SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A recent joint study conducted by the Dept. of Health    lol

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"Twas the day after Christmas

And all through the house...

Were ribbons and Barbies,

And Mickey the Mouse.

The kids were up early,

To play with their loot..

Mom and Dad were too tired

To give half a hoot!

They slumbered exhausted,

Til well half-past eight..

When the children, who now

Could no longer wait.

Pounced on their parents,

With giggles and whoops..

And coaxed them to rise,

And serve them Fruit Loops.

The scene that greeted poor

Mom's sleepy head,

Almost convinced her

To go back to bed!

Empty glasses still sat

On the tables and shelves,

Where the guests had left them,

"Ere leaving themselves.

The plates and the pans were all

Snug in the sink,

Waiting for cleanup,

Much later, I think.

The dog and the cat

Were gobbling the scraps,

That had tumbled from

Grandpa's and the kids' laps.

There was paper and chaos,

From wall to wall.

With boxes and bags that

Came from the mall.

After breakfast, the cleanup

Began with a flurry...

For more guests were coming

Today, hence the hurry.

Each paper and box

Was checked 'mid the dash,

For parts before tossing

The debris in the trash.

While Mom ran the vacuum

Dad bravely tried,

To assemble some toys,

From directions supplied.

The work, it went smoothly,

With many false starts...

The directions were vague.

And missing some parts.

For Dad, though quite clever..

And highly enthused..

Was no match for instructions

That merely confused.

Frustrated, he tossed

The instructions aside..

And figured it out

On his own, with some pride.

For it seems that the only

Words not confusing...

Said, "Made in China"

(Which was not amusing)!

Later that day, other friends

Came a-calling....

Leaving more dishes,

The mess was appalling.

And so it continued,

"Til New Year's Eve 's bliss..

When the grownups relaxed

With drink and a kiss.

Now the Season was over,

Calm reigned once again...

And they swore to each other..

"Next year we'll stay sane!"      

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

It's winter in Virginia..

And the gentle breezes blow..

70 MPH and 52 below!

Oh how I love Virginia..

When the ice 's up to your butt...

You take a breath of winter air..

And your nose is frozen shut!

Yes, the winter there is wonderful..

You may think I'm a fool..

I could never leave Virginia....

"Cause I'm frozen to the stool !     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Last New Years Eve the wife and I decided to stay home and watch TV.

I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel...

She became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For God's sake ! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Stimulus is working....I think everyone should lighten up on Obama. Why, just a little over a month ago he got jobs for 63 Republicans. 

In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by bambam76

Bambam.. thanks for posting.

                    HAPPY NEW YEAR !

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                              NEW YEAR'S WISHES

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist,your cardiologist,your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your trigylcerides, your cholestrol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better,the environment quiter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sale calls until you finish your dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your balance balance, and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say, "I love you," at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings, but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser, or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petal, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

                                         2011

                             HAPPY NEW YEAR

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house..

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,

At the holiday parties, had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales, there arose such a number...

When I walked to the store, (less a walk than a lumber)

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared..

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The cakes and the pies, the bread and the cheese..

And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my X-husband's old shirt...

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can..

"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruitcake every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like, must be banished...

"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick..

I'll only chew on a celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits,cornbread, or pie...

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly try..

I'm hungry , I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot...

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all, and to all a good diet !  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Maxine says:

"I don't make snowmen . If I'd wanted to hang around with a cold man with slush for brains, I'd still be married."