SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini....

Each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me" said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothin", said the irishman. "Me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

An Irishman arrived at JFK airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick..

"No," he replied, "I 've lost all me luggage."

"How'd that happen?" the employee asked."

"The cork fell out !" said the Irishman.

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An Irish priest is driving to New York, and gets stopped for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water." says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord ! He's done it again !"

Two Irishmen , Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a traumatic escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish...not the standard three.

Without giving it much thought, Partick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guiness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaniously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guiness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick, whose wish had been granted.

After along, tension moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick ! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat !!!"

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                              AN IRISH BLESSING

MAY THE SUN SHINE

ALL DAY LONG..

EVERYTHING GO RIGHT..

AND NOTHING WRONG...

MAY THOSE YOU LOVE

BRING LOVE BACK TO YOU..

AND MAY ALL THE WISHES YOU WISH

COME TRUE.

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MAY YOUR POCKETS

BE HEAVY...

AND YOUR HEART

BE LIGHT.

MAY GOOD LUCK

PURSUE YOU,

EACH MORNING

AND NIGHT.

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Like the gold of the sun...

Like the light of the day...

May the luck of the Irish,

Shine bright on your way.

Like the glow of a star,

And the lilt of a song...

May these be your joys,

All your life long.

The first batter approached the batter's box, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "Run! Run !"

The next batter hit a single and the irishman listened as the crowd again cheered, "Run ! Run !"

The Irishman enjoyed the game and began screaming with the fans. The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called, "Walk" and the batter started his slow trot to first base. The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Run, run ye stupid idiot, run !"

The people around him began laughing....

Embarrassed, the irishman sat back down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained, "He can't run...he's got four balls"

The Irishman stood up and screamed..

"Walk with pride, laddie !"  

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May you always have..

Walls for the wind..

A roof for the rain...

Tea beside the fire..

Laughter to cheer you..

Those you love near you..

And all your heart

Might desire.

MAXINE SAYS:

It's OK to pretend we're Irish on St. Patrick's Day.We pretend we're good on Christmas don't we?

If you find a four leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.

Pinch me on St. Patrick's Day, and the roads gonna rise up to meet your face.

I actually saw a green leprechaun once. After enough green beer, you see all kinds of stuff.

Will you be bringing noisemakers to the St. Patrick's Day party? Or will you be hiring a sitter?

No green food for me. I get enough of that from my fridge.

I finally figured out why Leprechaun's dress so funny. They're single guys who've never had a wife. 

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