Caregiving

My husband of 45 years died alone with our border collie Sadie by his side on December 4th.  I was out of town to visit a grandson.  I FaceTime my husband the night before.  He wasn’t feeling good.  I convinced him to go to the doctor the next morning.  When I called the next morning he didn’t answer.  The neighbors went to check on him for me and found him passed.  It was totally unexpected.  Possibly an Aneurysm took him at 65 years old!  185lbs, physically fit and had dreams to many to list.  He had yet to collect his pensions.  My two adult sons don’t want me home alone.  I’m not sure I believe he’s gone.  I feel guilty I wasn’t with him when he died and feel guilty I’m getting his pensions that he deserved to spend on his dreams.  Then add on the huge void in my life and my aching heart.  What more can I handle.  I’m so numb and sad. 

*** 1 Comment on the AARP Website. Stop by to read comments & add yours. *** FROM THE ARTICLE - SEE ARTICLE FOR MORE!!! How to Manage Sibling Relationships Strained by Family Caregiving. Experts say the key to handling family discord is for parents to make caregiving wishes and expectations known early. By Christine A. Di Pasquale, AARP. Published November 25, 2024. Sarah Ferguson* had a close relationship with her only sister until their mother’s health declined and her sister became involved with a man who seemed more interested in their mother’s money than in her well-being. “It just got very ugly when he was in the picture and he was trying to, I think, keep [my sister] away from me and my family,” explains Ferguson, 59. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2024/manage-sibling-conflict-relationships.html

⬇️[*** See comments posted below by people who have attended these webinars.

My wife is starting to act strangely? But, first you need some background about her. Back in March of this year she had Colon Cancer surgery, So has a very low tolerance to pain and is very vocal when something is hurting her such as a scream or yells out loudly. She ended up in the hospital for 30 days when they thought she would be out in a normal case in 3 to 5 days. No to present Nov. 2024. She just had right hip replacement surgery and was sent home the same day, I am trying my best as her husband to care for her alone, but now she seems to be very glassy eyed and can't think of words she is trying to say. She is sleeping in a separate bed and she called out for me and she doesn't remember doing it, This was in the middle of the night. Also her Mother had Dementia too. Suggestions are welcomed. Worried Husband 

I just joined AARP today and was looking through the forums I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or not but I am new here and looking forward to getting to know you all.  I am currently in the hospital and have been for nearly 3 months now I cannot wait to get home (hopefully within the next day or two) and get on a tablet that I can use a lot better than this one.   Take care everyone. Dixie 

It has been some time since I shared thoughts as we all go through our grievance journey.  Although it has now been 3 years since my husband died, I still miss him as I continue as a single person (still hard to say the word).  I have been somewhat successful in building new memories and friendships.  I noticed that I have more "better days" now and at times feel more fulfilled and self-confident.  Long journey.  As I have already shared, take your time as you relaunch and take small comfortable steps.  I gradually started to plan and attend social functions with the goal of one a month.  These social events are not too long or ambitious until I see how it goes.  The right company matters, and I am getting good at identifying kindred spirits along the way.  Try new things if you are inclined.  My life has been truly a balance of reflecting, learning and trying some new activities.  My tree last year and some modest decorations set

FROM THE ARTICLE - SEE ARTICLE FOR MORE!!! AARP's New Military Caregiving Guide: Essential Resources for Veteran Caregivers. Navigate challenges and find resources, step-by-step. By Amy Goyer, AARP. Published November 12, 2024. In the 1980s, I cared for my grandfather, C. V. Goyer, a veteran of World War I, World War II and the Korean War, and more than 20 years later, I cared for my dad, Robert Goyer, a WWII and Korean War veteran. Throughout both experiences, I often struggled to find support. When caring for my grandfather, resources were limited. By the time I was caring for my dad, there was more support, especially from the VA, but I spent countless hours navigating his benefits, applying for them and managing them — often an arduous and frustrating process. Since Dad’s passing in 2018, support for veterans and their caregivers has expanded even further. That’s why I felt so passionate about updating AARP’s Military Caregiving Guide for Veterans, Service

