SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS (CONT.)

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY

By  Bill Clinton

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

By  Bill Gates

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

By Amelia Earhart

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

By Dennis Rodman

TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE

By  Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

By  Mike Tyson

A BIG CYBER WELCOME TO OUR NEWEST MEMBERS  !!!

Rabbitfeet21greatgma

Indybelle

After a tiring day at the office, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him, pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice. "Hi sweetie, it's Barb. I'm on train. Yes, I know I'm late, my meeting lasted longer than usual. No, not with Kevin from accounting, it was with the boss. No sweetie, I'm sure. Cross my heart. "

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man next to her had had enough, he leaned over and said into  her phone, "Barb , hang up and come back to bed!"

Barb doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig!

"Well, whatcha gonna about it?" he says, as I burst into tears.

"Come on , man, " the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life." I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting, and got fired. When I went to the parking lot , I found my car stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."

"So I came in here to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then a jack-ass like you shows up and drinks the whole thing!

                                        JOB JOKES

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodes, just heads.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. When he asked about his bill, the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank-you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at the door.

Later, a cop came in and was also told his money could not be accepted. The next morning when the barber went to open the shop, there was a 'thank-you' note and a dozen donuts.

When a Congressman came in for a haircut, and was told there was no charge, he happily left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open his shop, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up for a free haircut.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON !  

                             HAPPY LABOR DAY TO ALL !!

A BIG CYBER WELCOME TO :

Stephenbushi

Suegmorales

                            A LITTLE JEWISH HUMOR

Two Jewish women in New York. One says "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back , I don't see anything."

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, " Yes," and walked away.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.....

Why do Jewish men die before their wives?

They want to.

POLISH JOKES:

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle?

One piece.

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? He's the one with the Easter basket.

A Polish man bought abra for a pet. What does he call the zebra?

Spot.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces.....

What happened?

They were bobbing for french fries.

T'was the nite before school started......

When all through the town...

The parents were cheering,

It was a riotous sound.

By eight the kids were washed and in bed,

When memories of homework,

filled them with dread.

New pencils, new folders, new notebooks too !

New teachers, new friends...

Their anxiety grew.

The parents just giggled

When they learned of this fright...

They shouted upstairs....

"GO TO BED......IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT !"