SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by curious347

WELCOME CURIOUS ! This one's for you.....

After being married for 40 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly and said, "You're ABCDEFGHIJK.."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, beautiful,cute,delightful,elegant,foxy,gorgeous,and hot."

She smiled, "Oh, that's so lovely...what about JKI?"

He said, "I'm just kidding."

HIs eye's still swollen, but it will get better.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

You laid on my naked body, and applied your mouth to me without guilt or humiliation. You drove me nearly crazy while you drained me. Today when I awoke, you were gone.

I searched for you, but to no avail. Only the sheets bore witness to last nights events.

My body still bears marks of your ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.

Tonight, I will remain awake waiting for you...

FREAKIN' MOSQUITO !!      

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I like this one very much.  My hubby however is still shuddering.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Judy654417

                    My one day employment

By Maxine

After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good job for many retirees, I lasted less than one day....

I was about two hours into my first day on the job, when a loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, "Welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say," Hell no they ain't twins! The oldest is 8, and the other ones 7 ! Why the hell would you think they were twins? Are you blind or stupid?? "

I replied, "I'm neither blind or stupid ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you two times. You have a good day and thanks for shopping at Walmart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work..   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 now this is funny-"FEAKIN MOSQUIT" lol        

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 My one day employment- 

"Life is sexually transmitted" isn't just witty; it's profound! 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by curious347

A cannibal was walking through the jungle
And came upon a restaurant operated by a
Fellow cannibal.   

 
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu....

   +Tourist                                 $5.00

    +Broiled Missionary:             $10.00

  +Fried Explorer:                    $15.00

  +Baked Democrat or

    Grilled Republican:             $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?   They're so full of cr@p, it takes all morning." 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10