SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

A Woman's Random Thoughts

 If you love something, set it free.
 If it comes back, it will always be yours.
 If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
 But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it.

 Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

 Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

 Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

 One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

More of A Woman's Random Thoughts

 Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

 A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

 They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."

 The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

 I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Revenge of A Woman's Random Thoughts

 My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

 The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

 The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

 The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

 Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

 Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

 I gave up jogging for my health... when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

 Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by garrett96

garrett96  welcome to the group

The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class      

  lol

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz

dustbusterz   

The  Hormone  Hostage lol  so true!    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz

Revenge of A Woman's Random Thoughts    lol

In Response to Funny Boy by LafinLady

WELCOME LAFINLADY!   This one's for you.

              PRAYER FOR GRANDPA

Dear God, please send clothes for all the poor ladies on Grandpa's computer.

                                                         Amen

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Glad y alike em  

The Great Writer

 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

 When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

 He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Computer Gender

Why computers should be considered masculine:

 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

 2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers should be considered feminine:

 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.