SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."

Rodney Dangerfield

"Money can't buy you happiness...but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."

Spike Milligan

"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was  SHUT UP."

Joe Namath

"I don't feel old, I don't feel anything until noon,then it's time for my nap."

Bob Hope

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things the fish do in it."

W.C.Fields

There are witches in my mailbox.....

What am I to do??

I found them there this morning,

Doing things they shouldn't do..

How the witches got there

I haven't got a clue..

But they won't be there much longer

Because I'm sending them to YOU !!!

You've been Witch Kissed !

Before the warts begin to spread,

Pass the kisses on instead !

A BIG CYBER WELCOME TO OUR NEWEST MEMBERS:

rtreece

janetredfield4

                      May smiles come your way everyday !

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her with the maid, and decided to lay a trap for him.

One evening she sent the maid home early for the weekend, and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the hubby gave the old story, "Excuse me dear, my stomach aches." and he went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed and turned out the lights.

Right on cue in he came and had his way with her. Later the wife said, "You didn't expect to find me in this bed did you?" and she turned on the light.

"No ma'am," said the gardner.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop starring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies: 

"I have a question to ask and I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son you cannot offend me. I've seen and heard about everything, so there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy about kissing a nun."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. #1 , you have to be single, and #2 you must be Catholic."

The driver is very excited. "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"Okay," she says, "Pull into that alley."

The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush...

But when they get back onto the street, the cabbie begins to cry.

"Forgive me, but I've sinned" he admits. "I'm married and Jewish."

The nun says "That's Okay. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."  

BY PUMPKINS FAT

AND WITCHES LEAN....

BY BLACK COOL CATS

WITH EYES OF GREEN...

BY ALL THE HAPPINESS

EVER DREAMED...

I WISH YOU ALL

A SAFE HALLOWEEN !!!       

An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. The judge asked her what she had stolen, and she replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked her how many peaches was in the can and she said, "6".

The judge gave her six days in jail.

Her husband popped up and said, "She also stole a can of peas.".....

                              KFC UPDATE

Remember when Playboy magazine offered Sarah Palin $4million to pose nude in an upcoming issue?

Then Michelle OBama was offered $50 by National Geographic?

KFC offered a "Hillary" meal consisting of two small breasts and 2 large thighs?

Now KFC is offering the Obama Bucket;

It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken sh-- !! 

A chicken farmer went to a local bar...he sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.

The woman said, "How strange..I also just ordered champagne."

"What a coincidence" said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day for me...I'm celebrating."

"It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating." said the woman.

:"What a coincidence." said the farmer.

While they toasted, the man asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I are trying to have a child for years, and today my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."

"What a coincidence!" said the man, "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

"That is awesome." said the woman.

"What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"

"I used a different rooster." he said.

The woman smiled and said...........

'WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!"      

                             FLU TIME COMING

Choose your partners, one and all...

Aspirin, Advil, or Tylenol !

Now fling those covers with all you've got...

One minute cold, the next minute hot.

Circle right to the side of the bed...

Grab the tissues and Sudafed.

Back to the middle and don't goof off...

Hold your stomach and cough,cough,cough.

Forget about slippers, dash down the hall..

Toss your cookies in the shower stall.

Remember others on the brink...

Wash your hands, wash the sink.

Wipe the doorknob, light switch too..

By George, you've got it, You're doing the "FLU !

Some like it cold, some like it hot...

If you like neither, get the shot !!!