🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

[BillH490171]

Good morning and hope everyone is enjoying this day.  Here in southwest VA, the leaves have turned and are falling like crazy.  I'll be out some raking and moving them around some.  

As we move into the holiday season, this will be the first one without my spouse for myself and my kids.  I've read some ideas on how to deal with this "first" in the year of firsts.  I plan to be away from my house, busy as I can be, and then celebrate Thanksgiving with 3 of my 4 kids on Friday.

Anyone have any tips that worked for you in getting through the holidays?

Take care, Bill 

[MarcyW882921]

Bill @BillH490171,

Last year was my first batch of holidays without my husband. In recent years I have always cooked dinner and often invited friends who were alone or packed up food to take to them. Last year I invited a couple who were friends of ours and were going to spend Thanksgiving alone. The male in the couple was sick that day and couldn't come to dinner so it ended up being just me and his significant other. It actually was a very nice dinner. A year later and now that man has passed away too and it is going to be us two women once again. My strategy was to keep things as close to my normal routine as possible because that is where my comfort lies. This grief thing is all individual and you just have to find things that work for you.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Wednesday 11/8/23)

I am Walmart but had to say THANKS for the pictures 💙🐕🐶 Kim @KimberlyM389662 !!! 💃💃💃

Lol, finally HE IS AWAKE 😂🤣

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

📸  Mom Kim has attached 2 pictures of Our Boy  📸

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✏@KimberlyM389662 wrote:

Nicole, I am sorry that I haven't posted anything in a while. I have just been dealing with everything and trying to not drown in. It's been building and building up and I just some days feel like I am barely holding my breath and head above the waves. It's just one after another. I am trying my best to make sure my son has everything and everyone he needs. I have some really great friends and neighbors that are supportive and helpful. On a positive note, I have attached 2 new pictures of our mascot taken this morning. I took him to PetSmart with me last week. We put him on a scale and at 5 months he weighed 39.2 pounds. I hope these pictures cheer all of us up at least a little bit today because let's face it, if there is nothing else that can make you smile it's a puppy face. I just ask if everyone could just send some prayers my way and when I am ready I will privately message you about everything that's been going on. Here's our beautiful boy. 

✏

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[mc6844]

 looks very cute!

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Wednesday 11/8/23)

🚗🚘  My Out Of Food Walmart Run TODAY!

See you later....

[KimberlyM389662]

Nicole, I am sorry that I haven't posted anything in a while. I have just been dealing with everything and trying to not drown in. It's been building and building up and I just some days feel like I am barely holding my breath and head above the waves. It's just one after another. I am trying my best to make sure my son has everything and everyone he needs. I have some really great friends and neighbors that are supportive and helpful. On a positive note, I have attached 2 new pictures of our mascot taken this morning. I took him to PetSmart with me last week. We put him on a scale and at 5 months he weighed 39.2 pounds. I hope these pictures cheer all of us up at least a little bit today because let's face it, if there is nothing else that can make you smile it's a puppy face. I just ask if everyone could just send some prayers my way and when I am ready I will privately message you about everything that's been going on. Here's our beautiful boy. 

2.5 MB of 2.5 MB

[mc6844]

Thank you for posting Kimberly. He definitely is a beautiful pup! Glad he's with you and hope you get to feeling better.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Tuesday11/7/23)

⏰  WITH TIME...

Living "humans" come into our lives for a SEASON AND A REASON.

Some STAY, some LEAVE.

Just KNOW, that ONE DAY/NIGHT we will UNDERSTAND why.

Took me a YEAR to figure this out. Spent way TOO MUCH time TRYING to "hang onto" humans who needed to EXIT my life!

Their EXIT was because THEIR season/reason had EXPIRED or they were NO LONGER/HAVE NEVER been "destined" to be in your life.

It is a FREEING feeling once we realize this and it ALSO "encourages" us to IMPROVE upon our "relationships" - old, new and potential.

