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LisaJP6763
Conversationalist ⭐⭐
September 27, 2024

So much loss in 5 years.

  • September 27, 2024
  • 21 replies
  • 16413 views

 It's been a rough  5 years for me and my husband.  We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples.

 

This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019.  Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out.  The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day.  Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke.  Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis.  April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes.  Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection.  That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years.  This was not to be.

 

On July 18th of this year, my oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years, shot in the face.  She had been retired 1 month and 4 days.  My BIL had mental issues and also had problems keeping his meds in check.  My beloved big sister honest believed she could control his anger, but sadly this day she was wrong.  I've really been having a hard time with the loss of my big sister, I had already lost my other older sister (the other middle child) in 2008 due to a love of vodka and a disdain for food.

 

I know I'll get past the horrific murder of my oldest sister, it just takes time.  The hardest part was that she lived 3 houses down from me for the last 25 years.  Seeing her car in the driveway every day was hard to deal with.  Plus I missed our morning coffee visits that has been going on for the last 25 years.

 

So, we changed our move date to my FIL's house by several months.  We've been here a little over 3 months and our other house will sell on Oct 17th, so I'll be done with that.  It's very peaceful out here basically in the country compared to our other house, so that's a good thing.

 

I still find times when my sister pops into my mind, and it's still very difficult to handle.  My only solace is that I know she was never going to leave him, she was never going to be able to enjoy her retirement, and he was never going to change.  All that said, it's just still so horrific that it's hard to deal with.

    This topic has been closed for replies.

    21 replies

    SummerOnTheWay1
    September 27, 2024

    📎  Dear Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I am SO SORRY for all the losses in your life dear friend!!!  😭😭😭

     

    I am sending a COPY of YOUR STORY to Our Awesome AARP Expert Amy @agoyer . I am here for YOU.

     

    Luv,

    Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

     


    [*** LISA wrote: It's been a rough  5 years for me and my husband.  We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples.

     

    This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019.  Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out.  The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day.  Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke.  Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis.  April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes.  Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection.  That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years.  This was not to be.

     

    On July 18th of this year, my oldest sister was murdered by her husband of 49 years, shot in the face.  She had been retired 1 month and 4 days.  My BIL had mental issues and also had problems keeping his meds in check.  My beloved big sister honest believed she could control his anger, but sadly this day she was wrong.  I've really been having a hard time with the loss of my big sister, I had already lost my other older sister (the other middle child) in 2008 due to a love of vodka and a disdain for food.

     

    I know I'll get past the horrific murder of my oldest sister, it just takes time.  The hardest part was that she lived 3 houses down from me for the last 25 years.  Seeing her car in the driveway every day was hard to deal with.  Plus I missed our morning coffee visits that has been going on for the last 25 years.

     

    So, we changed our move date to my FIL's house by several months.  We've been here a little over 3 months and our other house will sell on Oct 17th, so I'll be done with that.  It's very peaceful out here basically in the country compared to our other house, so that's a good thing.

     

    I still find times when my sister pops into my mind, and it's still very difficult to handle.  My only solace is that I know she was never going to leave him, she was never going to be able to enjoy her retirement, and he was never going to change.  All that said, it's just still so horrific that it's hard to deal with. ***]


    SummerOnTheWay1
    September 27, 2024

    📎  Hi Lisa @LisaJP6763 , NO PRESSURE to join Our Online Grief & Loss Support Group!!!

     

    🗣  ALL grievers, NO matter how long it has been for YOU (days, years) are INVITED to stop by OUR Online Grief Support Group. Link is below.

     

    https://community.aarp.org/t5/Friends-Family/A-Place-To-Be-With-OTHERS-Who-Are-Grieving-WE-support-each-other/m-p/2568259#M7720

    SummerOnTheWay1
    September 27, 2024

    📎  Hi Lisa @LisaJP6763 , we have WEEKLY free Online Grief & Loss Events for members & non-members.

     

    The NEXT EVENT is October 3rd. Info below.

     

    [Thursday 10/3/24] Grieving Other Losses: Acknowledging and Mourning All Your Losses!!!
     
    Gain a better understanding of how all kinds of loss cause grief, and how mourning your losses can help you to heal.
     

    Check out this event. https://local.aarp.org/vcc-event/virtual-aarp-tx-grieving-other-losses-acknowledging-and-mourning-all-your-losses-along-lifes-path-austin-tx-10032024-l8ng9t8m5l4.html

    SummerOnTheWay1
    September 30, 2024

    📎  Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I hope you had a "decent" day at work TODAY!!! I am here for YOU my friend.

     

    Luv,

    Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

    LisaJP6763
    Conversationalist ⭐⭐
    September 30, 2024

    It was a busy day.  Had to meet a worker to get new screens installed at the house here, then back to work. Then over to the clinic our company uses for workers comp cases.  Just got off the phone with the woman that handles the claims at the corporate office for them.  I'm pooped. But, I get my MRI this Friday instead of Halloween like originally planned.  I have to have potent anxiety medicine for that.  I'm about to feed hubby and head off to bed.  Take care my friend, I hope you're coping OK with all this mess.  Sweet dreams!

    mc6844
    Community Champion ⭐⭐
    November 6, 2024

    Lisa, I'm so sorry for your losses. My older sister and I were a year and a half apart in age. Together from the beginning of life. These kind of losses I don't think people get over. Rather I carry the good things I remember on with me. It was a very painful loss. I'm glad you found this forum. The people here are kind and supportive. You can express and leave your grief here a little at a time. So it doesn't become overwhelming. Please take good care of yourself!

    SummerOnTheWay1
    November 13, 2024

    📎  Lisa @LisaJP6763 , I am thinking of you TODAY!!!

     

    How are YOU doing?

     

    I hope your BACK SURGERY went well my friend.

     

    Luv,

    Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

    LisaJP6763
    Conversationalist ⭐⭐
    November 13, 2024

    Thanks girl, it went as well as it could.  Still have some pain but we're starting PT for it.  Getting ready for my husband's surgery Friday.  He's got major shoulder reconstruction coming up.  He's going to need a lot of babying.  Hope you're doing well.  I can't wait until I can retire.