Caregiving

Three adult stepchildren were pushing for burial of their father's ashes last winter.  I was dealing with taxes, estate, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!  So I gave oldest stepdaughter the ashes, deed to the cremation garden plot I had bought, and plans for memorial stone, a work in progress, information about her father's military service and paperwork that I had already done on that.  I had informed all three of  progress as the process unfolded. A couple of weeks ago I received an email, "Good News, Dad's ashes will be buried next Thursday but not in the plot you bought.  We chose a different plot.  Hope you can come." I did go, and right, not the plot I had chosen which was for both of us.  This plot is only for one, and the plaque is the basic military plaque, with only his name, branch of service and DOB, DOD.  Married 44 years. Primary caregiver for last 2 years.

My wife has dementia and I cannot depend on her to dial 911 or speed dial someone to come and help me. I want to learn which item to get. An apple watch? I need it to notice that I'm in distress and call for help.  

Hello, I am kind of overwhelmed.  For my mother, I am looking at medical alert devices and cannot decide on the best one (wrist watch).  I am leaning towards Bay Alarm Medical and Medical Guardian. Does anyone have any experiences with either company? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Don

My wife of 50 years has an altered mental state due to sepsis.  She's in the hospital now but demanding to return home instead of a skilled nursing facility.  She hallucinates and is quite angry with me for not jus taking her home.  Since her hospitalization, she cannot walk or even stand up.  Of course, I'm not angry with her..I love her...but I'm devastated that she cannot return to the life we had before sepsis.  I sit here sobbing.

10 years ago my mom had a heart attack and I started taking care of her. It's been an up and down path.  6 years ago we moved where we're at now hoping to be closer to family.  4 years ago her kidneys start to fail.  She had to start doing dialysis. On June 8th 2025 you passed away.  For the last 6 years I haven't worked I've just been taking care of her.  Now I have nothing except our cats.  I'm going to end up homeless losing everything.  By dealing with my own mental health I'm 50 years old.  I got three older brothers but they've never helped now that she's gone they just ignoring me.  I feel so lost. She wasn't just my mom she was my best friend.   She leaned on me and I leaned on her.  now I don't know how to go forward.   

No messages to me.  I know I don't come here regularly, but I'd appreciate a hello from someone.

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My husband of 45 years died after just a 3 week hospital stay of AML.  He had been healthy our entire married life except for the summer before when he contracted Lyme's disease.  Maybe that disguised his fatigue he must have been feeling shortly before we went to the hospital for shortness of breath.  Anyway, he and I never thought he wouldn't be returning home from that hospital stay.  So lots of tears, lonely days and nights and all the rest.  Unbelievably, two of my three adult children are getting married in 2026. We are all over the place with happy and sad emotions - my daughter won't have her Dad to walk her down the aisle.  I'll be by myself thru all the social events that are part of each wedding instead of having my husband by my side. I just changed my primary AARP membership from his name to mine which led me here. My faith tells me I'll see him again but its a hard road to travel as a widow.  

Hi everyone, I’m trying to find dependable adult home care for my uncle in Washington, but I’m honestly not sure where to begin. He needs some help with daily activities at home, and I want to make sure he’s getting the right support. I’ve been searching online but the options are a bit overwhelming, so I’d really appreciate any suggestions or guidance from people who have gone through this before. Thanks in advance.. -Mary

Husband, Jim, died in July.  He was here at home and was able to be at home until his death.  I was the sole caregiver and was the one who provided meds and care.  Right now I'm having memories of his dying time, which was two days of difficult breathing, heart rate changes, and deepening coma.  He did not have any pain, but his dying time was not peaceful.  He was not in pain, but I was.   And while I can talk about him and our time together, 45 years, I really need to talk about his dying time, and the time after his death, when I wrote the obituary, made cremation arrangements and drove myself to pick up the ashes.  There is no one who wants to hear that story.  And I need someone to hear, and I need to tell it. He did have 3 adult children, but they "wanted to give me  space" and did not contact me.   I feel like I am just going down that spiral, and not sure what will happen.

I am looking for services and tips to support reorganizing a home to support aging in place (Ex. Kitchen cabinets, closets, laundry room).

