SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                                   BUCKET LIST

1.  Make vanilla pudding, put it in a mayo jar and eat it in public.

2.  Hire 2 private investigators and get them to follow each other...

3.  Wear a shirt that says "life" and hand out lemons on a street corner.

4.  Get into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you're wondering why I gathered all of you here today."

5.  Buy a parrot and teach it to say, "HELP! I've been turned into a parrot !"

6.  Run into a store and ask what year it is...When someone answers, yell "It worked"!  and run out cheering.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

My friend Bubba was driving down a back road in So. Carolina.....

A sign on a restaurant read:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL, LOBSTER TAIL AND BEER.

"Lordy mercy!" he says to himself....

"Them's my 3 favorites !"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

May there always be work for your hands to do...

May your purse always hold a coin or two...

May the sun always shine on your windowpane...

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you...

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.     

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY TO ALL

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

if you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.

Pinch me on St. Patrick's Day, and the road's gonna rise up to meet your face. 

It's OK to pretend we're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. We pretend we're GOOD on Christmas don't we? 

I actually saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beer, you see all kinds of stuff !  

St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland....

I wonder if I could get him to stop by the office?   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

WILL YOU BE BRINGING NOISEMAKERS TO THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARTY? Or will you be getting a sitter?     

It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.  

I finally figured out why Leprechauns dress so funny.  They're single guys who've never had a wife. 

May the wind at your back not be the result of the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch.

          HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up...

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Oh me boys, someone's got ta tell Paddy's wife . Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short straw. They tell him to be discreet. "Be gentle, but be discreet. Dan't make a bad situation worse."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house, knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares,"You husband just lost $500, and he is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.  

AND A TOP 'O THE MORNIN' TO YE!"

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree...

Discussing things as they are said to be.

Said one to the others, "Now listen you two,

There's a rumor around that can't be true.

"That man descended from our noble race... The very idea is a great disgrace.

"No monkey has ever deserted his wife,

Starved her babies and ruined her life."

"And you've never known a mother monk

To leave her babies with others to bunk...

"Or pass from one to another till they scarcely knew who is their mother."

"Here's another thing a monkey won't do...

"Go out at night and get on a stew.."

"Or use a gun or club or knife...

"To take some other monkey's life."

"Yes, man descended , the ornery cuss...

"But brother, he didn't descend from us!"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

BOB MARLEY'S TOP 10 WAYS YOU CAN TELL IT'S SPRING IN MAINE......

10. Pickup trucks start plunging to the bottom of the ponds.

 9.  Enough snow has melted that you can see the appliances in your back yard.

 8.  You're finally able to wax what's left of your salt-riddled car.

 7.  Football fans think Patriot's Day is in honor of the team.

 6.  Your neighbor takes down her Christmas wreath.

 5.  You take the snowplow off the truck so your daughter looks 'real lady-like' when she picks up her date for the prom.

 4.  Hannaford takes the snow tires off it's grocery carts.

 3.  The oil man comes only once a week.

 2.  Women no longer wear snowmobile boots with their dresses.

 1.  You can finally see the yellow lines on the road and discover that you've been driving on the wrong side all winter.    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up the outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic...And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful  that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:

"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish."  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of the American Presidency...

It's half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!