Caregiving

20 years ago this year one of my best friends who became my bro-in-law left us. He experienced a "stroke" and was on life support for a few days. During very terrible and terrifying conversations with Sis, she advised they had NEVER spoken about end-of-life nor options; she chose to leave that decision to his Dad (a person in his 70s)... Based on my own personal experiences and this, I hope everyone will start opening up about these issues. After all of this, imo, leaving questions is not kind nor is not discussing with those who matter. The point of my post is please everyone think about what matters "after". Please don't cause undue stress or mourning on anyone if you can. There are multiple legitimate societies and websites who can guide the process before and following. As an example, 20 years ago I chose organ donation, medical research, cremation, "green" internment. These are witnessed documents which are somewhat like the will "rich" people have. P

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Is anyone else out there waiting for this day to be over?

Hi, im Emma.   I was married for 50 years.  But in year 2023, he passed away.  He was 15 years older which worked for me in the beginning because he was like a father to me. This relationship allowed me to finish college while he instantly took the role as stepfather of my 3 daughters with ease and care.  We got along fine navigating my life style and his as well.  But dementia set in and he became bitter and argumentative.  I prayed so many prayers to stop his cruelty and to see me as his wife.  He saw me as an  enemy instead. My prayers were intentional and direct to God that he'd give me peace and not sickness.  Today, I am living in that peace and comfort.  Praying faithfully has cause less tension on the trials of life and have given me more time to take care of me.  

I don't have any human kids. My pets are my kids.  They mean the world to me.  My young cat, Stevie, was diagnosed with a rare ear canal cancer on July 12, 2018 and passed away just three weeks later on August 2, 2018.  I think it was already at the advanced stage by the time he was diagnosed. It was incredibly sad to see him decline in the later stage of his cancer. The vet had thought he just had a stubborn ear infection for the previous six months.  Many trips to the vet, many different medications and two surgeries couldn't save my precious boy.  He was such a bright light in my life.  He was born into a bad hoarding situation and had a very rough beginning, mentally and physically until he was rescued and taken to a shelter where I met him.  In the five short years I knew him, I loved him dearly and took really good care of him.  He was the one who always followed me around, grunted when he approached me, laid on my lap, came to be

99 year old mother in memory care. Her California ID will need renewing soon. I am her POA and need to know if I should put nursing home address as her home address and mine as mailing address or just use mine for both.

How are all you doing? It's so encouraging to see your efforts. I think acknowledging and expressing grief is progress in itself. One foot in front of the other, works. Backsliding is fine. Wherever you are in the grief journey is okay. Take care!   

Today I realized that while I need to move forward, every step forward feels like a step away from my husband.  So taking care of necessary things, like changing bank accounts, arranging a cremation plot, even getting health care for myself,  feels like another letting go.  And I wonder if this is normal.  

@SummerOnTheWay1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY,  NICOLE. Just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Birthday because you do such a great job on this forum board and also keeping us all informed of AARP advocacies and classes under whatever topic. Hope the coming year is your best year yet. Best WishesGail1

 My real parents were killed out of the military and a substitute was placed in their place .  They were 109%vested and then they used my blood as resources and are holding my education and work.  As of yet they have not returned my work or education.   

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I worked in DC when it happened.  We had people from our organization  killed on one of the planes.  Trying to make a mad rush on the subway was surreal with crowds of panicked people.  The fire and smoke in the subway through the DC area could be seen and smelled underground.  People so frantic they didn’t realize fares were waved, trying to add a fare amount to their subway cards.    Before our company told us to go home we all saw the towers get hit on a nearby office TV.  Then we saw what we thought was the Pentagon.  We all thought DC was going to be next, and our department head went down the halls telling everyone to go home now.  She didn’t wait for the CEO to announce.  The streets, buses ,subway were filled with panicked people.  What was going on? Today, and always I remember those lost, those people trying to save the ones in the towers, at the pentagon and in Pennsylvania.  Everything, everyone chan

@SummerOnTheWay1. Hey there my sister. I know that it's been a very long time since I have replied or posted and my title is not trying to sound like the song by Staind but hey, if the shoe fits.. I'm truly sorry for not checking in sooner. We are doing well. Our mascot was 2 in June and weighed 50 lbs. The vet said that he is one of the longest they've seen. His Sataness is calming down, LOL, and he is still as loveable as always. Blu turned 9 and our Munchkin is now 3. I've started PT for a 2nd time to try to help with the weak muscles and balance issues. I just started this week so I know that I have to give it time. We took our annual vacation to the ocean and it was beautiful. I also finally found the courage to walk down to the water at night and said goodbye to my husband. It was emotional and painful but I knew in my heart that it was time. My daughter has started her last 2 semesters of her Master's degree. They will be married a year already in October. I have asked her to se