So get out there. Be BRAVE. YOU can do it!!!! 😎

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT,

Reading your post about living humans in your life reminded me of a chapter in a book I am reading. The book is Build the Life You Want by Arthur C. Brooks & Oprah Winfrey. There is a chapter about friends and they are described in two categories "real and deal." Your real friends are those close friends that you confide in and the relationship endures and the deal friends are ones that serve a purpose in your life (or maybe you serve a purpose in their life) for a period of time and then it ends.

You described the process well. Identify who these people are and how they fit into your life. If their purpose or your purpose is over, it is ok to let go. If however they are someone that you respect, admire, confide in, trust, etc., invest the time and energy to maintain that relationship over time.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[tttttt]

I’m so lonely without Ron. It hurts my heart.

I leave our place to run an errand and then come home to Ron not being there. When does it stop hurting. I can’t imagine it will.thank God for our 2 fur babies.they comfort me and sleep with me.

[mc6844]

Im so sorry your missing your Ron. Holiday season can make the missing more intense. I try to keep things simple. Knowing that going through loss isn't easy. But with loss there's also growth.For your Ron where he is. And where you are. Have you looked at the Signs From Loved Ones topic on the forum? I believe our deceased loved ones are closer than we think. More will be revealed as we travel this journey. Take care, and look for the ways Ron speaks to your heart.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[MarcyW882921]

Things that have helped me include: family, friends, singing in a chorus, being out in nature, reading, attending a bereavement group,  interacting with people on the Grief & Loss forum, volunteering in the community, and reigniting my spirituality (not in a hierarchical order.)

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Sunday 11/5/23)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , you have YOUR HOUR back!!! 💃

And I have my TISSUES ready for when SUNSET is at 5pm EST tonight. 😭

I hope EVERYONE got some "rest" LAST NIGHT....

I did and GRATEFUL! 😎

Hey, about time after ALL THOSE NIGHTS lately of NO REST. Feeling NORMAL, well - whatever normal is these days. But let's say - feeling SANE. 👍 I do not function at all with NO SLEEP!

Find YOUR peace TODAY...

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT ,

Woo hoo! I'm glad to have my hour back and was feeling grateful to wake up and have light outside.

Thinking of you and hoping you are getting your daughter fix today.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Sunday 11/5/23)

I AM THINKING OF YOU TODAY! 💙💙💙

MC @mc6844 

[mc6844]

Thank you Nicole! Have a good day.

[mc6844]

Thank you Nicole. Wishing you well, and all on the site well, too!

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[KimberlyM389662]

Extreme anger is my challenge. I am very angry that he left his children. Our daughter is getting married next year and our son is adult profoundly autistic. I either want to throw and break things or scream until I can't speak anymore. I'm not sure that anyone knows that I have a physical mental health illness. There is something wrong with my amygdala. The amygdala is a paired structure (the two are considered one brain area) inside your temporal lobe. It's a key part of emotional control and processes. It also plays a role in memory and learning. Either way I go from panic attacks to extreme crying fits which also causes me to panic. I just don't know what I want to do anymore except stay away from people but then again I feel these walls are closing in on me. I am also angry because I want to be able to do normal things around the house and can't because of my back and complications. I'm afraid they are going to operate again and then who is going to take care of my son. My daughter has her own life and already has more than enough on her plate and my Mom is starting to lose her memory. 

[JaneCares]

Hi Kimberly. You do have so much going on. Your husband passed on in January, 2023, right? From your posts, it sounds like you live in Maryland, and you have a therapist. Also, i can just imagine how many appointments you have for medical providers for you and your son. All of this is a very heavy burden, and it sounds like the strain of that burden expresses itself in anger. Very understandable! 

I hope for you the following:

* that you have friends, other family, a faith community, and / or other connections with other people who help you and help you to know you are not alone in all this

* that your husband left you some life insurance or some other assets to help support you and your son

* that perhaps you know of a system of care for your son; my guess is you are an expert in programs and resources for young men like your son. And even though these resources are inadequate, you can 'work the system' on his behalf so that he gets the care he needs, and that you are not alone in caring for him. Because as you know better than anyone, you will not be around him forever. 

* that your therapist and you are working on a plan to help you take care of yourself AND your son in a way that is compassionate, practical, do-able. 

* and that at least part of what you talk about with your therapist is the chronic stress that is feeding your rage.

You do not have to be alone in all of this. You post in this group. You have a therapist. You are old enough to have lots of wisdom and stories of survivorship. You've met challenges before. This is not your first rodeo.

What are the next one or two steps you can take toward your goals? Despite the broken body and the exhaustion, you have a right to dream and hope. What can you move toward? You are extraordinary. What next?

With respect and in appreciate for all you are, in anticipation for all that lies ahead,

Jane

[mc6844]

Kimberly I'm so glad you stopped by to share where you're at. If you don't feel up to people right now, there are many sources of online support. In what area do you feel most vulnerable at present? Emotional, physical etc? You could check out online support within these topics. Knowledge is power. 

Do you have a neighbor or near relative who can lend a hand? If not the Visiting Nurses are a wonderful group. Don't know about cost these days, or if insurance covers. Whatever you choose to do, reaching out as you are now can relieve your stress. And I'm so sorry you're going through so much. Keep checking in to the forum. Good things are on the way I'm sure!

[KimberlyM389662]

@mc6844 . I have the best support system.  My Mom and my best friend of 50 years.  I have 4 different appointments each month and, 1 is my therapist every 2 weeks. I am trying to focus on me and doing things that I put off. A physical with my PCP and GYN as well as a eye exam. I need to be here for my kids.  I am also going to have a second opinion with another neurological specialist (spine) just because I think that I need to. I called my surgeon about my increased pain and frequent falls and,  his response was to call my PCP. My PRIMARY CARE didn't dy my SURGERY, he did. It was 2 years ago on believe it or not April Fools Day. I have now been in pain for 3 years.  My fall was December 28, 2020. It's time for someone else who will listen and tell me what needs to be done.  I know that I am always going to have some pain,  I mean I broke multiple vertebrae and 2 titanium rods and 9 screws but,  I should not be in pain and agony every day for the rest of my life.  

[MarcyW882921]

Kimberly @KimberlyM389662 ,

It sounds like you have an extraordinary amount of stress on top of physical and emotional issues. I'm hoping that you are connected with some professionals with expertise in your areas of need. If not maybe you could get appropriate referrals by calling 211?

Thinking of you.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Friday 11/3/23)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 💙

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT ,

Is this a name change? You must be trying to keep me on my toes! LOL

Wishing you a restful night.

🤗

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Friday 11/3/23)

You are welcome dear Jonibee @jonibee !!! Lol, I can be a PEST when it comes to checking on folks 🤣😂 So TRYING to pester less! 🙄

Gosh, I am SO READY for your fingers to get better. 😤

And NEXT WEEK, you will be in my thoughts and prayers dear friend. 🙏

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

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✏@jonibee wrote:

Just checking in to say hello...I have to return to the Ortho doctor for a cortisone shot next week as my fingers are still numb feeling. Next week will be the one year anniversay of my husband' passing...My daughters and I will visit a restaurant in his memory as he use to like to go out to eat periodiaclly and enjoyed doing so along with family..So in his honor we shall share a meal together...Life goes on as it well should but it is a bitter sweet time for me with out him here...Thank You for thinking of me...jonibee✏

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[MarcyW882921]

Jonibee @jonibee ,

Since I can cross my fingers, I will do that with hope that you will find some relief at the Ortho doctor for your fingers next week. I'm glad you have plans with family for getting through your one year anniversary. Sending thoughts for healing and strength as you go through the week.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!