The holidays are over! (Phew!) It's winter time. Hopefully the routine is re-established and there's a bit of calm in the air. Now's a time when you can plan a break for yourself as a caregiver. Plan ahead for, say, March or April. A break that's more than a weekend if possible. Here are some ideas on how to do it, starting now so that you have the pleasure of anticipation, and also enough time to think of all that's needed for true respite.   Things to think about:  * Where do you want to go?  A four day trip to see a favorite cousin? A flight to see your favorite niece and nephew? How much time? Will you stay with them or rent an Air BnB? This is partly about budgeting, and partly about how much time. Allow a day before and after to pack/unpack, etc.  * What do you need to 'replace you' for the time you're gone?   For that last one, which is huge: Make a list of all that you do, the schedule for when you are away, the tasks, the back up plan. Who in your fami

Any tips for caregiver of a newly Blind adult?

Just thought I would share this - CBS Local News: 12/18/2025 - Downtown wind phone helps grieving Atlantans connect with lost loved ones  The 3 minute CBS local news video is on the right side of the news page.Touching.  

Help I need an elder law attorney in Chicago. I have power of attorney over my mom and her facility is denying me access to her.

My 97 year old Dad doesn’t accept he can no longer do things he has done in the past such as using power tools. He is all about himself. He has a huge ego. He becomes angry and bossy. He becomes mean to his daughter..the one who does many things for him. More so when he has his nightly cocktail. He seems to forget and stretch stories. He had been very sharp up to a year ago when he lost his companion.

20 years ago this year one of my best friends who became my bro-in-law left us. He experienced a "stroke" and was on life support for a few days. During very terrible and terrifying conversations with Sis, she advised they had NEVER spoken about end-of-life nor options; she chose to leave that decision to his Dad (a person in his 70s)... Based on my own personal experiences and this, I hope everyone will start opening up about these issues. After all of this, imo, leaving questions is not kind nor is not discussing with those who matter. The point of my post is please everyone think about what matters "after". Please don't cause undue stress or mourning on anyone if you can. There are multiple legitimate societies and websites who can guide the process before and following. As an example, 20 years ago I chose organ donation, medical research, cremation, "green" internment. These are witnessed documents which are somewhat like the will "rich" people have. P

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Is anyone else out there waiting for this day to be over?

Hi, im Emma.   I was married for 50 years.  But in year 2023, he passed away.  He was 15 years older which worked for me in the beginning because he was like a father to me. This relationship allowed me to finish college while he instantly took the role as stepfather of my 3 daughters with ease and care.  We got along fine navigating my life style and his as well.  But dementia set in and he became bitter and argumentative.  I prayed so many prayers to stop his cruelty and to see me as his wife.  He saw me as an  enemy instead. My prayers were intentional and direct to God that he'd give me peace and not sickness.  Today, I am living in that peace and comfort.  Praying faithfully has cause less tension on the trials of life and have given me more time to take care of me.  

I don't have any human kids. My pets are my kids.  They mean the world to me.  My young cat, Stevie, was diagnosed with a rare ear canal cancer on July 12, 2018 and passed away just three weeks later on August 2, 2018.  I think it was already at the advanced stage by the time he was diagnosed. It was incredibly sad to see him decline in the later stage of his cancer. The vet had thought he just had a stubborn ear infection for the previous six months.  Many trips to the vet, many different medications and two surgeries couldn't save my precious boy.  He was such a bright light in my life.  He was born into a bad hoarding situation and had a very rough beginning, mentally and physically until he was rescued and taken to a shelter where I met him.  In the five short years I knew him, I loved him dearly and took really good care of him.  He was the one who always followed me around, grunted when he approached me, laid on my lap, came to be

99 year old mother in memory care. Her California ID will need renewing soon. I am her POA and need to know if I should put nursing home address as her home address and mine as mailing address or just use mine for both.

How are all you doing? It's so encouraging to see your efforts. I think acknowledging and expressing grief is progress in itself. One foot in front of the other, works. Backsliding is fine. Wherever you are in the grief journey is okay. Take care!   

Today I realized that while I need to move forward, every step forward feels like a step away from my husband.  So taking care of necessary things, like changing bank accounts, arranging a cremation plot, even getting health care for myself,  feels like another letting go.  And I wonder if this is normal.  

@SummerOnTheWay1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY,  NICOLE. Just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Birthday because you do such a great job on this forum board and also keeping us all informed of AARP advocacies and classes under whatever topic. Hope the coming year is your best year yet. Best WishesGail1