Grief & Loss

I have been contributing to the AARP Grief Forum for 3 years withfocus on holiday and other life events.  As you all know, the holidayscan be very trying with or without family.  Over the last severalyears, I have seen some changes on how I view the holidays and whatrole I want to play.  That is probably an experience many of you whoare grieving have also seen.  How we "celebrate" the special days,including anniversaries, is very different for each of us.  I hopethat you can remember the happy days as well as find a new solo pathtoday.  It is helpful to reestablish equilibrium.  You are not thesame person who was the caregiver, the person who lost his/her lovedone or the person today.  That may seem scary, but it is really anatural transformation.  Reflection with meaningful social interactionwill help get you through these times.  It is ok to limit youractivities or time spent with friends and family.  It will take timeto readjust

I know one of the last things, at least for me, was thinking about life or style for that matter, after my husband died.  I was living day to day, at least aware of staying hydrated.  The rest of the well-being necessities – eating a balanced diet, exercise, mobility, sleep, relaxation, etc, has been kicking in over time.  It is a struggle, with many mixed emotions.  However, it is important to do this for the most important person in your life – YOU.  You deserve to be healthy within your own body and mind.  This is different for everyone but there are some basics we know.  So, while we are emotionally healing, please don’t forget the physical side.   If so inclined, embrace the spiritual side as well.  I have found that being more faith-connected has helped to ground me and realize I am not alone.  I wish you all the best as you rebuild your life after the death of your loved one.  Eventually, you may do this with some style

My husband of 45 years died alone with our border collie Sadie by his side on December 4th.  I was out of town to visit a grandson.  I FaceTime my husband the night before.  He wasn’t feeling good.  I convinced him to go to the doctor the next morning.  When I called the next morning he didn’t answer.  The neighbors went to check on him for me and found him passed.  It was totally unexpected.  Possibly an Aneurysm took him at 65 years old!  185lbs, physically fit and had dreams to many to list.  He had yet to collect his pensions.  My two adult sons don’t want me home alone.  I’m not sure I believe he’s gone.  I feel guilty I wasn’t with him when he died and feel guilty I’m getting his pensions that he deserved to spend on his dreams.  Then add on the huge void in my life and my aching heart.  What more can I handle.  I’m so numb and sad. 

⬇️[*** See comments posted below by people who have attended these webinars.

I just joined AARP today and was looking through the forums I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or not but I am new here and looking forward to getting to know you all.  I am currently in the hospital and have been for nearly 3 months now I cannot wait to get home (hopefully within the next day or two) and get on a tablet that I can use a lot better than this one.   Take care everyone. Dixie 

It has been some time since I shared thoughts as we all go through our grievance journey.  Although it has now been 3 years since my husband died, I still miss him as I continue as a single person (still hard to say the word).  I have been somewhat successful in building new memories and friendships.  I noticed that I have more "better days" now and at times feel more fulfilled and self-confident.  Long journey.  As I have already shared, take your time as you relaunch and take small comfortable steps.  I gradually started to plan and attend social functions with the goal of one a month.  These social events are not too long or ambitious until I see how it goes.  The right company matters, and I am getting good at identifying kindred spirits along the way.  Try new things if you are inclined.  My life has been truly a balance of reflecting, learning and trying some new activities.  My tree last year and some modest decorations set

 It's been a rough  5 years for me and my husband.  We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples. This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019.  Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out.  The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day.  Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke.  Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis.  April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes.  Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection.  That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years.  This was not to be. On July 18th of this year, my

I know my husband helps me often from Heaven.  I was very dependent on him, but I know he is helping me because I am doing all the things I need to do and handling it all well.  My family and friends are in awe of how well I am managing the day to day things you have to do. As for signs, I was once going to put on a Rod Stewart CD but then remembered it had a scratch on it.  My husband was with me when I bought it years ago - my first CD ever.  But I realized it was damaged, so I put the radio on and on it was playing a Rod Stewart song.  I firmly believe it was a sign.  

I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog.  So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can. And find support... here I am.

Lost someone special recentially.

My beautiful daughter Tiana Dye age 21yrs old life was cut too short. She was a Honor student at Alabama State University. She was murdered Sunday 07/14/24. I'm so heartbroken, my world has been turned upside down since I got that call she was gone forever. No parent should have to bury their children. My daughter was sent off to college to come back with a degree not a death certificate. Please Google Tiana Dye Alabama. Share her story, say her name, and pray for our family! We need justice for Tiana! 💔 💔 💔 

TO EVERYONE WHO LOST SOMEONE THEY CARED ABOUT - you are in my thoughts today. So sorry for your loss dear friend. Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

@SummerOnTheWay1. Nicole, I have missed you. I am so sorry for not replying or posting for quite a while, I've just had a lot going on physically, mentally and emotionally and needed time to process it by myself before sharing. Brady's Social Security FINALLY came through after 18 months. I had a meeting with my case worker and she is sending my appeal for my disability. My daughter gets married in 55 days. I got my mother of the bride dress but haven't tried it on yet. I know it's for a happy occasion but, I am having problems with the fact that my husband is not here to see it. Once I do, I will send pictures. Beasley is fine but still getting into EVERYTHING. I thought my back pain was bad but, I ended up getting a tooth pulled on Tuesday. It was infected and abscessed. It looks like I took a punch from an MMA fighter. The 2nd good news is that my brother and I are back on good terms. We saw each other at the bridal shower and talked. Love to you all and especially to you

Hello:My name is Shirley.  I am currently writing a book as I have loss al. of my family of origin. The book is helping me to go through the grieving process. As well, I am remembering how God has helped me through every type loss. So the book talks about resilience and is also a memorial to my family. Please pray for me as I write. And your support will be much appreciated.Shirley

It has been a little over a year since Tom died.  His favorite place in the whole world was Alaska.  I just got back from a cruise to Alaska, one that we had planned, and took some of his ashes for a burial at sea.  On the 19th of September one year to date I put his ashes in the Bay of Alaska.  It was almost not accomplished because of 27 foot waves.  But at 2:00pm the seas calmed and the sun came out so at 4:00pm the exact time of his death one year earlier i put his ashes in the water followed by everyone throwing rose petals into the air.  It was beautiful.  One hour later the rough weather returned and the sun went away.  Now I am back to my real life and still wondering what I am going to do.  Sell the house?  Move to another state?  Lots of questions but no answers.

 Hello everyone, I just want to share two quotes that have helped to sustain me and keep during my times of lost: especially since June and October 2022.  I forgot the author's name, but I have to remind myself sometimes that: "There is a sacredness in my tears. They are not tears of weakness but of power; for the speak more eloquently than ten thousand of tongues.  The speak of varying measures of grief, perhaps, of contrition, and of unspeakable love."  " Grief is a passage, not a place to stay. We will not be the same nor should we expect to be. We will heal, and are healing, and we will rebuild ourselves around our losses (we have suffered). We will be whole again, but we will never be the same." The second quote is from a book by Elizabeth Kubbler Ross.  Always remember to take care of you.

My husband passed away--and it seemed sudden but had a disease for which there was no cure. Even though I try to keep busy I often get very tearful. It's been very painful. I'm sure it's been that way for everyone. And I don't know what to expect from writing this except it feels better to share.

Hi everyone. I know that I haven't posted in a long time and I am really sorry. Everyday is a challenge for me to keep going. Life just keeps kicking me. I am still dealing with things about my husband and it's not giving me the time that I need to grieve. Social Security still has not processed my son's claim for him to start collecting under his Dad and this has been ongoing since February 2023. My Mom has been diagnosed with dementia and it's progressing faster than I hoped. My brother packed up and moved to Florida without telling any of us. Here's a positive note. My daughter gets married in a little over 3 months. She has her wedding gown and is stunning. Beasley turned a year old on Father's Day.  

