SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to Three little moles. From Gdoljim by GdolJim

Welcome GdolJim !    Keep the jokes coming. A Happy 2013 to you!

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May... you live in Maine.

If someone in the home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't even work there...you live in Maine.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time....you live in Maine.

If you've had a lengthy conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number....you live in Maine.

If you measure distance in hours.....you live in Maine.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once....you live in Maine.

If you have switiched from heat to a/c in the same day, and back again ....you live in Maine.

If you can drive 75 m.p.h. through 2 feet of snow during a blizzard without flinching....you live in Maine.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked....you live in Maine.    

JEFF FOXWORTHY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                         A REDNECK LOVE POEM

Susie Lee done fell in love, she planned to marry Joe...

She was so happy 'bout it all, she told her Pappy so..

Pappy told her "Susie gal, you'll have to find another...

I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know..

But Joe is yo' half brother !"

So Susie put aside her Joe, and planned to marry Will...

But after telling Pappy this, he said "There's trouble still..."

"You can't marry Will, my gal.. and please don't tell yo' mother...

But Will and Joe and several mo I know, is yo' half brother."

But mama knew and said, "My child, just do what makes yo happy...

Marry Will or marry Joe...

You ain't no kin to Pappy ! "     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his car phone rang....

Answering , he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 70. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car...there's hundreds of them!"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day....

Teach a person to use the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks. 

In first grade art class little Kathy has her left fist full of colors and her right hand is moving so fast you can see the crayon dust in the air.  Her teacher  asks her what she is drawing. Kathy pushes the hair back out of her eyes and says " I'm drawing a picture of God "  Her teacher replies, "Honey, nobody knows what God looks like."  Kathy says, " They will in a minute."

In Response to Picture of God by GdolJim

A young couple invited their elderly pastor to their home for Sunday dinner.

While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having..

"Goat", the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster, "I heard Dad say to Mom, "Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner."   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Laughing is the best medicine.....

unless you're laughing for no reason....

then you need the medicine.  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Just got off the phone with a friend living up in Northern Maine. He said that since early this morning the snow was nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping to below zero, and the wind is increasing to gale force. HIs wife has been doing nothing but looking through the kitchen window...just staring...

He says if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                             REDNECK DAFFYNITIONS

ARTERY....   The study of paintings.

BACTERIA.... Back door to cafeteria.

BARIUM........ What doctors do when patients die.

BENIGN......... What you be, after you be eight.

CAESARIAN SECTION... A neighborhood in Rome

CAT SCAN..... Searching for Kitty.

CAUTERIZE... Made eye contact with her.

COLIC............. A sheep dog.

COMA.............. A punctuation mark.