SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

BonnieC10    Ans: you got me on that one lol

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An elderly couple were married for many years, even though they hated each other. They were constantly yelling at each other..

The old man would shout , "When I die, I will dig my way up, get out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life!"

To everyone's relief he died of a heart attack at the age of 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and you know men never ask for directions." 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

My wife works all day and was always tired when she came home, and being the caring guy that I am, I thought that a ridng mower would help her get the yard work done quicker as she would have more time for the chores inside the house.

So, being the handy sort, I made her a riding mower. I even put a headlight on it so she could mow after dark, (call me thoughtful).

I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug... to this day, I have never been able to understand why some women are so hard to please.

PS.  I can see out of my left eye pretty good now, and I should be able to leave the hospital sometime next week. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                           GREAT THOUGHT

In my many years, I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame.. two is a law firm... and three or more is a congress.

John Adams

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

         THE WIZARD OF OZ IS 72 YEARS OLD

Today if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz, she'd be in Congress !   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

GREAT THOUGHT

You got that one rightlol

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Political fun. Love it.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                    MY FIRST CONDOM...

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go into a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, not really."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.Apparently I still looked confused.. So she looked around the store to see if it was empty. "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me to the back room....

Well I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open. She told me to slip the condom on, and said, "Hurry, we don't have much time."

It was wonderful, but unfortunately I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, it only took a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put the condom on?" she asked, I said," sure did.... and held up my thumb to show her....

She then beat the sh-- out of me ! Women have always been hard for me to figure out..

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I pulled into a crowded parking lot at the mall, and rolled down my window to make sure my Lab puppy had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat. I walked to the curb and pointed my finger at the car and said, "Now you stay! Do you hear me? Stay!Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde lady, gave me a strange look and then said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"