SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Because I feel that

in the heavens above,

The angels whispering

one to another...

Can find among their

burning terms of love,

None so devotional

as that of "Mother".

Edgar Allen Poe

                        IT'S MOTHER

When school is over and I run

Back to my home once more,

There's someone that I hope to see

Waiting at the door....it's Mother.

When friends forsake and I'm alone,

I am so glad to know

Of one who's always faithful

No matter where I go..... it's Mother.

When pain and sorrow are my lot,

And life seems cold and drear,

I have a friend to comfort me,

And fill my heart with cheer...... it's Mother.

And when the trials of earth are past,

And angels call for me,

There's one who still will be my friend,

Throughout eternity...... it's Mother.   

                    HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

To all Mom's out there biological and other wise ! 

                   It's Mother's Day May 12, 2013

Don't forget to buy a bottle of wine for your mom......

Remember.....you're the reason she drinks!  

A husband asked his greedy wife..."What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replied, "I would take half, and then leave you."

"Excellent" he replied. "I just won $12 bucks! Here's $6. now get out !"

Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.

One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:

                               DA END ISS NEAR !

                               TURN YERSEF AROUNT

                                        NOW

                               BEFORE IT ISS TO LATE!

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve, they hear screeching tires and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Rev. Ole says, "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'"

"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks,  "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'BRIDGE OUT?"

A man got on a bus with both of his pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful ( you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets...

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, " It's golf balls"..

The blonde asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" 

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

He placed 4 worms in seperate jars.

The first worm was placed in alcohol.

The 2nd worm in cigarette smoke

The 3rd worm in chocolate syrup

And the 4th worm in good clean soil.

The first worm in alcohol ......died

The 2nd worm in cigarette smoke .....died

The 3rd worm in chocolate syrup.....died

The 4th worm in good clean soil stayed alive !

So the minister asked his congregation what they learned from this demonstration?

Maxine, in the back of the room, raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms..." 

                         THE SENIOR CITIZEN CHEER

What do we want?...............Better memory !

When do we want it?............. Want what???

*    Sometimes you're the winshield....

     Sometimes you're the bug .   : (

                          CONFUCIOUS DID NOT SAY......

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly...

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent...

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg, will not find nuts...

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion...

Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car, gets exhausted...

Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money...

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left...

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night...

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it...

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there...

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot...

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement...

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs...

Woman who fly upside down have a hairy crack up...

A lion would not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood !!