Caregiving Connect

99 year old mother in memory care. Her California ID will need renewing soon. I am her POA and need to know if I should put nursing home address as her home address and mine as mailing address or just use mine for both.

 My mother passed away in February 2019. On her deathbed, I made her a promise — that I would take care of my aging stepfather. A few years later, we discovered the home she and my stepfather purchased in Chickasha, Oklahoma was in serious need of repairs. It had no central heat and air, outdated electrical wiring, and some minor plumbing issues. My spouse and I even considered refinancing our own house just to cover the costs. But after a lot of research, I found something most people don’t know about — a little-known USDA program for rural senior homeowners. If you’re 62 or older and live in a rural area, you may qualify for: A $7,500 government grant for essential home repairs (does not have to be paid back)A 1% interest loan up to $20,000, repayable over 20 yearsI walked my stepfather through every step of the process — from paperwork to inspections — and in the end, he received $27,500 total in assistance. We installed br

FROM THE ARTICLE. 12 Creative Ways for Caregivers to Encourage Socialization.Loneliness has serious health consequences. Here’s how to keep your loved one engaged and inspired. By Bruce Horovitz, AARP. Published July 16, 2025. Most of the chores that family caregivers do for their loved ones are crystal clear. Sometimes, it’s how much medicine to give and how often, getting to a doctor’s appointment on time, or feeding nourishing meals three times daily. But there’s one critical chore that sounds easy yet ranks among the most difficult: socialization.Socialization is particularly critical as we age because it gives us a sense of belonging and purpose, says Linda Abbit, author of The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself. She says socialization helps older adults maintain their language skills and boost their physical and mental well-being. USE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

Caring for a Veteran? Veterans enrolled in the Department of Veterans Affairs health care system will now find it easier to get care from non-VA providers, following a change announced by the agency this week.   The VA has now eliminated the additional review step previously required for community or non-VA health care.   Previously, both veterans and their referring clinicians had to approve the decision, which was then reviewed by a second VA doctor.   This change aligns with both the Senator Elizabeth Dole 21st Century Veterans Healthcare and Benefits Improvement Act and builds upon the MISSION Act, which has been in effect since June 6, 2019. The MISSION Act allows VA-enrolled veterans to access health care from non-VA providers when it is in their best medical interest.​   LEARN MORE in this article: Veterans Gain Easier Access to Local Care Providers Outside the VA

  KFFHealth News 05/09/2025 - The New Old Age - Honey, Sweetie, Dearie: The Perils of Elderspeak  [excerpts from the linked article.] People understand almost intuitively what “elderspeak” means. “It’s communication to older adults that sounds like baby talk,”  It arises from an ageist assumption of frailty, incompetence, and dependence.” Its elements include inappropriate endearments. “Elderspeak can be controlling, kind of bossy, so to soften that message there’s ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ ‘sweetie,’”  We have negative stereotypes of older adults, so we change the way we talk.” Or caregivers may resort to plural pronouns: Are we ready to take our bath? There, the implication “is that the person’s not able to act as an individual,” “Hopefully, They are not taking the bath with you. Sometimes, elderspeakers employ a louder volume, shorter sentences, or simple words intoned slowly. Or they may adopt an exaggerated, singsong vocal quality more su

 KFF Health News - The New Old Age 04/28/2025 - When They Don’t Recognize You Anymore from the link: [excerpts] Stewart [the daughter in this storied example] remembers thinking, “In the natural course of things, you were supposed to die before me. But you were never supposed to forget who I am.” Later, alone, she wept. People with advancing dementia do regularly fail to recognize beloved spouses, partners, children, and siblings. By the time Stewart and her youngest brother moved Cole into a memory-care facility a year later, she had almost completely lost the ability to remember their names or their relationship to her. “It’s pretty universal at the later stages” of the disease, said Alison Lynn, director of social work at the Penn Memory Center, who has led support groups for dementia caregivers for a decade. She has heard many variations of this account, a moment described with grief, anger, frustration, relief, or some combination thereof. T

