SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

IF YOU'VE LIVED IN MAINE, THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW THESE THINGS:

You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.

You diet all week so you can consume 40,000 calories at the fair.

You eat ice cream with flavors like "Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear".

When it snows four inches you call it 'a dusting'.

You are surprised to discover there aren't any fried clam shacks elsewhere in the country.

You know what an Irving is, and the location of 15 of them .

Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in the spring.

You can drive the Augusta traffic circles without breaking into a cold sweat.

You think a gravel pit is a cool place to hang out.

You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.

You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid Stste Park.

Even your school cafeteria made good chowdah.

If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck,

Does it mean he's attempting to

Bust a move?

IF YOU'VE LIVED IN MAINE CONT.

You know the difference between pea, yellow eye, and Red Kidney.

You wouldn't eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowdah if you were starving.

Al least once in your life, a sea gull has pooped on you.

You call that long sandwich an "Italian."

Your kids started using 'wicked' as a multipurpose part of speech.

You've ditched your car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads!

You know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.

You've watched "Murder She Wrote" and snickered at the stupid fake accents.

You have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town plow.

You know what fly dope is.

The area around your back door is referred to as 'the dooryard'.

You've got red hotdogs, and Moxie in the fridge.

Hope this brought back memories to all you Maineiacs out there.   : )

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove, seemed to be too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask, do you have any experience picking lemons?"

"Well," she replied. "Actually I do. I've been divorced 3 times, owned 2 Chryslers, and voted for O'Bama!"   

A milkman, on his morning delivery route, found a note in a blonde's milk box asking for 25 gallons of milk...

Thinking she must have made an error and meant to say 2.5 gallons of milk, he rang the door bell to ask and make sure. The blonde answered and assured him she did mean 25 gallons of milk.

"I want to fill my bathtub and take a milk bath so I will be beautiful".

The milkman then asked, "Do you want pasteurized?"

The blonde replied, "No, as long as it covers my boobs, I can splash it on my face."  

Outside England's Bristol Zoo, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years it's parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were $1.40 for cars and about $7. for buses.

Then one day after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up. So the zoo management contacted the city council and asked them to send another parking agent.

The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. The council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.......

Meanwhile, sitting in a villa on the coast of France, Italy or Spain, is a man who apparently had a ticket booth completely on his own and then had simply begun to collect the parking fees estimated at about $560. a day.... for 25 years!

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7.000,000... and no one knows his name !

Welcome to our newest cyber friend....

                Actually 21

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.

Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures. In her hand was a sign announcing .... Free Kittens....

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man..

"Hi there little girl, I'm President OBama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.

"Kittens." little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Obama.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats." answered Suzy with a smile.

Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car he called the PR chief and told him about the little girl with the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the President should return the next day, and in front of the media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of.... "FREE KITTENS"..

when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC,NBC,CBS and CNN.

Cameras and audio equiptment were quickly set up. Then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again." he said. I'd love it if you would tell my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes Sir," Suzy said, "They're Republicans,"

Taken by surprise, the President stammered, "But,,but.. yesterday you said they were DEMOCRATS."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know, but today they have their eyes open."   : )

An 85 year old woman asked President Obama if her Insurance covered her hip replacement operation she needed. President Obama said, "No, it doesn't cover hip replacements. But you are eligible for birth control." 😞

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th of Ju;ly picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious." the priest teased the Rabbi, "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden. You don't know what you're missing."

"You haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's Virginia baked ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The Rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin and said, "At your wedding."