SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

I use to go to a neighborhood pub for a light supper and a drink some times. The owners were two brother, one that teased me all the time about being a nurse. Saying how he hated them and they were not good for anything except bedpans and  giving baths. I would say back to him "ok Joe, some day you are going to need a good nurse." One night I repeated that  to him as I was leaving to get some sleep because I was on duty at 7am.

After I left, Joe who was doing the cooking has a large vat of cooking oil catch fire. not quite sure what to do , he picked up the vat and walk out the door into the very cold winter air to toss it out. The cold air rushed in and blew the flame right onto his chest and lower face. The EMTs took him to the only burn unit in the area, He was admitted and stabilized and put into the burn unit under isolation. I went on duty at 7am in the same burn unit , got my report and noted that I was to tub and remove dead skin on the new admitted patient. I almost dropped my charts when I saw my first patient's name.

I gowned, and mask before entering the tub room and got my setup of equipment to do this very unhappy job. Joe was dosing under the morphine shot his nurse gave him and did not really look at me. His nurse has explained what we were going to do to him in that big tub and I guess he really did not care he was in such pain. I leaned over him to start on the lower neck and chest area to remove the loose burned skin and He looked at me ( All he could see were my eyes over the mask and under my cap). I smiled and said "now Joe what was that you said last night about hating nurses" As I carefully cut and pulled on the old dead skin so the new skin grafts could be placed later. Be careful what you say, you never know when it will come back and bite you in the rump Now Joe  is my new best friend.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by libbyboi

Libby....  What a great story..thanks for sharing it with us. Have a nice day.     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase "You Gotta Be Shittin Me?"

George Washington was crossing the Delaware with his troops. There were 33 men in his boat. It was extremely dark and stormy and the water was tossing them about.

Washington grabbed Corp.Peters and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to swing it back and forth so they could see where they were headed.

A big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corp, Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find him, but to no avail.

Sometime later they landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.  Washington rallied the troops and told them they must go on. Just then one of the troops said, "General, I see lights ahead. They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know was this was a house of ill repute.

Gen. Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.

Washington was the first to speak," Ma'am I am Gen. Geo.Washington, and these are my men. We are wet, exhausted and desperately in need of warmth and comfort."

With a broad smile on her face, she said, "Well, General, how many men do you have?"

Washington replied, "Well, there are 32 of us without Peters."

And the Nadam said....."You Gotta Be Shittin' Me!"     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

"Why, that's amazing!" said the doctor.
"Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I tau't I were going to drop on dat 3rd day."

"From the hunger you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from the f**kin' skippin'"       

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

TIME CHANGE :    SET YOUR CLOCK AHEAD ONE HOUR

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini.... each time removing the olives and placing them into a jar.

When the jar was full, and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer.

"What was that all about?"

"Oh nothin;" said the Irishman.

"Me wife sent me out for a jar of olives."   

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K . Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was homesick already...

"No," replied the Irishman, "I've lost all me luggage."

"How'd that happen?" asked the employee.

"The cork fell out.!" said the Irishman.    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                       IRISH BIRTH CONTROL

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Donnell street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye !'.. Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Father."

The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." Then they parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"

She replied, "Oh, very well, Father! We now have three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving hoosband doing?"

She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!"     

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

  IRISH DIPLOMACY:

The art of telling a man to go to hell

so that he looks forward to making the trip.  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon." Arching his eye brows, the Irishman then replies, "Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and winter Solstices.

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.!"

The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says...

"Irish were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars." And so on, until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!"

The Irishman replies, "Indeed, that is true, but it was the Irish who introduced it to women."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

"May your troubles be less..

 your Blessings be more...

And nothing but  tall, dark, handsome men

come through your door.....