SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

                     INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

I thought you might want to consider getting on board early....

A Polish Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says the prophets are through the roof. 

"Some may own castles on the banks of the Rhine,

And hire an orchestra each evening at nine...

But richer than I they will never be...

I had a Dad who spent time with me."

Ma loves Pa.......

Pa loves women...

Ma caught Pa..

With two in swimmin'...

Here lies Pa...

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                   Here lies Pancrazio Juvenales

                 He was a good husband

                 A wonderful Father

                 But a bad electrician !

        HAPPY  FATHER' S DAY

To all Dad's out there... biological and otherwise.

The officer said,  "You drinkin'?"

I said, "You buyin'?"

We laughed....

And laughed....

I need bail money.   : (

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Mabel, and her friend Ethyll, were relaxing reading magazines.

Mabel said, "I'm in the mood for a quickie."

Ethyll replied, "I think that's pronounced... Quiche!"

I'M 5' FT 9" TALL

WELCOME TO OUR NEWEST CYBER FRIEND... STRETCH 97 ! 

MAY A SMILE COME YOUR WAY, EACH AND EVERY DAY.

A Redneck goes to the pharmacist and says, "Got me a hot date tonite and I need me some protection. How much is a pack o' dem rubbers gonna cost me?"

The Pharmacist responds...."A 3-pk. of condoms is $4.99 with tax."

To which the redneck replies, "Tacks!!  Gawd a' mighty, don't they stay on by thereself?"

During a visit to the doctor, I asked him ,"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a nursing home?"

"Well," he said. "We fill up a bathtub , then we offer a teaspoon, a cup or a bucket to the person to empty the tub with."

"Oh, I undertstand," I said, "A normal person would use the bucket, because it's bigger than a spoon or a cup."

"No," he said, "A normal person would pull the plug."......

"Do you want a bed near the window?"

A YOUNG MAN GOT AN 'F' ON THIS EXAM, BUT AN A+ FOR CREATIVITY....

1.  In which battle did Napoleon die?

        ans:   His last one.

2.  Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

       ans:  On the bottom of the page.

3.  River Ravi flows in which state?

       Ans: Liquid state.

4.  What is the main reason for divorce?

      Ans:  Marriage.

5.  What is the main reason for exams?

     Ans:   Failure

6.  What can you never eat for Breakfast?

     Ans:  Lunch and dinner

7.  What looks like half an apple?

     Ans:  The other half.

8.  If you threw a red stone into the Blue Sea, what will it become?

     Ans:  Simply a wet stone.

9.  How can a man go 8 days without sleeping?

    Ans:  Easy.. sleep at night.

10.  How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

     Ans:  You can never lift an elephant that has one hand.

11.  If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 oranges and 4 apples in the other hand, what would you have?

      Ans:  Very large hands.

12.  If it took 8 men 10 hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take 4 men to build it?

      Ans:  No time at all, the wall was already built.

13.  How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

      Ans:  Anyway you want, because a concrete floor is very hard to crack.

                          TEXTING FOR SENIORS

Young people have theirs, now Seniors have their own texting codes:

ATD-  At the Doctor's

BFF -  Best friend's funeral

BTW - Bring the wheelchair

BYOT- Bring your own teeth

CBM-  Covered by Medicare

CUATSC- See you at the senior center

DWI-  Driving while incontinent

FWIW- Forgot where I was

GGPBL- Gotta go,Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA-   Got heartburn again

HGBM- Had good bowel movement

LMDO- Laughing my dentures out

LOL-   Living on Lipitor

OMSG- Oh my! Sorry, gas

TOT-   Texting on toilet

WAITT- Who am I talking to?

GGLKI-  Gotta go, Laxative kicking in !    : )