Caregiving

How are all you doing? It's so encouraging to see your efforts. I think acknowledging and expressing grief is progress in itself. One foot in front of the other, works. Backsliding is fine. Wherever you are in the grief journey is okay. Take care!   

Today I realized that while I need to move forward, every step forward feels like a step away from my husband.  So taking care of necessary things, like changing bank accounts, arranging a cremation plot, even getting health care for myself,  feels like another letting go.  And I wonder if this is normal.  

@SummerOnTheWay1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY,  NICOLE. Just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Birthday because you do such a great job on this forum board and also keeping us all informed of AARP advocacies and classes under whatever topic. Hope the coming year is your best year yet. Best WishesGail1

 My real parents were killed out of the military and a substitute was placed in their place .  They were 109%vested and then they used my blood as resources and are holding my education and work.  As of yet they have not returned my work or education.   

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I worked in DC when it happened.  We had people from our organization  killed on one of the planes.  Trying to make a mad rush on the subway was surreal with crowds of panicked people.  The fire and smoke in the subway through the DC area could be seen and smelled underground.  People so frantic they didn’t realize fares were waved, trying to add a fare amount to their subway cards.    Before our company told us to go home we all saw the towers get hit on a nearby office TV.  Then we saw what we thought was the Pentagon.  We all thought DC was going to be next, and our department head went down the halls telling everyone to go home now.  She didn’t wait for the CEO to announce.  The streets, buses ,subway were filled with panicked people.  What was going on? Today, and always I remember those lost, those people trying to save the ones in the towers, at the pentagon and in Pennsylvania.  Everything, everyone chan

@SummerOnTheWay1. Hey there my sister. I know that it's been a very long time since I have replied or posted and my title is not trying to sound like the song by Staind but hey, if the shoe fits.. I'm truly sorry for not checking in sooner. We are doing well. Our mascot was 2 in June and weighed 50 lbs. The vet said that he is one of the longest they've seen. His Sataness is calming down, LOL, and he is still as loveable as always. Blu turned 9 and our Munchkin is now 3. I've started PT for a 2nd time to try to help with the weak muscles and balance issues. I just started this week so I know that I have to give it time. We took our annual vacation to the ocean and it was beautiful. I also finally found the courage to walk down to the water at night and said goodbye to my husband. It was emotional and painful but I knew in my heart that it was time. My daughter has started her last 2 semesters of her Master's degree. They will be married a year already in October. I have asked her to se

 My mother passed away in February 2019. On her deathbed, I made her a promise — that I would take care of my aging stepfather. A few years later, we discovered the home she and my stepfather purchased in Chickasha, Oklahoma was in serious need of repairs. It had no central heat and air, outdated electrical wiring, and some minor plumbing issues. My spouse and I even considered refinancing our own house just to cover the costs. But after a lot of research, I found something most people don’t know about — a little-known USDA program for rural senior homeowners. If you’re 62 or older and live in a rural area, you may qualify for: A $7,500 government grant for essential home repairs (does not have to be paid back)A 1% interest loan up to $20,000, repayable over 20 yearsI walked my stepfather through every step of the process — from paperwork to inspections — and in the end, he received $27,500 total in assistance. We installed br

Add YOUR STEP below and/or read about steps from OTHERS. Grief & Loss Team  💛

Stop by when you can to encourage others [respond to THEIR POST  💛]  or ASK FOR SOME. WE ALL have days/nights when we need this!!! Luv,Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

FROM THE ARTICLE. 12 Creative Ways for Caregivers to Encourage Socialization.Loneliness has serious health consequences. Here’s how to keep your loved one engaged and inspired. By Bruce Horovitz, AARP. Published July 16, 2025. Most of the chores that family caregivers do for their loved ones are crystal clear. Sometimes, it’s how much medicine to give and how often, getting to a doctor’s appointment on time, or feeding nourishing meals three times daily. But there’s one critical chore that sounds easy yet ranks among the most difficult: socialization.Socialization is particularly critical as we age because it gives us a sense of belonging and purpose, says Linda Abbit, author of The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself. She says socialization helps older adults maintain their language skills and boost their physical and mental well-being. USE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

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Hi everyone, I hope it’s okay for me to post here.I’m not from the U.S., but I’ve always admired how strong and open-hearted many Americans are, especially when going through grief or change.Sometimes life feels quiet and heavy, and I’ve realized how healing it is just to talk with someone who understands. I would love to listen, to learn, and to connect with anyone who feels like sharing.No pressure. Just sending warm thoughts, and an open heart 💛

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Once you have lost a loved one, it takes a while to get around to all those chores that one has to do at sometime or another.  So when and how did you handle the cleaning out of the personal effects of your deceased loved one?  Did you ask someone to help you?  Did anybody offer to help you when you were ready? Hardest thing I have ever had to do - took a while to get started; maybe a year.  My nephew helped me tremendously - he was about the same size as my husband so he took a lot of the nicer clothes and hats.  I still see a shirt that is familiar every once and awhile - that’s been almost 20 years ago; yep, the nephew takes care of things he really likes. I saved some really special things like one of the hats that he wore often and looked so great in - I made an acid free box and used acid free tissue paper to wrap it - last I looked at it, it was still like new.  I had tried preserving my brother’s high top tennis shoes that we bought him i

