SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

As a teacher, Ms. Jones was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Kathleen.

"Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings."

"How about you Jimmy , what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols. We get home late and put cookies and milk out by the chimney for Santa ."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class named Kevin, and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,  "Now Kevin, what do you do at Christmas?"

Kevin said, "Well it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Cadillac, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing. "What A Friend We Have in Jesus," Then we all go to the Bahamas."   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                                4 STAGES OF MAN

The 1st is when you believe in Santa...

The 2nd is when you don't believe in santa...

The 3rd is when you ARE Santa...

The 4th is when you look like Santa ! 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Christmas lights remind me of politicians....

They all hang together. Half of the suckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't all that bright!  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

God gave the three wisemen a star to follow..

because He knew...

they wouldn't ask directions.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Dear Santa ...

I don't want much for Christmas. I just want the person reading this to be happy. Friends are like the fruit cake of life..some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet. But mix them all together and they're my friends.

Love ya,

p.s. Send this to all of your fruitcakes. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BettyCM

                            WELCOME BettyCM

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Newberg's a total schlemiel and has his first date, so he goes to the drug store to buy some condoms. The clerk says, "That'll be $5.98 plus tax."

Newberg says, "Tacks? Don't they stay up by themselves?"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

You might be a redneck if...

Your momma has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

Your Christmas ornaments are made out of spent shot-gun shells.

Your family tree has no forks.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

The most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go Jiggle the handle".

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.

You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of kethup.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they can not have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons....

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

Jay Leno