SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

A Bear

I want to be a bear......

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...... I want to be a bear!

Choking

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.

"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"

Real Signs and Advertisements

- Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

- In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

- In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

- On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

- From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

- On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

- On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz

GOLFER'S REVENGE...

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it, a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says Private Property....stay out !

The golfer says, "I am sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there, may I have it?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."

He then walks back to the golf cart, gets a ball and walks back and throws it into the yard.

The man says, "What is that for?

The golfer replies, "I'm a gentleman. Every prick should have two balls."      

In Response to 3 Therapy Appointments Weekly for the Lady by Hal

There are three stages of sex in a man's life:

Tri weekly

Try weekly

and Try weakly.   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

  Bonnie a good one-  lol

 3 stages of sex in a man's life 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz

 dustbusterz    

Real Signs and Advertisements

I think I agree-   lol 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

thanks, so happy you liked it  🙂

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

There are three stages of sex in a man's life:

Like that 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

THOUGHTS: ADULT VERSION

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small...

Impotence: Nature's way of saying.."No hard feelings."

You birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives.