SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED:

When you drink vodka over ice.....

                    it can give you kidney failure.

When you drink Rum over ice....

                   it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice....

                  it can give you heart problems.

When you drink Gin over ice......

                  it can give you brain problems.

Apparently it's the ice that is the problem!

Warn all of your friends. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox informing me that I can have sex at 73 !

I'm sooooooo happy !  Because I live at unit 67..So it's not far to walk home afterwards.   

Temperence Lecture

 Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner.

 The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.

 The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"

 Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 REMEMBERING  SEPTEMBER 11,  2001    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

  REMEMBERING  SEPTEMBER 11,  2001   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

     SUSPICIONS  CONFIRMED:  

      LOL

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Thank you Nell... that was beautiful.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An oldie, but a goodie:

An English Professor wrote these words on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly....

"A woman without her man is nothing."

All of the males wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

The females wrote:

"A woman, without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful.    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 A goodie we all need some days

 Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder,
 And,Your hand over my mouth!

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

PROOF READING IS A DYING ART.......

MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER.....

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH... (ya think????) 

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAY WALKERS....

PANDA MATING FAILS; VET TAKES OVER...

                     (what a guy!)

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE....     ( ya think??)

COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE .

RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE..... ( you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?")

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT...  ( shouldn't have eaten those beans.)

TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD....

    ( did I read that right?)