SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 A Happy and safe 4th of July to all 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Nell.. love that ! Hope you have a good one too !

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore, because the word "GOD" is mentioned.. a kid in Arizona wrote the following:

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd...

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow,

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange green...

That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall,

Might offend someone with no faith at all.

In silence alone we must meditate,

God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.

They've outlawed guns, but first the Bible,

To quote the Good Book makes me liable!

We can select a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the "unwed daddy" our Senior King.

It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,

We're taught that such "judgements" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles,

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed.

No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school's a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make,

Should I be shot, my soul to take. !

Amen

              ***

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

This is great and should also be posted on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. People need to start to think

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Maxine says:

"The economy is so bad, Brad & Angelina have fired their nannies and are trying to learn the names of their own children .. "  

"The economy is so bad... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressman."    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by closetbird

I agree, Closetbird.  Out of the mouths of babes.......  Have a great holiday weekend.   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

There was a knock at the door this morning> I opened it to find a young man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said, "Come on in and sit down."

I offered him a cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the crap out of me, I've never gotten this far before..."    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Welcome Peonie !

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting to be the time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession...

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went to the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects..

1.  A Bible

2.  A silver dollar

3.  A bottle of whiskey

4.  A Playboy magazine..

"I'll just hide behind the door and when he comes home I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be.

If it's the silver dollar, he'll be a business man and that's okay.

If it's the whiskey, he'll be a no good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up the magazine, he'll be a skirt -chasing womanizer!

The old man waited patiently and soon heard his son's footsteps approaching.

The boy tossed his books on the bed and spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over, picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold...

"Lord have mercy!" the old preacher whispered,

"He's gonna run for Congress!"    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I caught a stray parrot on my porch this a.m. All he says is, "Good morning you old sh--!"

Is he yours?    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Sitting in the first row at a baseball game, with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the President.

Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently. The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request from the owner of the team down to the bat boy, and the fans would love it !"

So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the people want...He gets up and grabs Michelle by the collar and the seat of her pants, and drops her over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking and screaming and the crowd goes wild, cheering, applauding and high-fiving. Barack is bowing and smiling and leans over to the agent and says, "You were right. I would never have believed that!"

Then noticing that the agent had gone totally pale, Barack asks, "What's wrong?"

The agent replies, "Sir, I said they want you to throw out the first PITCH !"