SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

A student is looking for a place to sit in a crowded University Library. He asked a girl sitting alone, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice, "I don't want to spend the night with you !"

All the students in the library started starring at the guy. He was truly embarressed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked over and said with a laugh,"I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed right?"

The guy responded in a loud voice, " $500 for one night? That' s too much!  "

All the people looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ear,I study law, and I know how to screw people " ☺

The secret of a good sermon, is to have a good  beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

George Burns

I have never dated a man enough to give his diamonds back."

Zsa Zsa Gabor

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

A WARM CYBER WELCOME TO OUR NEWEST MEMBERS:

CHUCKWARN

ANGELSHEART61

LUCYGMCMENAMY

I was in Bullhead City AZ. the other day and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read...

I miss Detroit . 

So, I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two tires , added a Obama sticker, and left a note that read....

I hope this helps...  ☺

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you."

Winston Churchill

"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out."

Phyllis Diller

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."

Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet:

"If it tastes good, spit it out !"     : (

Just at the moment when the dentist was leaning over the patient to start on her teeth, he was startled.

"Excuse me Miss, those are my testicles you are holding!"

" I know,"  she answered sweetly." And we're not going to hurt each other, are we?"  ☺

A lady was helping her hubby install a new PC. Once completed, she told him to pick a password. Selecting one word that he would always remember. When the PC asked him to enter it, he looked at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink of his eye, he selected..............Mypenis..... as he hit 'enter' to valedate the selection, his wife collapsed with laughter and rolled on the floor in hysteria.

The PC replied,.......... Too short, access denied.       : )

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi were on the same  stage at Yankee Stadium in front of a hugh crowd.

The Pope leans towards Ms. Pelosi and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand , I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?"

"I seriously doubt that" replied Ms. Pelosi. "Show me."

So, the Pope backhanded the Bit--!

"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your age.....as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight! "

Phyllis Diller 

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband , feeling rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.......

"Do you have a dentst appointment tomorrow too?"