 It's been a rough  5 years for me and my husband.  We married late in life, he was a 47 year old bachelor when we married in 2011. Neither of us had children, and we've been happy, well as happy as "normal" married couples. This all started with my mother's sudden death in early May of 2019.  Undiagnosed pancreatic cancer took her in 2.5 weeks once we found out.  The following May, my aunt (mom's only sister) passed followed by my mother-om-law the very next day.  Aunt-bone cancer, MIL-stroke.  Later that year, in December, my sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) passed from sepsis.  April of 2022, My husband's sister passed from kidney transplant failure and strokes.  Last September my father-in-law passed from a gallbladder infection.  That was all very hard to deal with in such a short time, but we thought we were done with all the grief for at least a few years.  This was not to be. On July 18th of this year, my

I know my husband helps me often from Heaven.  I was very dependent on him, but I know he is helping me because I am doing all the things I need to do and handling it all well.  My family and friends are in awe of how well I am managing the day to day things you have to do. As for signs, I was once going to put on a Rod Stewart CD but then remembered it had a scratch on it.  My husband was with me when I bought it years ago - my first CD ever.  But I realized it was damaged, so I put the radio on and on it was playing a Rod Stewart song.  I firmly believe it was a sign.  

I'm so overwhelmed and hoping someone can point me in the right direction. My parents are at the point where they need either in-home care or assisted living options, and while I can certainly research local assisted living options on my own, I have no idea where to even begin to look for other programs or options that could help them. I'm not sure if a home aid is better, and how to find someone who isn't going to take advantage, steal from them, or treat them poorly. In addition to VA benefits, is anyone familiar with any Florida programs that can assist with expenses, anyone that can help me ensure that they will not being taken advantage of when it comes to any contracts they need to sign, and any direction or insight or a step-by-step for how to help them in general? Is there a program that helps explain options to me so that I can explain it to them?

  October 28, 2024 I am a senior, living alone in Philadelphia. I am scheduled for Cataract Surgery at Wills Eye Hospital, on Nov 25. The hospital requires me to have a pickup after surgery. If I don't have anybody to pick me up, the hospital will not allow the surgery!  I need help. I am willing to pay for the service.

As I mentioned, we knew this was coming. Husband has Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease, meaning he has extreme weakness in his limbs and can't stand unassisted. He also has epilepsy, is legally blind and has macular degeneration plus other eye issues. All of this has been ongoing and worsening in the 26 years we've been married. We married late in life -- I was 38, he was 45 -- and lived alone before then. Now I'm facing living alone again, while also worrying about finances, and helping him as best I can from a distance of sorts. One thing in the facility's favor is that it's only about 10 minutes away by bus, so we can see each other fairly frequently and of course we can talk by phone as necessary. My problem is that I am having a very hard time managing by myself. Without having someone else to care for, it's really difficult for me to care about taking care of myself. I am trying to stay fairly positive by saying some costs will go down -- he won't be at home all day so the electri

Does anyone have any information on similar organizations that exist outside the USA?  I'm looking for help for a mother in Spain that refuses to come back to USA.

I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog.  So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can. And find support... here I am.

Lost someone special recentially.

My beautiful daughter Tiana Dye age 21yrs old life was cut too short. She was a Honor student at Alabama State University. She was murdered Sunday 07/14/24. I'm so heartbroken, my world has been turned upside down since I got that call she was gone forever. No parent should have to bury their children. My daughter was sent off to college to come back with a degree not a death certificate. Please Google Tiana Dye Alabama. Share her story, say her name, and pray for our family! We need justice for Tiana! 💔 💔 💔 

Hey everyone!I'm taking the initiative to start a conversation about something we all love and use: the bathtub! Now, I'm not just looking for tips on how to relax with a good book in the tub. I want to dig deeper and learn from your experiences. We all know that sometimes, despite our love for a long, soothing bath, we encounter a few hiccups. So, I'm turning to you, our community of bathers, to share your stories.Bathtub Design Dilemmas: Have you ever struggled with a bathtub that's too small or too awkwardly shaped for a good soak? Let's talk about those design flaws!Water Temperature Woes: We've all been there—adjusting the temperature over and over, only to end up with a lukewarm bath. How have you dealt with finicky faucets or temperature control issues?Slippery Slope: Safety first, right? But what do you do when your bathtub turns into an ice rink after just a few minutes of use? Any tips on how to stay safe without sacrificing comfort?The Drain Game: We've all been there: the w

TO EVERYONE WHO LOST SOMEONE THEY CARED ABOUT - you are in my thoughts today. So sorry for your loss dear friend. Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

I'm in a really tough spot. I'm 24 years old and I'm my dad's caregiver. My mom got diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 19 and I was her caregiver for a year up until she passed away. This really did a number on me mentally since I had to watch my mom deteriorate each day until she passed away. I had to drop out of college at the time, but was happy to do so to take care of my mom.My dad got a heart attack about 1 year after my mom passed away and was just doing awful at the time. I dropped out to work full time to help out. My dad ended up getting a severe second heart attack a couple months later and ended up in the hospital in a coma with most of his organs failing. The doctors thought he wouldn't even make it the night, but thankfully fought through one very tough year in the hospital. I was in a long distance relationship at the time and my boyfriend ended up moving to my state and living with me(we ended up having to move apartments since my rent was insanely high) to help me

We knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I wasn't fully prepared for this. It all started on August 6, when his usual power chair lost power twice, and could only be restarted from the main switch in the back. We'd been having issues with the powerbox for months, but the repair facility has done nothing about fixing it. (That's another story). Meanwhile, we were renting a loaner chair, but it didn't have the raise/lower or tilt functions. On August 12th I tried transferring him from the loaner chair to the toilet, only for his knees to buckle and down we both went. Since I'm not strong enough to lift him, we called the EMT's for a lift assist. Once they came, they suggested he go to the hospital at least until Monday when his Medicaid caseworker could figure out what to do. Because his caseworker and the hospital social worker couldn't coordinate very well, he ended up in the hospital for nearly two weeks. Finally, on Thursday the 24th they said he was ok to go home wit

@SummerOnTheWay1. Nicole, I have missed you. I am so sorry for not replying or posting for quite a while, I've just had a lot going on physically, mentally and emotionally and needed time to process it by myself before sharing. Brady's Social Security FINALLY came through after 18 months. I had a meeting with my case worker and she is sending my appeal for my disability. My daughter gets married in 55 days. I got my mother of the bride dress but haven't tried it on yet. I know it's for a happy occasion but, I am having problems with the fact that my husband is not here to see it. Once I do, I will send pictures. Beasley is fine but still getting into EVERYTHING. I thought my back pain was bad but, I ended up getting a tooth pulled on Tuesday. It was infected and abscessed. It looks like I took a punch from an MMA fighter. The 2nd good news is that my brother and I are back on good terms. We saw each other at the bridal shower and talked. Love to you all and especially to you

Im a caregiver and the the person I’m taking care of is already under hospice care since last year, she’s stable and all her vital signs are good , she’s not in any pain and still have a very good appetite. She contracted aspirated pneumonia and the family decided not to have the water in her lungs removed so the family put her under hospice . The patient is non verbal and has Alzheimer’s so she cannot decide on her own . Family is not providing food except for eggs, yoghurt , milk , oatmeal and once in a while soup . I have to spend my money to buy food for my patient. My patient is not declining, her condition is stable and she’s still strong . I’m worried about my patient because the family told me not to give her maintenance medication anymore , family said the doctor said not to give but I’m wondering why would the doctor tell not to take medication when he hasn’t seen the patient in a long time . I checked online what will happen if my patient stop taking her medication and

Hi everyone, We recently launched a simple and flexible daily check-in service that uses text messages to check-in with a loved one. The loved one has an hour window to check in for the day and we automatically alert their designated care circle of friends/family if a check-in is missed. The weekly schedule and check-in time can be customized to suit your needs. We provide a no hassle two week free trial (no credit card needed) and then the service is $14 per month.  www.checkinbee.com We're always here for any questions or concerns. Thank you,Adam

Hello:My name is Shirley.  I am currently writing a book as I have loss al. of my family of origin. The book is helping me to go through the grieving process. As well, I am remembering how God has helped me through every type loss. So the book talks about resilience and is also a memorial to my family. Please pray for me as I write. And your support will be much appreciated.Shirley

It has been a little over a year since Tom died.  His favorite place in the whole world was Alaska.  I just got back from a cruise to Alaska, one that we had planned, and took some of his ashes for a burial at sea.  On the 19th of September one year to date I put his ashes in the Bay of Alaska.  It was almost not accomplished because of 27 foot waves.  But at 2:00pm the seas calmed and the sun came out so at 4:00pm the exact time of his death one year earlier i put his ashes in the water followed by everyone throwing rose petals into the air.  It was beautiful.  One hour later the rough weather returned and the sun went away.  Now I am back to my real life and still wondering what I am going to do.  Sell the house?  Move to another state?  Lots of questions but no answers.