This is my first effort to ask for outside help and I will try to paint as accurate a picture as I can. I've been with my partner for 4 years and caring for her mother for 3 years. Her mother, I'll call her Mrs. D, has a long history of being manipulative and irresponsible to things with family matters, financial decisions and poor lifestyle choices. Examples would be from ignoring and abandoning family in need when she was still an abled body, despite pleas for help. She's abused past marriages for finical gains until they leave because of her behavior, or become terminally ill. We are now on that same boat with Mrs. D's past partners with disregard to our finances and resources being consumed. In addition, the whole purpose of moving away from our previous stable situations was to try to help her with a better lifestyle and taking prescription medication as instructed, to help her get better. Our efforts will repeatedly be ignored and Mrs. D will use any method is convenient

I'm considering getting a walk-in tub, but I was kind of shocked by the prices - some cost over $12,000! Anyone have one? Do you like it? Any issues with sitting in the tub while you wait for it to fill or drain? I've been looking at tub brands here (https://www.seniorsafetyreviews.com/best-walk-in-tub-reviews-comparison-2018/) are there other ones I should be considering. I've also found the sales people and tactics very aggressive.

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We have a podcast that focuses exclusively on practical tips for day-to-day dementia family caregiving challenges.  It's a well listened to podcast with 11,000 subscribers around the world.  As a nonprofit, our only goal is to help other people caring for loved ones living with dementia. You can access the website and podcast at https://thecaregiversjourney.com/podcast/ or on YouTube @thecaregiversjourney https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjqA2mxXYf93za8hqyzjkEQ  I hope this helps,Nancy 

Hello. Anyone aware of safe and secure sites for online social interaction with other mature adults? I am a caregiver for a son with special needs, work full time remotely, and therefore am quite isolated. I have tried pen pal forums without success. Scammers abound. Not interested in dating but would be interested in forming new friendships. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!

Hi, we are selling my mom's house & I am not sure what to change her address to; the assisted living facility where she resides, or my address so I am sure to receive anything important?  thoughts?  thank you!

Hello everyone, Just to give a brief recap, about a year and a half ago I was living overseas, when suddenly I had to be repatriated back to the US for emergency reasons.  When I came back to the US, I returned alone, leaving my wife overseas, and I ended up homeless for a few months.  We are both in our sixties. However, at this point I have my own apartment, and my wife has returned to the rejoin me, and we are now living together once again.   Due to my disability I'm dependent upon my wife for things such as money management, preparing meals, and navigating the local community. (I easily get lost due to poor sense of direction) So, I would like to know if it is possible for my wife to become my care giver, since she isn't really able to work, due to the fact that she must take care of me.  I've talked to a few social workers about it, but they just shrug their shoulders without telling me what steps I need to take.  Also, someo

FROM THE ARTICLE: The 10 Most Common Complaints from Family Caregivers.Experts share some of the biggest issues caregivers face and how to resolve them. By Bruce Horovitz, AARP. *** There are 7 Comments on the AARP website. Stop by to add yours. *** Published December 04, 2024. For all of the unpaid work that family caregivers do for loved ones — valued at a whopping $600 billion in the U.S. — it may seem as if they would have a lot to complain about.And they do. USE THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2024/caregiver-complaints-solutions.html

My mother (87) and my sister (64) live together. Mom has significant cognitive decline and my sister is severely mentally ill. I was durable, medical and financial POA for both. My sister has been receiving SSDI for years and my mom was her fiduciary.My father passed away a little over 2 years ago. I was in the process of settling my dad's estate when I was informed by my sister they had a new trust in which I had been relieved of all duties. My sister now had those duties. Reasons given for my removal were my desire to place mom in a nursing home and my sister in a psychiatric facility. At some point, my brother (who I am estranged) became my sister's fiduciary to maintain SSDI.I have many concerns and worries over this and no legal authority.Is it legal for my sister to have fiduciary responsibilities over our mother when said sister is under fiduciary care herself?Trust me when I say I have left out 99% of the drama.   

