doing it. I just feel constantly behind and keep worrying I'm missing something important.How do other people manage this? I tried a shared calendar with my brother but it just became another thing I have to update. Genuinely curious what's worked for you.

My family is struggling to find short-term respite care for a loved one, and it’s been emotionally exhausting. We want care that’s safe, kind, and trustworthy, but it’s hard to know where to turn or what to look for. I’d really appreciate your suggestions or advice

Hi, I've been caring for my dad since my mom passed 3 years ago. I've come to the emotional and difficult decision that I need to put some things in place for us. Live in Chicago and looking for a lawyer to handle securing finances, medical and financial POAs, as well as advice for dealing with getting him set up in the future for applying for Medicaid.

My wife has dementia and I cannot depend on her to dial 911 or speed dial someone to come and help me. I want to learn which item to get. An apple watch? I need it to notice that I'm in distress and call for help.  

Hello, I am kind of overwhelmed.  For my mother, I am looking at medical alert devices and cannot decide on the best one (wrist watch).  I am leaning towards Bay Alarm Medical and Medical Guardian. Does anyone have any experiences with either company? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Don

My wife of 50 years has an altered mental state due to sepsis.  She's in the hospital now but demanding to return home instead of a skilled nursing facility.  She hallucinates and is quite angry with me for not jus taking her home.  Since her hospitalization, she cannot walk or even stand up.  Of course, I'm not angry with her..I love her...but I'm devastated that she cannot return to the life we had before sepsis.  I sit here sobbing.

Hi everyone, I’m trying to find dependable adult home care for my uncle in Washington, but I’m honestly not sure where to begin. He needs some help with daily activities at home, and I want to make sure he’s getting the right support. I’ve been searching online but the options are a bit overwhelming, so I’d really appreciate any suggestions or guidance from people who have gone through this before. Thanks in advance.. -Mary

I am looking for services and tips to support reorganizing a home to support aging in place (Ex. Kitchen cabinets, closets, laundry room).

The holidays are over! (Phew!) It's winter time. Hopefully the routine is re-established and there's a bit of calm in the air. Now's a time when you can plan a break for yourself as a caregiver. Plan ahead for, say, March or April. A break that's more than a weekend if possible. Here are some ideas on how to do it, starting now so that you have the pleasure of anticipation, and also enough time to think of all that's needed for true respite.   Things to think about:  * Where do you want to go?  A four day trip to see a favorite cousin? A flight to see your favorite niece and nephew? How much time? Will you stay with them or rent an Air BnB? This is partly about budgeting, and partly about how much time. Allow a day before and after to pack/unpack, etc.  * What do you need to 'replace you' for the time you're gone?   For that last one, which is huge: Make a list of all that you do, the schedule for when you are away, the tasks, the back up plan. Who in your fami

Any tips for caregiver of a newly Blind adult?

Help I need an elder law attorney in Chicago. I have power of attorney over my mom and her facility is denying me access to her.

My 97 year old Dad doesn’t accept he can no longer do things he has done in the past such as using power tools. He is all about himself. He has a huge ego. He becomes angry and bossy. He becomes mean to his daughter..the one who does many things for him. More so when he has his nightly cocktail. He seems to forget and stretch stories. He had been very sharp up to a year ago when he lost his companion.

99 year old mother in memory care. Her California ID will need renewing soon. I am her POA and need to know if I should put nursing home address as her home address and mine as mailing address or just use mine for both.

 My mother passed away in February 2019. On her deathbed, I made her a promise — that I would take care of my aging stepfather. A few years later, we discovered the home she and my stepfather purchased in Chickasha, Oklahoma was in serious need of repairs. It had no central heat and air, outdated electrical wiring, and some minor plumbing issues. My spouse and I even considered refinancing our own house just to cover the costs. But after a lot of research, I found something most people don’t know about — a little-known USDA program for rural senior homeowners. If you’re 62 or older and live in a rural area, you may qualify for: A $7,500 government grant for essential home repairs (does not have to be paid back)A 1% interest loan up to $20,000, repayable over 20 yearsI walked my stepfather through every step of the process — from paperwork to inspections — and in the end, he received $27,500 total in assistance. We installed br

