SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners, "The drink has killed millions....it rots their stomaches and they die in agony.

Smoking has killed millions....... it coats your lungs and you die in agony....

Overeating and consorting with women have also killed millions....."

"S'cuse me Father," hollored Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I promise to take care of you when you're old....

But the first time you hit me with your cane,

I'll wash your dentures in toilet water !  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black", the non-racist version of "Snow White" has been put on hold...

All 7 dwarfs :  Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, HiJack, Liar, Cheater and Fraud have refused to sing "Hi Ho ," as they have no intention of 'Going off to work".    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

May the light always find you on a dreary day......

When you need to be home,

May you find your way...

May you always have courage to take

a chance.....

And never find frogs,

In your underpants  !    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A lady walks into Tiffany's... she looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly breaks wind.

Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed, and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere around.

As she turns her worse nightmare materializes in the form of a salesperson standing right behind her....

He politely greets the lady with "Good day Ma'am..how may I help you today?"

Blushing, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Ma'am if you farted just looking at it, you're going to sh-- when I tell you the price." 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Guy walks out of a restroom....

Girl says, "Sir, your garage door is open"

Guy asks, "Did you see my Harley?"

Girl says....

"No, but I saw a mini bike and two flat tires!"

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

GROANERS.......................

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me...

PMS jokes are funny period...

I'm reading a book on gravity, I can't put it down...

A soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran...

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst...

When chemists die, they baruim...

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it....

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on...     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

May you always be blessed with walls for the wind...

A roof for the rain...

A warm cup of tea by the fire..

Laughter to cheer you..

Those you love near you..

And all that your heart might desire.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MAXINE SAYS:

"You know times are rough, when you run into a Leprechaun at the Cash-for-Gold place."   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A woman had just returned home from an evening church service, when she was startled by an robber. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of her valuables and she shouted... "STOP Acts 2:38 !" (Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven"

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman clamly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man, he asked the burglar.."Why did you just stand there and let an old lady yell a scripture at you?"

"Scripture?.... she said she had an axe and 2 38's!"