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BonnieC10
Community Champion ⭐⭐
July 12, 2010

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

  • July 12, 2010
  • 2655 replies
  • 427457 views

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    2655 replies

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    BonnieC10Author
    Community Champion ⭐⭐
    August 4, 2010

    In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by JanieB

    Janie....welcome aboard. Thanks for my smile this a.m.  

     

    Papa mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, "What a beautiful day, I smell honey!"

    Then mama mole sticks her head out of the hole and says, "Oh, Yum !  I smell honey too."

    Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air..... but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. This makes him whine..."Geez, all I can smell is...........................

    MOLEASSES !

    B
    BonnieC10Author
    Community Champion ⭐⭐
    August 5, 2010

    In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

    If you're talking about me behind my back.....

    You're in a good position to kiss my a$$  !  

    RonnieSteve5852
    RonnieSteve5852
    Contributor ⭐⭐⭐
    July 16, 2014

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      BonnieC10Author
      Community Champion ⭐⭐
      July 17, 2014

      Thanks for posting !!    Have a great day  Smiley Happy

      B
      BonnieC10Author
      Community Champion ⭐⭐
      August 5, 2010

      In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

      Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism.. No matter how horrible the circumstances, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it....

      On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night and found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"

      "That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse..."

      "How in Hell?" asked his bewildered friends.

      "Well, " replied Frank. "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now."     

      nell2
      nell2
      Contributor ⭐⭐
      August 5, 2010

      In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

      Franks right he would be dead.....LOL  

                                        just nell

      RonnieSteve5852
      RonnieSteve5852
      Contributor ⭐⭐⭐
      July 25, 2014

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      BonnieC10Author
      Community Champion ⭐⭐
      July 26, 2014
      Still laughing over that one !
      B
      BonnieC10Author
      Community Champion ⭐⭐
      August 6, 2010

      In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

      4 Older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac...But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long."

      The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too.. I am a nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long."

      "Well," said the third lady, "I too must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship."

      The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make.!"

       

       

      R
      rosa2sail
      Contributor ⭐
      August 6, 2010

      In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

      This is a GREAT ONE.. Thanks.. Made me laugh ~ smiles ha ha

      B
      BonnieC10Author
      Community Champion ⭐⭐
      October 31, 2017

      I could go for a hayride, or I could shove sharp sticks down my pants....same difference.

       

      I must be sleepwalking... I've wandered into some bad Charlie Brown dream !

       

       

          HAPPY HALLOWEEN  !

        B
        BonnieC10Author
        Community Champion ⭐⭐
        August 7, 2010

        In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by rosa2sail

         

        Welcome Rosa ~

        Hope your day is a great one !      

         

        An elderly senior couple were invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening...

        She was impressed by the way the friend preceeded every request to her hubby with an indearing term, such as " Honey, My Love, Darling,Sweetheart, Pumpkin etc."

        The couple head been married nearly 70 years and clearly were still very much in love.

        While the husband was in the living room, she leaned over to her host and said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call your hubby all those pet names!

        The elderly lady hung her head, "I have to tell you the truth," she said. "His name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old a$$hole what his name really is !"   

        B
        BonnieC10Author
        Community Champion ⭐⭐
        August 8, 2010

        In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

        Three little ducks go into a bar.....

        "Say, what's your name?" asks the bartender to the first duck.

        "Huey"... replies the first duck.

        "How's your day been, Huey?" the bartender asks.

        "Great ! Lovely day, had a ball . Been in and out of puddles all day. What more could a duck want?"   

        "Oh, nice!" 

        "What's your name ?" he asks the second duck.

        "Dewey, and I've had a great day as well. In and out of Puddles all day, what else could a duck want?"

        The bartender turns to duck number three and says, "Your name must be Louie?"

        "No"......   she bats her eyelashes.......

        "My name is.....

        Puddles.       

        RonnieSteve5852
        RonnieSteve5852
        Contributor ⭐⭐⭐
        July 28, 2014

         

        Husband’s Message (by cellphone): 

        Honey,I got hit by a car outside of the office.  Paula brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.


        Wife’s Response: 

         

        Who is Paula?

         

          B
          BonnieC10Author
          Community Champion ⭐⭐
          July 29, 2014

          My small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.

           

          He approached a uniformed security guard and said.. "My grandpa is lost."

           

          The guard asked, "What's his name?"

           

          "Grandpa."

           

          The guard smiled and then asked, "What's he like?"

           

          The little tyke thought for a moment and then said,

           

          "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs."     Smiley Frustrated

          B
          BonnieC10Author
          Community Champion ⭐⭐
          August 8, 2010

          In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

          First let me thank our members, new and old for sharing your smiles with us. 

           I hope everyone is having a terrific summer. I will be away for the remainder of the week and will not be posting.  I'll catch everyone when I return. In the meantime.....

          "Keep on smilin' "      

          J
          J0yce1
          Contributor ⭐⭐
          August 12, 2010

          In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

          Hey, Bonnie,

          Hope you had great vacation..I'm not certain where you could go that would be nicer than Maine?

          I spent many happy summers Falmouth, Foreside until daugher returned to Michigan.

          -----

           
          The train was en route from Bangor to Portland. One of Maine's typical sons was stretched across two seats in the day-coach contemplating the rugged scenery. At a small station another male boarded the coach. The passenger had the eager, inquiring eye and the long prehensile nose of a certain sub-species of the genus Yankee, of which he was a perfect specimen.

          As he slumped down alongside the sprawling one, the newcomer spied in the rack above their heads a stout, smallish wooden box, heavily corded, with augur holes bored in the sides and ends of it. Speaking in a gorgeous Down-East drawl the inquisitive party put his first question:

          "Nice day?"

          "Yep," said the other.

          "Goin' fur?"

          "Portland."

          "Portland, huh? - live thar?"

          "No, visiting."

          "That your box up thar?"

          "Yep."

          "Looks kind of solid?"

          "Is."

          "Looks kind of heavy, too?"

          "Is."

          "Got holes in it, I see?"

          "Yep."

          "Whut's the holes fur?"

          "Air."

          "Whut you need air fur?"

          "So it can breathe."

          "So whut kin breathe?"

          "What's inside."

          "Oh!... Well, whut is inside?"

          "Mongoose."

          "Mon which?"

          "No, mongoose."

          "Mongoose, heh?"

          "Yep."

          "Whut the heck is a mongoose?"

          "Small East Indian animal."

          "Slick?"

          "No, furry."

          "Tame?"

          "Not very."

          "Would it bite you?"

          "In a minute."

          "Whut you want with a critter like that?"

          The pestered traveler straightened up.

          "Well," he said, "I'll tell you. A mongoose is an animal that lives off reptiles - snakes, lizards, toads. I've got an uncle in Portland. Fine man, respected citizen and all that, but he's got one weakness. Drinks. When he drinks he's bothered by snakes and lizards. I'm taking the mongoose down there to eat 'em."

          "Yes, but gosh! Them varmints he sees is imaginary snakes!"

          "Well, this is an imaginary mongoose." (By Irvin S. Cobb)

           

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