Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

Forum|Forum|8 years ago
November 6, 2017
601 replies
500481 views

New topic featuring funny stories.

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

‐‐------------------------

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DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

BERNIE IS EVERYWHERE!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Spring forward soon! Daylight Saving Time begins Sunday, March 14, 2021!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

aruzinsky

Conversationalist ⭐⭐

About 40 years ago, I would run for exercise, on residential streets, late at night. One midnight, while I was resting by walking, I saw a man coming out of an alley carrying two large shopping bags with handles. He said, "Mr., can I ask you something?" I was curious to know what was in his bags so I came over. I don't remember what he said to me because I was focused on the bags which were filled with empty half gallon glass bottles. Just as I thought to myself, "Oh, he must be collecting the bottles in the alley for the deposit money,", he said, "Wait! Here comes a car! Here comes a car!". As the car passed, he ran out into the middle of the street and threw a bottle at the back of the car. The bottle fell short and shattered all over the street. He began violently jumping up and down while swearing at the car. I said, "See you." and continued running.

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

That's life...
103 passengers and only 40 meals were loaded on a flight from Bogota to Miami
The crew didn't know what to do
However, the booth boss had an idea. After about 30 minutes of flight, she nervously announced:
- “I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners."
Then she added:
- ′′ Anyone who is gentle and kind-hearted enough to give their food to another person will receive free, unlimited drinks and liquor throughout the flight.

Her next announcement came two hours later:
- “If anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 40 meals available”

Moral:
Drunks have a big heart!!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

One day God was looking down at
earth and saw all of the rascally behavior
that was going on
So He called His angels and sent
one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned,
he told God,'Yes, it is bad on earth;
95% are misbehaving and only
5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said,
'Maybe I had better send down a second
angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent
her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned she went to
God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth
is in decline; 95% are misbehaving,
but 5% are being good...'

God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5%
who were good, because he wanted to
encourage them, and give them a little
something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering,
because I didn't get one either.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

WebWiseWoman

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Thank you, Dave! Just the uplifting story we needed! (As you usually do!)

#StaySafe

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Did you know?

The closest geographic point between the borders of the United States and Russia lies in the Bering Strait located in the Pacific Ocean. In the middle of the Bering Strait, there lies two small islands known as Big Diomede and Little Diomede. Interestingly enough, Big Diomede is owned by Russia while Little Diomede is owned by the United States. At their closest point, the two islands are only 2.4 miles apart. While these two islands are seperated by just 2.4 miles, they are 21 hours apart due to their placement around the international timeline.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper