SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Mirror, mirror on the wall..

You're not playing fair at all !

I'm really now upset with you..

For giving me your distorted view!

You show my hair is turning gray...

It's just the way the shadows play.

I know that you're not hanging straight..

To make me look so over weight.

The way you show my double chin...

Is just the way the light comes in.

I think I'm fine, but you're unwise..

To put such accent on my thighs.

I wish you'd try to be my friend...

And tell me I'm a little thin.

Just tell me I look good in jeans...

And frilly shirts and pretty things.

Please don't let the wrinkles show...

I'd like to have a pretty glow.

I see you won't respond at all...

So I'll just tear you off the wall ! 

                                           THE MOST WASTED OF ALL

                                           DAYS, IS ONE WITHOUT

                                           LAUGHTER.

e.e.Cummings

For those who haven't heard, Colorado just passed both laws... gay

marriage, and legalized marijuana.

The face that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the

same day, makes perfect biblical sense. Because Leviticus 20:13 says,

"If a man lies with another man, they should be stoned."

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before. 

A man and his wife moved back home to Minn. from Ariz. The wife had a wooden leg, and to insure it in Ariz. would have cost $2,000.

They checked into insurance in Minn. and were told it would be $39.!!

The husband asked the agent why it was so cheap??

The agent turned to his PC screen and said," Well, here it is on the screen direct from the company...............

"Any wooden structure with a sprinkler system over it, costs $39. "

Mhmm… sound logic… *eye roll*

        A BIG CYBER WELCOME TO OUR NEWEST MEMBER:

                                                      bk5835

          May many smiles greet you each day !   

                           BUMPER STICKERS

       RETIREMENT PLANNING AND CONSULTANTS

                FISHERMAN AND DOOLITTLE

I'M RETIRED....I WAS TIRED YESTERDAY, I'M TIRED AGAIN TODAY.

                        GOODBYE TENSION

                        HELLO PENSION

I'VE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CRS.....

CAN'T REMEMBER SH--.

                       SUPPORT BINGO

            KEEP GRANDMA OFF THE STREETS

Remember the old-time Jewish comedians of Vaudeville days?

Here's a couple of oldies from Henny Youngman:

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says,"Are you comfortable?

The man says, "I make a good living."

"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport."

Someone stole all of my credit cards., but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands...If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a water bed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!

We love that this hangs above someone’s sink! Remember to always brush all of your teeth.

A HEARTY CYBER WELCOME TO:

                 sm8512

THANKS FOR POSTING !!

My hubby asked me to get him a newspaper...

I said, "Don't be silly, use my tablet."

That spider never knew what hit it !