I am living with my mom, she is 81, and at times I want to run screaming into the night. We are both such different people since my dad passed and our normal best-friend status is being tried! I looked all over AARP and couldn't find a resource for a group that meets - either in person or online. To be honest, I feel a bit desperate.

My dad is restless. When we watch TV he will stand up and sit down.  I counted 49 times in 20 mons. At night i put him in bed and make sure his legs are on the bed. In the morning I come downstairs and he's sitting on the bed with his head on the pillow and feet on the floor. Now, he has a tumor on his rectum, I know it's uncomfortable.  What else can I do though? He says it's hard for him to get his legs up on the bed, though I've seen him do it. He gets up so much during the night. I already am awake 20 hours a day. Are there any tips? Has anyone been through a restless patient ?

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I am a caregiver (m, 49) for my dad (82), who has rectal cancer. He watches the same show over and over again at night and it drives me crazy, and it makes me angry when he talk about it and looks forward to it.  Is this a just reaction? Has anyone been through this?  I feel trapped and maybe watching this over and over makes me feel it more, idk.  We've seen these episodes dozens of times, he doesn't even really follow them but he likes them. 

We did an Irrevocable Trust for Medicaid for my now deceased mother-in-law. I am trying to figure out if we need to file some type of tax return with the IRS. The money put in to the Trust came directly from her regular checking account. This money can only be paid to the nursing home. It was her income from Social Security, her pension and VA Aide and Attendance. I already filed her 1040 IRS form and that was all "taxed" there. I would think there would not be any tax paid on the Trust. There was no income generated. Has anyone ever had this specific situation?

Trying to find specifications on medical alert devices.  Need a mobile device with fall detection. Want pendant type but want a light weight small one. Are there any recommendations or where can I go on internet to find the weight and dimensions of the devices for Comparison? 

Dear Ma'am or Sir.I consider myself a rookie when it comes to being a caregiver to my spouse. I'm wondering - is there a place in Central Ohio where caregivers can get together oncein awhile - and share with each other how caregiving affects their mental health. Has there every been created a group - locally, regionally, and/or nationally calledCA (Caregiving Anonymous) - similar to AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) or what a grougmaybe called DA (Drug/Substance Abuse Anonymous) in the Central Ohio area. Respectfully,Kenneth StalderU.S. Army Veteran & Patriot

Hello, although I try to keep up with AARP news, this is the first time I've ever used the forum.  So, if I'm doing so in the wrong place, I apologize. Anyway, I live alone, which I have and like for the past 15 years or so. Recently, I've had some health issues, and I fractured one of my lower vertebrae. Day to day jobs have become more difficult, and I'm considering hiring a personal assistant. I live in the Houston area, and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on who I might talk to.  Thank you and God bless. James 

My sister and I are caring for our mother at home.  She is 92.  She can't walk, even with a walker so getting her out of the house to have a dentist check out what appears to be an inflamed tooth, is impossible.  She can no longre even get to the doctor.  She is under a doctor's care, with video appointments.  Her doctor and insurance company both say they know of no options to have her treated.  I have exhausted all efforts I can think of to locate a mobile dentist.  Anyone out there know of such a service?  I appreciate your response.The Sisters

Hi everyone,I’m excited to share a project I’ve been working on—a personalized virtual caregiver designed to assist individuals who may struggle with memory-related challenges, such as forgetfulness or conditions like dementia or Alzheimer’s.The tool acts as a supportive helper, offering features like:Gentle reminders for medications, appointments, or daily tasks.Regular check-ins to ensure tasks are completed and provide a sense of connection.Feedback loops for caregivers and doctors, helping to refine care plans based on the user’s needs.This isn’t about replacing human caregivers or doctors—it’s about enhancing their care by providing real-time assistance and improving communication between everyone involved in caregiving.I’d love to hear your thoughts:What features would make this most helpful for you or someone you know?Are there specific challenges you think this tool could address better?Do you have any concerns or suggestions about using virtual tools like this?Your feedback wi