SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

A beautiful poem about growing older........

Sh-- !  I forgot the words........  : (

A woman recieved a call that her daughter was sick...

She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and discovered that she had locked the keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger laying on the ground.

She looked at it and asked God to send her help.

Within 5 minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.

A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag asked her if he could help..

She said, "Yes, my daughter is sick, and I've locked my keys in my car. Can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and within less than a minute the car was open.

She hugged the man through tears said, "Thank you SO much! You are a nice  man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday. I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you God!  You even sent me a Professional!"

Is God good, or what ?   : )

                            ADULT TRUTHS****

1.  Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2.  Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize that you're wrong....

3.  How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

4.  Bad decisions make good stories.

5.  Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue-Ray ? I don't want to have to restart my collection....again !

6.  I disagree with Kay Jewlers . I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

7.  I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

8.  How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

9.  I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters !

10. The first testicular guard"The Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first 'helmet' was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important!

                                                GRADUATION

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing....and the traditional caps, they looked almost... as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears. This class would NOT pray during the commencements....not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families...

The speeches were nice, but they were routine... until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then it happened.....

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED !!

The student on stage...simply looked at the audience and said, "GOD BLESS YOU" each and every one of you !"   ..... and he walked off the stage.

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's approval.

This is a true story.... it happened at the University of Maryland.

In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY:

 Bonnie, Your daily jokes are one of the few reasons I still visit this site but I can't ignore an urban legend. http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/sneeze.asp 

Thank you Earl !   I'm glad you enjoy them . Have a great day .

In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY:

In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY:  Bonnie, Your daily jokes are one of the few reasons I still visit this site but I can't ignore an urban legend. http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/sneeze.asp                                                Posted by Oldkayaker

A Father is someone who carries pictures

Where his money used to be. 

                               Pennies From Heaven

I found a penny today

Just lying on the ground...

But it's not just a penny,

This little coin I've found.

Found pennies come from Heaven,

That's what my grandpa told me..

He said Angel's toss them down,

Oh,  how I loved that story.

He said when an angel misses you,

They toss a penny down...

Sometimes just to cheer you up,

To make a smile out of your frown.

So don't pass by a penny,

When you're feeling blue...

It may be a penny from Heaven,

That an Angel's tossed to you.

Anyone can be a Father......

But it takes someone special to be a Dad ! 

                    WHEN YOU ARE OVER 70, WHO GIVES A CRAP?

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, You'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."   : )

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I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today...

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in...

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I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table...

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "You think so?"

I said, "Definitely!  Most tables would have collapsed by now."   : (

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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born by feeling her boobs.

"Really?"  she said, "Go on then....try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said......  "Yesterday." 

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                           WHEN YOU'RE OVER 70 WHO GIVES A CRAP?