SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by J0yce1

No time to follow the forecast today.....to busy shoveling !   LOL

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror.

Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her. In an act of depression , she decided to call on God for help.

"God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you."  She prayed and prayed........and just like that.......   her ears fell off."    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

As a last minute Christmas gift, my niece received a talking Muslim doll.

Nobody knows what the hell it says.. Because no one has the balls to pull the string !     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

While creating husbands, God promised women that God's ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.....  and then He made the earth round !

That God, He's such a joker !     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"Where is my Sunday newspaper?" the irate customer calling the newspaper office demanded.

"Ma'am" said the employee, "today's Saturday.The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow...on Sunday!"

There was quiet and a long pause on the other end of the line, followed by a ray of recognition...and she was heard to mutter, "Well, sh-- that explains why there was no one at church today !"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                      PICK ON BLONDES DAY

Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying , turned around and went home.

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, " What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks , "How often do I have to do that?"

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a park bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away....Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says. "Helloooooooo, can you see Florida?"      

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Today's word is:     Fluctuations

I was at my bank today. There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yens for dollars.

It was obvious that she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change?" Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks to see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Yesterday you took it away ,and today you expect me to show it to you!"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A policer stops a blond-lol  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

            Marvin

     ( the male Maxine )

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way...So I stole a bike and asked for Him to forgive me.

I was walking down the road and saw my Arab neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor balcony shaking out a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong Abdul? Won't it start?"

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.