 My mother passed away in February 2019. On her deathbed, I made her a promise — that I would take care of my aging stepfather. A few years later, we discovered the home she and my stepfather purchased in Chickasha, Oklahoma was in serious need of repairs. It had no central heat and air, outdated electrical wiring, and some minor plumbing issues. My spouse and I even considered refinancing our own house just to cover the costs. But after a lot of research, I found something most people don’t know about — a little-known USDA program for rural senior homeowners. If you’re 62 or older and live in a rural area, you may qualify for: A $7,500 government grant for essential home repairs (does not have to be paid back)A 1% interest loan up to $20,000, repayable over 20 yearsI walked my stepfather through every step of the process — from paperwork to inspections — and in the end, he received $27,500 total in assistance. We installed br

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Stop by when you can to encourage others [respond to THEIR POST  💛]  or ASK FOR SOME. WE ALL have days/nights when we need this!!! Luv,Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

FROM THE ARTICLE. 12 Creative Ways for Caregivers to Encourage Socialization.Loneliness has serious health consequences. Here’s how to keep your loved one engaged and inspired. By Bruce Horovitz, AARP. Published July 16, 2025. Most of the chores that family caregivers do for their loved ones are crystal clear. Sometimes, it’s how much medicine to give and how often, getting to a doctor’s appointment on time, or feeding nourishing meals three times daily. But there’s one critical chore that sounds easy yet ranks among the most difficult: socialization.Socialization is particularly critical as we age because it gives us a sense of belonging and purpose, says Linda Abbit, author of The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself. She says socialization helps older adults maintain their language skills and boost their physical and mental well-being. USE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

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Hi everyone, I hope it’s okay for me to post here.I’m not from the U.S., but I’ve always admired how strong and open-hearted many Americans are, especially when going through grief or change.Sometimes life feels quiet and heavy, and I’ve realized how healing it is just to talk with someone who understands. I would love to listen, to learn, and to connect with anyone who feels like sharing.No pressure. Just sending warm thoughts, and an open heart 💛

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Once you have lost a loved one, it takes a while to get around to all those chores that one has to do at sometime or another.  So when and how did you handle the cleaning out of the personal effects of your deceased loved one?  Did you ask someone to help you?  Did anybody offer to help you when you were ready? Hardest thing I have ever had to do - took a while to get started; maybe a year.  My nephew helped me tremendously - he was about the same size as my husband so he took a lot of the nicer clothes and hats.  I still see a shirt that is familiar every once and awhile - that’s been almost 20 years ago; yep, the nephew takes care of things he really likes. I saved some really special things like one of the hats that he wore often and looked so great in - I made an acid free box and used acid free tissue paper to wrap it - last I looked at it, it was still like new.  I had tried preserving my brother’s high top tennis shoes that we bought him i

Caring for a Veteran? Veterans enrolled in the Department of Veterans Affairs health care system will now find it easier to get care from non-VA providers, following a change announced by the agency this week.   The VA has now eliminated the additional review step previously required for community or non-VA health care.   Previously, both veterans and their referring clinicians had to approve the decision, which was then reviewed by a second VA doctor.   This change aligns with both the Senator Elizabeth Dole 21st Century Veterans Healthcare and Benefits Improvement Act and builds upon the MISSION Act, which has been in effect since June 6, 2019. The MISSION Act allows VA-enrolled veterans to access health care from non-VA providers when it is in their best medical interest.​   LEARN MORE in this article: Veterans Gain Easier Access to Local Care Providers Outside the VA

👤   Please REACH OUT to *1* GRIEVING person. (A) Email/text/call (B) Visit (C) Invite to do something fun (D) Babysit/help around their house. Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

  KFFHealth News 05/09/2025 - The New Old Age - Honey, Sweetie, Dearie: The Perils of Elderspeak  [excerpts from the linked article.] People understand almost intuitively what “elderspeak” means. “It’s communication to older adults that sounds like baby talk,”  It arises from an ageist assumption of frailty, incompetence, and dependence.” Its elements include inappropriate endearments. “Elderspeak can be controlling, kind of bossy, so to soften that message there’s ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ ‘sweetie,’”  We have negative stereotypes of older adults, so we change the way we talk.” Or caregivers may resort to plural pronouns: Are we ready to take our bath? There, the implication “is that the person’s not able to act as an individual,” “Hopefully, They are not taking the bath with you. Sometimes, elderspeakers employ a louder volume, shorter sentences, or simple words intoned slowly. Or they may adopt an exaggerated, singsong vocal quality more su

@SummerOnTheWay1 Hey sister. I need some advice. I was invited to a bull roast with my neighbors on Saturday the 17th. I decided that I am going to go. I need time to myself and to also get to talk and hangout with others. This will be the first time that I will be going out without any family. I feel like I am taking that first step in acceptance and ready to go forward. I'm not looking for a date or a boyfriend but it would be nice to have a companion to hang out with. If something else develops I'll take it as it goes. I'm just nervous about it because this is a big step in my progress. Do you think that I am doing the right thing? I feel like I am but, I am also worried about what others would think.