Caring for a Veteran? Veterans enrolled in the Department of Veterans Affairs health care system will now find it easier to get care from non-VA providers, following a change announced by the agency this week.   The VA has now eliminated the additional review step previously required for community or non-VA health care.   Previously, both veterans and their referring clinicians had to approve the decision, which was then reviewed by a second VA doctor.   This change aligns with both the Senator Elizabeth Dole 21st Century Veterans Healthcare and Benefits Improvement Act and builds upon the MISSION Act, which has been in effect since June 6, 2019. The MISSION Act allows VA-enrolled veterans to access health care from non-VA providers when it is in their best medical interest.​   LEARN MORE in this article: Veterans Gain Easier Access to Local Care Providers Outside the VA

👤   Please REACH OUT to *1* GRIEVING person. (A) Email/text/call (B) Visit (C) Invite to do something fun (D) Babysit/help around their house. Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

  KFFHealth News 05/09/2025 - The New Old Age - Honey, Sweetie, Dearie: The Perils of Elderspeak  [excerpts from the linked article.] People understand almost intuitively what “elderspeak” means. “It’s communication to older adults that sounds like baby talk,”  It arises from an ageist assumption of frailty, incompetence, and dependence.” Its elements include inappropriate endearments. “Elderspeak can be controlling, kind of bossy, so to soften that message there’s ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ ‘sweetie,’”  We have negative stereotypes of older adults, so we change the way we talk.” Or caregivers may resort to plural pronouns: Are we ready to take our bath? There, the implication “is that the person’s not able to act as an individual,” “Hopefully, They are not taking the bath with you. Sometimes, elderspeakers employ a louder volume, shorter sentences, or simple words intoned slowly. Or they may adopt an exaggerated, singsong vocal quality more su

@SummerOnTheWay1 Hey sister. I need some advice. I was invited to a bull roast with my neighbors on Saturday the 17th. I decided that I am going to go. I need time to myself and to also get to talk and hangout with others. This will be the first time that I will be going out without any family. I feel like I am taking that first step in acceptance and ready to go forward. I'm not looking for a date or a boyfriend but it would be nice to have a companion to hang out with. If something else develops I'll take it as it goes. I'm just nervous about it because this is a big step in my progress. Do you think that I am doing the right thing? I feel like I am but, I am also worried about what others would think.

@SummerOnTheWay1 .I know that I haven't posted in a while and I'm sorry for that. I've been been busy with a lot of things. I got Covid about a month ago and felt like death. Then I gave it to my son and my Mom. I've also been running around between appointments and errands. Good news is that my disability was APPROVED. Between me and my son's survivor benefits we will be okay. I just have to play catch up for a while. I've been processing my grief and I am almost at acceptance. He's gone and I accept that but I still get angry. I have been able to remember the good and smile and even laugh. So, our boy will be 2 June 16th. He had a vet appointment Thursday. He is whole,  hearty and healthy. He weighs 50 pounds. Here's an updated picture of him in his favorite position. Love you much my sister.  

 KFF Health News - The New Old Age 04/28/2025 - When They Don’t Recognize You Anymore from the link: [excerpts] Stewart [the daughter in this storied example] remembers thinking, “In the natural course of things, you were supposed to die before me. But you were never supposed to forget who I am.” Later, alone, she wept. People with advancing dementia do regularly fail to recognize beloved spouses, partners, children, and siblings. By the time Stewart and her youngest brother moved Cole into a memory-care facility a year later, she had almost completely lost the ability to remember their names or their relationship to her. “It’s pretty universal at the later stages” of the disease, said Alison Lynn, director of social work at the Penn Memory Center, who has led support groups for dementia caregivers for a decade. She has heard many variations of this account, a moment described with grief, anger, frustration, relief, or some combination thereof. T

Where can I get help with my immense grief at losing my spouse of 48 years

It has been a while since I posted on our Grief Forum.  While it has been some time since my husband passed, I still feel the loss but also his presence.  Life has taken a new stage for me. This is “normal” given the inevitable life changes and with it the opportunity for transformation and ultimately peace.  I came to the realization recently that life is in fact BEAUTIFUL, even with all its flaws and ups and downs.  One way to see it visually is to either look at recent photos you have or taking new ones.  This could be images of Spring in your neighborhood or group events with your friends and neighbors.  I recently looked at some photos I took, more as an obligation to others.  At the time, I thought this was ho-hum but took them anyway.  I don’t know about you but when you are grieving there seems to be a cloudy aura around you.  Images seem grayish or ordinary.  But they are not.  Photos of my Spring Garden and early blooms w

This is my first effort to ask for outside help and I will try to paint as accurate a picture as I can. I've been with my partner for 4 years and caring for her mother for 3 years. Her mother, I'll call her Mrs. D, has a long history of being manipulative and irresponsible to things with family matters, financial decisions and poor lifestyle choices. Examples would be from ignoring and abandoning family in need when she was still an abled body, despite pleas for help. She's abused past marriages for finical gains until they leave because of her behavior, or become terminally ill. We are now on that same boat with Mrs. D's past partners with disregard to our finances and resources being consumed. In addition, the whole purpose of moving away from our previous stable situations was to try to help her with a better lifestyle and taking prescription medication as instructed, to help her get better. Our efforts will repeatedly be ignored and Mrs. D will use any method is convenient

I'm considering getting a walk-in tub, but I was kind of shocked by the prices - some cost over $12,000! Anyone have one? Do you like it? Any issues with sitting in the tub while you wait for it to fill or drain? I've been looking at tub brands here (https://www.seniorsafetyreviews.com/best-walk-in-tub-reviews-comparison-2018/) are there other ones I should be considering. I've also found the sales people and tactics very aggressive.