@SummerOnTheWay1 .Hi everyone. Just checking in. Vacation is going to fast,  but otherwise I am having a great time. Lots of sun, fun and not thinking about the problems of life. They will still be there, but for now they are on the back burner. I did get some good news. It seems they finally are getting my son's benefits changed and they have started my disability appeal. Beasley is at the kennel for the first time and I checked in with them and he is being a lovable goofball. I will talk to you when I get home. Love you all and especially my sister by another mother Nicole.🏖

@SummerOnTheWay1 .Hi Nicole. Hugs and kisses. We leave for Ocean City Saturday morning. It will feel better to get away from here. My problems will be with me,  but at least I don't have to worry about that when I am gone. They will be here when we get home. It's time for sun, beach (not much for me though, because I'm SOL if I get knocked down, LOL), pool and walking the boards every night. The best part is being with family and watching the joy on my son's face. All my love.

Also on a positive note. Vacation starts July 13th. Heading down to the OC Maryland. I can't wait to relax and not worry. The problems will be here when I get back but I'm not going to think about them. I just want to have a good time,  great weather and enjoy my son's happiness. Love you all.

Good morning everyone. I am so sorry that I haven't posted in a while but,  I am still here and trying to survive.  I saw my therapist last week and I have asked for an emergency appointment which I have today. I realized over the weekend that I am in a crisis mode.  I am sad, angry, depressed and anxious all at the same time. I think it's more anger than anything else.  I am still very angry at my husband but I just hit the one year mark. I am also angry with my brother because he has chosen his 4TH WIFE over his family and instead of being rational he said somethings to hurt me to my soul. He will always be my brother and I will always love him but for now,  we do not have anything to do with each other.  The only good thing about it was that I finally got to tell his wife off which had been building up for years. He doesn't respect our mother and, I feel sorry for him because we lost our Dad 34 years ago and as we all know in this group, tomorrow is not

I wanted to share several AHA moments that I had in the last few weeks.  I was surprised that after 2+ years since my husband’s passing, I am feeling more positive and hopeful for the future.  This was gradual. I know that my husband will always be part of my life, but somewhere along the way I lost the anger, guilt, and bitterness.  These were strong emotions.  Regret is still part of my life and primarily wishing he was here to be with me to enjoy some of the better moments.  Being here through the tough moments would also be a relief!  Having said that, one of my griefs share buddies said that he saw a big improvement in my attitude!  I was surprised.  Upon reflection, he was right.  I lost the anger primarily due to actively working to forgive.  Not easy, I just took it one step at a time to avoid self-pity.  I guess the key is to stay alert and try to honestly deal with your challenges. As an example, I recently met a widow at

As I thought about Mother’s Day, I wanted to thank all of those individuals who over the years provided caring and loving support to me at critical times. I think this feeling goes beyond the traditional “Mom” thinking and should extend to others who have made a difference in our lives.  Teachers, mentors, aunts, sisters, neighbors, etc come to mind. So please if you can take some time to reach out to those “Moms” who are with us today. This loving gesture is just what they and you need.  Happy Mother’s Day to all.  Your friend, Sue

Two cautions re passings.We had a friend who experienced the passing of three close relatives in one year.  The stress from the grief was so severe, that he became extremely ill, had to go to the hospital and almost lost his eyesight (from some kind of profound infection from the illness he had).If you experience profound loss, please consider taking a bit of counseling for awhile.The second caution is a bit unusual.  I saw a friend a few days after my father passed.  He said to me, "Be careful driving."  I said, "What? What did you say?"  He said, "Be careful driving."  I thought he was nuts.Later that day, sure enough, I ran a red light and almost killed myself.Apparently, grief has some kind of side effect that it powerful absorbs your thinking...and, I guess your concentration level can slip.  I would not have believed this until I experienced it myself.Sorry for everyone's losses.Take care.