SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day, when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, Billy Bob performs a slow piroutte and gently slides off first the right strap of his overhalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward in a classic striptease move, he lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath.. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the snot out of me!" exclaimed Billy Bob. Then, obviously embarrassed, he says, "Me and the old lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something to a tractor."   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn  lmbo

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Please be advised I am sick of receiving questions about my dog who mauled 3 Muslims sitting on a rug next to my back wall, 6 illegals wearing Obama t-shirts, 4 Democrats wearing Pelosi t-shirts, 2 rappers, 5 phone operators who asked me to press #1 for English, 9 teenagers with their pants hanging down past their cracks, 8 customer service desk people speaking in broken English, 10 flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.

FOR THE LAST TIME....THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber..

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."

Bob was stunned. "I'm dead?" No ! I can't be! I've got too much to live for, send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him back to a farm near his home...The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past..."So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day?"

"Not bad," replied Bob to the hen. "But I have this strange feeling inside, like I'm gonna explode."

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

"Never," said Bob.

"Well, just relax and let it happen.' says the rooster, "It's no big deal."

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg...his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell...

"BOB, WAKE UP!!! YOU JUST Sh** THE BED !"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 Bob came home drunk one night... lol     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

TOP 10 REASONS WHY MEN PREFER GUNS OVER WOMEN...

10.      You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

 9.       You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

 8.        If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

 7.       Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

 6.       Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

 5.       A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

 4.       Guns function normally every day of the month.

 3.       A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

 2.      A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason why men prefer guns to women...........

 1.      You can buy a silencer for a gun !   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie  eek yor not on are side lol 

22. You can buy a silencer for a gun !  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

LOL, and I heard SIDES don't matter ...  Oh, sorry, that is size not sides.  Run for the hills, Nell.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Marriage  Humour:  

Wife: What are  you doing?
Husband:  Nothing.  
Wife:  Nothing...? You've been reading our  marriage  certificate  for an  hour.
Husband: I was  looking for the expiry date.  
 
-------------------------------  

Wife:  Do you  want dinner?
Husband:  Sure! What  are my choices?
Wife: Yes or  no.
____________  
 
Wife:  You always  carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?  
Hubby: When  there is a problem, no matter how great, I look  at your picture and the problem disappears.  
Wife: You see  how miraculous and powerful I am for you?  
Hubby: Yes! I  see your picture and ask myself what other  problem can there be greater than this one?  
--------------------------------------------------------  
 
Stress  Reliever Girl: When we  get married, I want to share all your worries,  troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's  very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any  worries or troubles.
Girl: Well  that's because we aren't married yet.  

----------------------!  --------

Son:  Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this  morning, he told me to give up my seat to a  lady.
Mom:  Well, you have done the right thing.  
Son:  But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.  
________________________________  

 A newly  married man asked his wife, 'Would you have  married me if my father hadn't left me a  fortune?'
'Honey,'  the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married  you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Girl  to her boyfriend:  One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The  guy replies:  Thanks for the early warning.

-------------------------------  

A wife  asked her husband, 'What do you like most in me,  my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked  at her from head to toe and replied
'I like  your sense of humour!'

Husbands  are husbands

A man was  sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him  round the head with a  frying pan.
'What was  that for?' the man asked.
The wife  replied 'That was for the piece of paper with  the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants  pocket'.
The man  then said 'When I was at the races last week  Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'  
The wife  apologized and went on with the housework.  

Three days  later the man is watching TV when his wife  bashes him on the head with an even bigger  frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon  re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she  had hit again.
Wife  replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!!  '


Give me a  sense of humour,  Lord,  

In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by JanieB

 thanks Janie B

Marriage  Humour