SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

[BonnieC10]

 Joke deleted

[BonnieC10]

I CAN RISE AND SHINE...

BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME.

TIME FOR A SNOW TIRE RECAll...

I CAN'T RECALL WHERE I PUT THEM.

[BonnieC10]

They hold elections in November because it's the best time for picking out a turkey.

[BonnieC10]

Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito

out of a swarm.

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

                                  WENT SOUTH

                            REASON...........FREEZIN'

[BonnieC10]

I was down to my undies in the voting booth before I realized it wasn't a dressing room !

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

Even if you've seen this before, the meaning holds true !

It is the VETERAN not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN not the lawyer

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN not the politician

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the VETERAN

Who salutes the Flag.

It is the VETERAN

Who serves under the flag !

VETERANS KNOW THAT THE OATH OF ALLEGIANCE HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE.

[BonnieC10]

A wise old Indian Chief once said......  "Only the white man would think they could cut the end off a blanket, attach it to the other end, and make a longer blanket."

Set your clocks back an hour, as Daylight Savings begins.

[BonnieC10]

Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito out of a swarm.

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the teams' bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it." she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents" !

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?

"Well... " she said, " I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarterback ! Get the quarterback "!   Hel-lllo.... it's only 25 cents !  I hate to think what they would do if it was a whole DOLLAR! "

[BonnieC10]

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. A child may see his parents age 20 years.

On the Lighter Side

[BonnieC10]

Two monsters went to a Halloween party.  Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"

The other monster replied....   "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

[BonnieC10]

GO GREEN...

RECYCLE CONGRESS !

[BonnieC10]

Ah... this is great sleeping weather.

Of course, at my age what isn't ?

[BonnieC10]

By pumpkins fat,

And Witches lean...

By black cool cats,

With eyes of green.

By all the happiness ever dreamed,

I wish you all a safe Halloween !

[BonnieC10]

One fine day, in the middle of the night...

Two dead boys got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

Got up and shot the two dead boys.

If you don't believe this story's true...

Ask my blind Uncle, he saw it too !

[BonnieC10]

People say. "Great Boris Karloff mask", and you're not wearing a mask.

When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.

You ask for high fiber candy only.

[BonnieC10]

You know you're too old to Trick or Treat when you get winded from knocking on the door.

[BonnieC10]

Smith climbs to the top of MT. Sinai to be close to God.

He says, "God, what does 100 years mean to you?"

God replies, "A minute."

[BonnieC10]

The recession hit everyone really hard....

My cousin had an exorcism, but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her !

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card.

[BonnieC10]

I just noticed some frost on my pumpkins....

Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.

maxine

[BonnieC10]

Child:

"Mommie, what is a Canadian?"

Mum:

"It's an unarmed North American  with health care."

[BonnieC10]

"Fall is a tough season for weather forecasters..

It's too cool to scare us with the heat index, and too warm to scare us with the wind chill."

[BonnieC10]

"Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike."

"Since when is Mike your best friend??"

"Since yesterday."

[BonnieC10]

Q.       Why don't Jewish mothers drink?

A.        The alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q. Why do Jewish mother's make great parole officers?

A.  They never let anyone finish a sentence.

[BonnieC10]

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days !"

"Force yourself !" she replied.

[BonnieC10]

LADIES....... it's October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   Make your appointment today for your mammogram.

[BonnieC10]

Old age is not as bad as I thought..

It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.

[BonnieC10]

                          GOOD RIDDANCE MARIA !

[BonnieC10]

You can tell alot about a woman's mood just by her hands.

If she's holding a gun, she's probably unhappy.

[BonnieC10]

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all of the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.