FROM THE ARTICLE. 12 Creative Ways for Caregivers to Encourage Socialization.Loneliness has serious health consequences. Here’s how to keep your loved one engaged and inspired. By Bruce Horovitz, AARP. Published July 16, 2025. Most of the chores that family caregivers do for their loved ones are crystal clear. Sometimes, it’s how much medicine to give and how often, getting to a doctor’s appointment on time, or feeding nourishing meals three times daily. But there’s one critical chore that sounds easy yet ranks among the most difficult: socialization.Socialization is particularly critical as we age because it gives us a sense of belonging and purpose, says Linda Abbit, author of The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself. She says socialization helps older adults maintain their language skills and boost their physical and mental well-being. USE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

Caring for a Veteran? Veterans enrolled in the Department of Veterans Affairs health care system will now find it easier to get care from non-VA providers, following a change announced by the agency this week.   The VA has now eliminated the additional review step previously required for community or non-VA health care.   Previously, both veterans and their referring clinicians had to approve the decision, which was then reviewed by a second VA doctor.   This change aligns with both the Senator Elizabeth Dole 21st Century Veterans Healthcare and Benefits Improvement Act and builds upon the MISSION Act, which has been in effect since June 6, 2019. The MISSION Act allows VA-enrolled veterans to access health care from non-VA providers when it is in their best medical interest.​   LEARN MORE in this article: Veterans Gain Easier Access to Local Care Providers Outside the VA

  KFFHealth News 05/09/2025 - The New Old Age - Honey, Sweetie, Dearie: The Perils of Elderspeak  [excerpts from the linked article.] People understand almost intuitively what “elderspeak” means. “It’s communication to older adults that sounds like baby talk,”  It arises from an ageist assumption of frailty, incompetence, and dependence.” Its elements include inappropriate endearments. “Elderspeak can be controlling, kind of bossy, so to soften that message there’s ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ ‘sweetie,’”  We have negative stereotypes of older adults, so we change the way we talk.” Or caregivers may resort to plural pronouns: Are we ready to take our bath? There, the implication “is that the person’s not able to act as an individual,” “Hopefully, They are not taking the bath with you. Sometimes, elderspeakers employ a louder volume, shorter sentences, or simple words intoned slowly. Or they may adopt an exaggerated, singsong vocal quality more su

 KFF Health News - The New Old Age 04/28/2025 - When They Don’t Recognize You Anymore from the link: [excerpts] Stewart [the daughter in this storied example] remembers thinking, “In the natural course of things, you were supposed to die before me. But you were never supposed to forget who I am.” Later, alone, she wept. People with advancing dementia do regularly fail to recognize beloved spouses, partners, children, and siblings. By the time Stewart and her youngest brother moved Cole into a memory-care facility a year later, she had almost completely lost the ability to remember their names or their relationship to her. “It’s pretty universal at the later stages” of the disease, said Alison Lynn, director of social work at the Penn Memory Center, who has led support groups for dementia caregivers for a decade. She has heard many variations of this account, a moment described with grief, anger, frustration, relief, or some combination thereof. T

This is my first effort to ask for outside help and I will try to paint as accurate a picture as I can. I've been with my partner for 4 years and caring for her mother for 3 years. Her mother, I'll call her Mrs. D, has a long history of being manipulative and irresponsible to things with family matters, financial decisions and poor lifestyle choices. Examples would be from ignoring and abandoning family in need when she was still an abled body, despite pleas for help. She's abused past marriages for finical gains until they leave because of her behavior, or become terminally ill. We are now on that same boat with Mrs. D's past partners with disregard to our finances and resources being consumed. In addition, the whole purpose of moving away from our previous stable situations was to try to help her with a better lifestyle and taking prescription medication as instructed, to help her get better. Our efforts will repeatedly be ignored and Mrs. D will use any method is convenient

I'm considering getting a walk-in tub, but I was kind of shocked by the prices - some cost over $12,000! Anyone have one? Do you like it? Any issues with sitting in the tub while you wait for it to fill or drain? I've been looking at tub brands here (https://www.seniorsafetyreviews.com/best-walk-in-tub-reviews-comparison-2018/) are there other ones I should be considering. I've also found the sales people and tactics very aggressive.