My dad died but it's hard to grieve ...

Jill @JillB718966 , I am SO SORRY about this. Here you are grieving and now dealing with this betrayal.

Hello AARP Experts Jane @JaneCares and Amy @agoyer , can you stop by to help Jill? Thank you!!!

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

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@JillB718966 wrote:

My 92 year old dad died 8/2 after a brief but painful battle with cancer. On 8/3, I discovered that my cousin had been financially abusing him since February when he started using drugs again. I'm finding it very difficult to grieve for my dad when I now have to file a police report, report the abuse to the state, file disputes with the credit union, etc.

 

I am devastated by the betrayal. My dad was exceedingly kind to my cousin and he took advantage of him. 

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@JillB718966 I'm so very sorryto hear of your loss - I can't imagine how hard it must be to be grieving for your dad while also dealing with the emotions and logistics of dealing with your cousin's behavior. That's a really hard road to walk and my heart goes out to you. I'm sure you feel a great deal of sadness. And also anger at your cousin for taking advantage of your dad's kindness. So hard. 

There is always a lot to do in dealing with and closing out someone's estate, so this has just made all of that more complicated for you. 

I can share that I've had several loved ones pass on and I've served as executor of their estates and looking back, dealing with all of that kind propelled me forward - it gave me something active to do. The grief will always be there - we will always miss them, but we learn to live with it and eventually we do feel joy and purpose in our lives again. 

That said, if you start to feel like your grief is getting very complicated, perhaps you could use some grief support to help you through this difficult time. Counseling might help you deal with the myriad feelings you are experiencing for both your dad and your cousin - betrayal is incredibly hard to deal with - it's a trauma - and it warrants support to work through it. 

I hope you'll also get the advice of an attorney if necessary in terms of dealing with your cousin's abuse and how it affects the estate etc. 

So glad you reached out. Sending you a virtual hug. I'm so sorry you're going through so much.

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

My cousin is being evicted today from my dad's property, so that's a relief. Thanks for all the support.