SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

More Daffynitions:

DILATE..... To live long

ENEMA.....  Not a friend

FESTER....  Quicker than someone else.

FIBULA.....  A small lie

IMPOTENT.. Distinguished, well known.

LABOR PAIN... Getting hurt at work.

MEDICAL STAFF... A Doctor's cane.

MORBID...  A higher offer

NITRATES... Rates of pay for working at night.

NODE.......... I knew it !

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

MORE Daffys....

OUTPATIENT.......  A person who has fainted.

PELVIS.................  Second cousin to Elvis

POST OPERATIVE. A letter carrier.

RECOVERY ROOM.. Place to do upholstery.

RECTUM.................. Nearly killed 'em.

SECRETION............ Hiding something

Seizure...................  Roman Emperor

Tablet.....................  A small table.

TERMINAL ILLNESS.. Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor........................  One plus one more.

Urine...........................  Opposite of you're out.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway, when he tripped and fell over the bridge and landed in a creek below.

By the time the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.

He was so greatful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The 1st kid said "I want to go to Disney World, and Barack said, No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes." Barack said, "I'll get them for you, and have Michael Jordan sign them."

The 3rd kid said, "I want a motorized wheel chair with a built in TV and stereo headset."

Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look handicapped to me."

The kid said, "No, but I will be when my Dad finds out I saved your sorry a$$ from drowning!"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A young farm couple , Ole and Lena, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'  ....

In the morning , before Ole left the house for the fields, they made love. When Ole came back from the fields, they made love...and again at bedtime, they made love...

The problem was their 'nooner'. It took Ole a half hour to travel home, and another half an hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done. Finally Ole asked the town doctor what to do.

"Ole", said the doctor, "Just take your rifle out to the field with you, and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Lena's signal to come to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

They tried the Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Ole came back to the doctor's office.

"What's wrong?" , asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

"Oh, it vorked real good." said Ole. "Vhenever I vas in da mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Lena, she'd come a-runnin'. Ve'd find a secluded place, make love, and den she'd go back home again."

"Good,Ole.... so what 's the problem?" asked the Doc.

"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around, when she hollored to Pa. "You need to go out and fix the outhouse." Pa replied, "Ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells again, "Yes there is, go fix it !"

Pa goes out and sees nothing wrong, looks around and yells, "There ain't nothin' wrong! Ma says, "Stick your head in the hole."....

Pa yells, "I ain't stickin' my head in that hole !"...

Ma says, "Ya haf ta to see what to fix."...

So Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells, "Ma !  There ain't nothin' wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Okay, now take your head out of the hole..."   Pa proceeds to pull his head out, then starts yelling...  "Ma!  Help! My beard is caught in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it!" 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                         REDNECK LOVE POEM

Susie Lee done fell in love,

She planned to marry Joe.

She was so happy 'bout it all,

She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie gal...

You'll haf to find another..

I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,

But Joe is yo' half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe,

And planned to marry Will.

But after telling Pappy this,

He said , "There's trouble still."

You can't marry Will my gal,

And please don't tell yo' Mother...

But Will and Joe and several mo...

I know is yo half brother.

But Mama knew and said, "My child..

Just do what makes yo happy.

Marry Will, or marry Joe..

You ain't no kin to Pappy!"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A BIG CYBER WELCOME TO ALL OF OUR NEW MEMBERS !     

 Please feel free to share a joke with us. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

80-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Any one who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks for a minute and says, "Close enough."  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                           THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely. "The front row please," she answered.

"You don't really want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you know who I am?" the woman inquired. "No," he said. "I'm the pastor's mother." she replied indignantly. 

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.