SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 What's with the Smiley FaceJ lol 

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Did you hear about the man who used to go to school with his dog? Then they were separated... His dog graduated!

My horses' jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says, "Why are you hitting me. there's nobody behind us!" 

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Henny Youngman jokes

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A precious little girl walks into a Pet Smart store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mither, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melted, he gets down on his knees so to be at her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and furry bwack wabbit, or perhaps that cute widdle brown wabbit over there?"

She in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, crosses her little arms, leans forward and says in a quiet voice........

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit!!"  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker...

"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.

"$100." she replies.

In broken English he says," Do you do immigrant style?"

"No".  she says.

"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style/"

"No", she says , not knowing just what immigrant style is.

"I pay you $300."

"No",  she says.

"I pay you $400."

"No" , she says...

So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1000 to do immigrant style."

She thinks....... "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?"

So she agrees . Finally, after several hours, they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,

"Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

The illegal immigrant replies:  "You send bill to Government."        

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

So a guy goes to a urologist  for a prostate exam.. he was a bit on edge because many of his friends had either gone under the knife or had those little pellets implanted..

The waiting room was full of patients as he approached the desk. He noticed the receptionist was a large, unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a loud voice she said, "Yes, I have your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"...

All the patients in the room snapped their heads around to look at him, a now very embarrassed man..

But, as usual, he answered quickly and in an equally loud voice replied,   "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change question, but I don't want the same doctor that did yours !"

The room exploded in applause.

Don't mess with old retired guys!    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with ladders hanging on off the sides, and a hose coiled in the middle.

The girl had a fire fighter's helmet on and the wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look and said, "That sure is a nice fire truck you have there,"  he said. "Thanks," the girl replied.

Then he noticed a rope was tied to the dog's collar and the cat's testicles! He said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie the rope to the cat's collar, I think it would go faster."  The little girl replied , "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

''I don't think my python weally gives a thit"lol   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Ole was walking home late one night through the park, and he sees a woman in the shadows. "$20," she whispers.....

He'd never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only $20.

So they hide in the bushes. All of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.

"What's going on here?" he asks.

"I'm making love to me wife," Ole answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Vell," says Ole, "I dint either til you shined that damn light in her face."!     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC1

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT WHEN:

10.   You get winded from knocking on the door..  

 9.    You have another kid chew the candy for you.   

 8.    You ask for high fiber candy. 

 7.     When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 

 6.    People say:   "Great Boris Karloff mask," and you're not wearing a mask.....

 5.    When the door opens you yell, "Trick or.. and you can't remember the rest.   

 4.    By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders....

 3.    You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 

 2.    You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.   

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick or Treating...

 1.    You have to keep going home to pee!

          HAPPY HALLOWEEN

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT WHEN: