Funny Stories and Life Experiences

About 40 years ago, I would run for exercise, on residential streets, late at night.  One midnight, while I was resting by walking, I saw a man coming out of an alley carrying two large shopping bags with handles.  He said, "Mr., can I ask you something?"  I was curious to know what was in his bags so I came over.  I don't remember what he said to me because I was focused on the bags which were filled with empty half gallon glass bottles.  Just as I thought to myself, "Oh, he must be collecting the bottles in the alley for the deposit money,", he said, "Wait!  Here comes a car!  Here comes a car!".  As the car passed, he ran out into the middle of the street and threw a bottle at the back of the car.  The bottle fell short and shattered all over the street.  He began violently jumping up and down while swearing at the car.  I said, "See you." and continued running.  

Spring forward soon! Daylight Saving Time begins Sunday, March 14, 2021!

BERNIE IS EVERYWHERE!

New York City Holiday Season During The Year Of Covid-19

Link: https://www.cbs.com/shows/cbs_this_morning/video/CwuG01fjQuLQ6pt_BkAXU0JOeacSPU1j/anthony-mason-explores-new-york-city-holiday-festivities-in-the-time-of-covid-19/

I grew up in a small town of 9500 in central Wisconsin. This is all such great memories.

SMALL TOWNS

Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this. Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it really is.

1) You can name everyone you graduated with.

2) You know what 4-H means.

3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)

4) You used to 'drag' Main.

5) You whispered the 'F' word and your parents knew within the hour.

6) You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers, you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.

7) You could never buy beer because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell l your parents anyhow.) Besides, where would you get the money?

😎When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy beer, you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to drink it.

9) You knew which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.

10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.

11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

12) You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson 's, and it's four houses left of the track field.

13) The golf course had only 9 holes.

14) You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

15) Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

16) The town next to you was considered 'trashy' or 'snooty,' but was actually just like your town.

17) You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1955 as the 'rich' people.

18) The people in the 'big city' dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.

19) Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the dairy bar.

20) You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.

21) The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

22) Directions were given using THE stop light as a reference.

23) When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.

24) Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.

25) Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.

26) You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.

27) There was no McDonalds.

28) The closest mall was over an hour away.

29) It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.

30) You've pee'd in a cornfield.

31) Most people went by a nickname.

32) You laughed your butt off reading this because you know it is true, and you forward it to everyone who may have lived in a small town.

I would not have wanted to have been raised any other way!!!!

I stole this and laughed til I cried.. 16 would be me 😎

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Which one is YOUR favorite?