SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Airline PA

- This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

- It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

- We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..

- Don't worry! That one is always on E...

- Get the parachutes ready...

- Drinks are on me...

- I'll have what the Captain's having...

- Hey capt'n take another hit man...

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz

Must be Southwest !   LOL

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

What really scares me about Halloween, is knowing that all the family holidays are coming up !       

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man of your House".

Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, "From now on, you need to know that when I am done eating my meal, you will clear the dishes and serve me a scrumptious dessert."

"After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will make love the way I want!"

"Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will put on some soothing music, wash my back and towel dry me and bring me my robe. You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so that I can sleep like a baby. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The damn funeral director would be my guess, unless I have you cremated!"    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie-

The damn funeral director would be my guess  

  lol 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Love old Maxine ~ ROTFL 

 

Ice Cream Flavors

 The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

 "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

 "Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.

 "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

10 Guinness' in 10 Minutes

 An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."

 Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar.

 A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"

 "Sure," he says.

 So the bartender lines 10 Guinness' up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.

 As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"

 The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

You know you're getting old when the bank sends you their free calendar, one month at a time......

Old is when you're napping, and everyone is worried that you're dead.

Live each day as if it's your last....

One of these days you'll get it right

Exchange

The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit -- may I exchange it?