Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town's undertaker ( who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after , the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had chosen was too small for the wording. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering the limited space .

For days he agonized over the dilemna, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

'RETURNED UNOPENED"

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Charlie, a new retiree-greeter at WalMart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time...

Every day he was 5,10,15 minutes late.. but he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded, a real credit to the company and, obviously good at demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I'm working on it"

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, "Good morning, Admiral....can I get you coffee, sir?"

GOD BLESS AMERICA !

Hal

Contributor ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Hal

THE ECONOMY IS SOOOO BAD.........

( according to Maxine)

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico !!

Exxon-Mobile laid off 15 Congressmen !!

McDonalds is selling the "Quarter- Ouncer" !!

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than Chrysler and GM !!

CEO's are now playing miniature golf !

Motel Six won't leave the light on for ya anymore !!!

Hal

Contributor ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

The economy is that bad, that CEOs have been reduced to playing miniature golf? Well, on a lighter theme...

Never Argue with a Woman, especially if she reads

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies ,

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault ,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

I always start running in the Fall....

Not all of me, just my nose..

Maxine

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Maxine says:

"Congress says they are looking deeper into the Bernie Madoff scandal...Well, ain't that just great ! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear, is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 TRILLION disappear !! "

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

GOTTA LOVE THESE T SHIRTS FOR SENIORS.....

i'D RATHER BE A SMART A$$ THAN A DUMB SH-- !

I HATE EVERYONE !

AT MY AGE I'VE

SEEN IT ALL....

DONE IT ALL....

HEARD IT ALL....

I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL !

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup....

As she was still mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the "What Would Jesus do"? bumper sticker, the "Choose Life" plate holder, and the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome -plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.....

So naturally, I thought you had stolen the car!"

JanieB

Contributor ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

From BettyBoop:

Well, I lost the trivia contest at the senior center last night by 1 point.

I not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.

The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"

Apparently, the correct answer is Fiji .

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