Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking, single file...... The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man.

~

"I am sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

~

"My wife's "

~

"What happened to her?"

~

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

~

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

~

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife, when the dog turned on her."

~

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

~

"Can I borrow the dog?"

~

The man replied....."Get in line"

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

CHURCH BULLETIN

A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink...Looking around , he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine lookin' woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I've ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing....

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!!"

At this point the biker slowly stands up, takes the drunk by the collar, looks him square in the eye and says....................................

'GRANDPA.... GO HOME !!!"

RonnieSteve5852

Contributor ⭐⭐⭐

I know you have been lying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called"Depends".
Well, here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em, and Pamper' em. But when old people poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!
Hope this helps straighten out this issue for you.

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

Redneck cont.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean...

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

nell2

Contributor ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10.....

"Can I borrow the dog?" Get in line lol

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An old Italian man is dying...

He calls his grandson to his bedside.."Guido, I wan' you to lissina me.

I wan' you take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns..how about you leave me your Rolex instead?"

"You lissena me,boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed wid another man......

Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "Time's up?"

RonnieSteve5852

Contributor ⭐⭐⭐

I like Uncle Guido, I really do.

Subject: Law vs Psychology

FUNNY!!!!!

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university

library. He asked a girl "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice: " NO I DON'T WANT TO

SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the guy, he was

deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's

table and said with a laugh, "I study psychology, and I guess

you felt embarrassed, right?

The guy then responded in a very loud voice, "$500 FOR

ONE NIGHT? ... THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to

screw people".

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

Redneck cont.:

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say, "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is "Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV>

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood, and does a $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 m.p.h.

Y'all have a good day now ya hear !

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4, success is: not peeing in your pants

At age 12, success is: having friends

At age 16, success is: having a driver's license.

At age 20, success is: having sex

At age 35, success is: having money

At age 50, success is: having money

At age 60, success is: having sex

At age 70, success is: having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is: having friends.

At age 80, success is: not peeing in your pants!

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BonnieC10Author

Community Champion ⭐⭐

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Whatever you give to a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smlle , she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So......... if you give her any crap, be ready to recieve a ton of sh-- !