SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                       LETTERS FROM SANTA

Deer Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for xmas. iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer frend billy

Dear Billy

Nice spelling, You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy to the world for everybody.

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you didn't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Heaven has 20 new little angels today. may they rest in peace.    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

THE NITE B4 CHRISTMAS IN TEXAS, THAT IS.

T'was the night before Christmas, in Texas you know...

Way out on the prairie, without any snow.

Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue..

A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and like you.

Not stockings but boots, at the foot of their beds,

For this was in Texas, what more need be said?

When all of a sudden from out the still night...

There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright!

And I saw cross the prairie, like the shot from a gun...

A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run.

The driver was whistling and shouting with a will..

The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

"Come on there Buck, Poncho, and Prince, to the right..

There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."

The driver in Levis, and a shirt that was red..

Had a 10-gallon Stetson on top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight...

with his beard so very curly and white.

As he burst into the cabin, the children awoke..

And both so astonished, that neither one spoke.

And he filled up their boots with such presents galore...

That neither could think of a single thing more.

When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws..

He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"

"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?"

And he smiled as he gave his mysterious wink,

Then he left in his buckboard, and called back in a drawl.......

TO ALL CHILDREN OF TEXAS --- MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!"

********************************************************

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                          Christmas morning golf

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round...

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it. We'll figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and they met at the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me ! I bought my wife a diamond ring she can't take her eyes off it !"

The second guy said, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyelashes in brochures."

The third guy says," Well my wife is at home with her new sewing machine, reading the manual." 

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds..

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, "Well babe, Merry Christmas..it's a great morning, intercourse of golfcourse?"

She said, "Don't forget your sweater."  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Three Jewish ladies were sitting in a restaurant. The waiter walked up to their table and asked,  "Is anything all right?"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                     MAXINE'S  CHRISTMAS WISH

"I wish a bright star would appear in the East over Washington, D.C.....

We could use a few wise men up there!"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

According to the Alaska Dept. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl...

We should have known...ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-a$$ man in a red suit all around the world in one night and not get lost !   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A NATIONAL MOMENT OF SILENCE WILL BE OBSERVED THIS MORNING AT 8:38 A.M. IN MEMORY OF THOSE SLAIN AT SANDY HOOK ELEMENTARY.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

On Dasher...

On Dasher...

On Master card and Visa ! 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

PLEASE NOTE *

Christmas is cancelled . Apparently you told Santa you've been good this year.

He died laughing!