SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house, or a politician. And to tell you the truth, there's hardly any difference."

Harry S. Truman

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran !  

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What??"   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                AUTUMN YEARS DATING AGENCY

Receptionist to elderly lady:

"It says here that you'd prefer someone with regular bowl movements.... does it matter if they're involuntary?"   

I'm getting so old, that all my friends in heaven will think I didn't make it.   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A BIG CYBER WELCOME GOES OUT TO BARB AND KATHY...  AKA..

                               2 boomer babes

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

To all of my best friends and relatives who have sent me Best Wishes, chain letters or other promises of good luck, none of that sh-- worked !!

Could you please just send cash,vodka,chocolate, Italian food, wine or airline tickets instead?   

Thank you !

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I get this poem every winter and I love re-reading it. It's a beautiful poem, and very well written....

              A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

                                 D*!X!!

                                 it's cold !

                                 The End

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

            A NEW SIGN FOR YOUR FRONT DOOR

"DUE TO THE PRICE INCREASE ON AMMUNITION, DO NOT EXPECT A WARNING SHOT!

              THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An oldie but a goodie.....

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero, when a young teenage girl got caught in the blizzard.

She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get caught in a snow drift.

This made her feel better, and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.

The driver wanted to know if she was alright as she had been following him for a long time. She said she was fine, and told him of her father's advice.

The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Walmart parking lot, and was going over to Sears.   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

5 GENE SHARPENING RIDDLES FOR YOUR BRAIN:

1.    A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in three years. Which room is safest for him?

ans:      1.  The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

2.   A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

ans:

The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry....