SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Global Facts about Sex at any given moment:

Fact:  79,000,000 people are engaging in sex right now!

Fact:  58,000,000 are kissing.

Fact: 31,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

Fact:  1 old person is reading emails.

You hang in there sunshine. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                   SIGNS OF OUR TIMES

WARNING:

Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

We love kids, but please keep yours at your table. Unattended kids will be given a shot of espresso, and a free puppy.

No trespassing!

Violators will be shot.

Survivors will be shot again.

Extreme fire danger!

Don't even fart in the woods !

Drive slow....see our village.

Drive fast......see our judge!

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A man was in a terrible accident and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body.

His doctor assured him that modern medicine could repair the damage, but that his insurance would not  cover it as it would be considered cosmetic...

The doctor said, "The cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium,and $14,000 for large."

The man was sure that he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife. The man then called and explained the options to his wife. When the doctor returned he found the man looking dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" he asked.

The man said, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on their 40th wedding anniversary...

The hubby yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here lies my wife--- Cold as ever."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die I'm getting you one that says, "Here lies my husband--- Stiff at last !"        

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                  THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die....

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks..

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A Catholic priest was about to leave his mission in the jungles where he had spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this the chief looks and grunts, "Rock".

The Priest is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The Chief looks at the couple, pulls out his blowgun, and kills them.....

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the Chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to one another. "How could you kill these people in cold blood that way?"

The Chief replied, "My bike !! "

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Hubby arrived home with a tube of KY Jelly...He said to his wife, "This will make you happy tonight."

He was right.............

When he went out of the bedroom, his wife squirted it all over the door handle. He couldn't get back in."     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                  THE DARWIN'S ARE OUT !!!

Yes, it's that magical time of the year when the Darwin  Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.....

When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, Ca., would-be robber James Elliot did something than can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked !     

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her...

Seems that an Arkansas guy wantedsome beer pretty badly. He decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  The cinder block bounced back a hit him on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of plexiglas . The whole event was caught on videotape.  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie  KY Jelly...lol