Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

July 21, 2024 marks National Ice Cream Day, and many places are offering freebies and deals to celebrate the day. The day is actually a federally-recognized day, being formally recognized by then-President Ronald Reagan in 1984.

Wisconsin's favorite ice cream flavor shouldn't surprise you. What is your favorite flavor? Mine is mint chocolate chip!

MADISON, Wis. -- In honor of National Ice Cream Day, a new Google search analysis by Affordable Seating on Tuesday revealed the most popular ice cream flavors in Wisconsin.

Affordable Seating representative Ross Williams said five Google search variations were used to find Wisconsinites' favorite flavors, including "[flavor] ice cream," "[flavor] ice cream near me," and "[flavor] ice cream recipe." The top five favorite flavors were ranked from highest to lowest monthly search volume. Wisconsin's winning flavor, in true Midwestern fashion, was Blue Moon.

Following Blue Moon, Affordable Seating said Wisconsin's other favorite flavors included Superman (#2), Neapolitan (#3), Vanilla (#4), and Spumoni (#5). Blue Moon won the state by a landslide, beating out Superman by over 1,000 more Google searches.

Affordable Seating data shows the rest of the U.S. may not follow Wisconsin's Blue Moon hype. Nationally, Blue Moon ranks 11th on the list, beaten out by more classic flavors like vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.

STINGY OLD LAWYER

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.

His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”

EXERCISES FOR SENIORS

You know how important exercise is, as we grow older. Here are a few suggestions. I start by standing outside behind the house and, with a five-pound potato sack in each hand, extend my arms straight out to my sides and hold them there as long as I can.

After a few weeks, I moved up to 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks and finally I got to where I could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Next, I started putting a few potatoes IN the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level.

1. You may have heard about what happened to the little boy in the middle of this picture.
   He cuts grass to make extra money.
   He calls his company Mr. Reggie’s Lawn Service.
   Recently a woman hired him to cut her grass.
   And the woman next door called police on him.
   The reason:
   Because he accidentally cut some of her grass.
   (The lines between the two yards weren't clear)
   I know.. it’s ridiculous.
   But this is a story about what happened next.
   And I promise it will put a smile on your face.
   Joe Revay (on the left) saw the story and was so "pissed" that he decided to do something for Reggie.
   This is what his wife posted:
   I'm not much of a 'bragger' but I'm going to brag! Lol.
   My husband is one of the most sweetest, kindest, selfless and humble men I've ever known.
   A little boy on the news in Maple Heights was mowing lawns and had the police called on him for, "mowing a piece of the neighbors lawn", smh.
   We were so pissed.
   Here's a 12 year old (and his siblings) trying to make some money and keep busy, so my husband decided to step in.
   You don't discourage kids or anyone doing the right thing!!
   Especially in todays world.
   My husband, owning a landscaping business decided to reach out to his mother and help him out with some equipment (a blower, etc) to make it easier for him to do these lawns.
   What I wonderful young man and family!
   God bless them!!
   And I'm so blessed to call this man my husband!! 💙
   Be kind and always spread love!
   --Shawn Revay
   As one person wrote afterward:
   “That’s how u make America Great.”
   Yup.
   I couldn’t agree more.

Credit to the respective owner

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@DaveMcK wrote:

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

--------------------------

---

@DaveMcK wrote:

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

‐----------------------

 

---

@DaveMcK wrote:

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

Thank you, Don, for asking me to reply to your humorous question.

Shall I inform you of the time I stuck a TV dinner in that newfangled contraption called a microwave? You do realize they used to package these TV dinners in aluminum trays. Right?

Should I write about the time I placed the tea kettle on the stove, so I could make a cup of coffee, then promptly forgot the kettle was on the stove? The Fire Department helped me peel my copper-bottomed kettle off the burner. Why do you think they invented Smoke Alarms?

How about the time I conquered my preadolescent fears and succeeded in accomplishing a fine dive off our high school three-meter board? I broke the surface of the water quite proud of myself, only to discover my swimming trunks floating about ten feet away from me.

What about the time I wanted to make a toasted peanut butter sandwich and needed to buy a new toaster…to go along with my new microwave, and my new tea kettle?…And my new smoke alarm.

I never received any instructions to accompany Mom’s newest addition to my athletic wardrobe, quaintly known as the Jock Strap. I was an incoming high school freshman, suiting up for my very first class in Physical Education. Allow me the opportunity to assure Freshman boys Athletic Supporters are not worn on the head. At least that’s what my angry coach told me. (I’m still not too sure if he was angry at my stupidity, or at the student who told me Jock Straps are worn like a hat.)

Then, there was the time I buried a penny about an inch deep in well-cultivated soil. For weeks, I faithfully watered and weeded, hoping against hope. Dad taught me a valuable lesson.

“Jimmy? There is no such thing as a Money Tree!”

Then, there was the time when another young man introduced me to Chewing Tobacco. I chewed it. I swallowed it, and promptly vomited all over the asphalt. It was then that I learned Chewing Tobacco is not a Dark Green Leafy Vegetable.

How about the time Brian and I decided to “dig to China”, uncovered our septic tank, and promptly fell in? We could have sworn we heard people chattering in Chinese. Not only did we have take a bath, Mom had to disinfect our bathtub when we were done…and it wasn’t even Saturday night, yet.

I’m sorry, my friend. I just can’t seem to think of anything funny that ever happened to me. I guess my sense of humor became dampened in this rainstorm we’re receiving.

I guess it’s true, what people are saying. There are three kinds of people in this world.

There are people who make things happen.

There are people who sit back and watch things happen.

And there are a few of us few poor souls who scratch our heads and wonder just what in the Hell happened?

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, my friend.

I have eaten everything on this list at some point in my life. Yes I like somethings more than others.

How about you?