AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Re: 🤗🤎 WE are thinking of YOU! Please Stop By To... - Page 13

Anonymous · ‎02-03-2023

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WE cry, rejoice, talk, share!

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Grief & Loss Team 🤗

BillH490171 · ‎08-27-2023

Hey, count me in..

Bill

Winter2025VA · ‎08-28-2023

One Step At A Time 🤗

BillH490171 · ‎08-28-2023

Hey Nicole, I sure wish I had a magic wand or a prophetic response. For me so far, I look to refocus on something else. I may go for a walk, watch a TV show, heck I've even gone to the mall so shop. I find that getting out around people even strangers can help lift my spirits. For me, I realize that not changing my setting really helped out. Depression will be there for us and having a few tools in your tool bag can help.

Grief is just a crappy part of our lives and there no way around it. Depression rides along too. I've called my sister and brother once in a while too.

I guess, I'd just suggest get up and get out and leave it behind for a bit.

I'm working on a welcome speech (short as it can be) for my wife's memorial in a couple weeks. Its no fun, but we all want our spouses to be proud of us. She'll hear it and smile..

Bill

mc6844 · ‎09-01-2023

Bill I hope you and your adult kids have a nice memorial. We had one by the water with lots of flowers strewn. I realized how my kids and their spouses and my grandchildren needed a structured focus for the event. Maybe because it was outside. Their Dad was a Veteran. I played Amazing Grace and Flowers of the Forest by Dark Isle Bagpiper on youtube, and a sacred hymn. I started with having the youngest grandchild putting her flower in the water. And so on to the oldest one. Then my youngest adult child and spouse up to the oldest one and his spouse. The music made a good focus for grieving, and not tacky as I was afraid it could be. I asked my children to instruct the grandchildren that it was a somber occasion and to be respectful at all times. Which of course they did. Their Dad is in the military and they're well acquainted with loss. This particular son read a text from the Navy funeral services. We all struggled with memories of deployments in the family. For me, it was my son's deployments. The visual focus of the flowers floating towards the sanctuary of a cove was beautiful and comforting for all. It was a small cohesive service. I was surprised and honored to receive a flag from a Navy representative. We opted for cremation and small family/friends memorial. I wanted the kids to remember their Dad with respect. He'd been sick for a long time. And not the person he once was. I'm sure he was proud of them all that day as always.

I'm sure it will be fine for your family as well.

SueS788527 · ‎08-28-2023

Hi, Bill, good hearing from you. I guess we are all struggling with our grief. I like your ideas of getting out, which I have been doing too. I wanted to offer some ideas on your wife's memorial speech. I put a short revelation together right after my husband died and was at a loss on what to say. I kept it short too and incorporated a lot of comments from friends, neighbors and business acquaintances who knew him. It ended up being very genuine and a tribute to him and his longstanding good relations. Also, I strongly believe that all our loved ones are still with us in spirit and smiling down on us. That is why I planted some bushes and perennials that he loved, so I can remember the good times when were together enjoying the garden. Good luck with the memorial services. It will be a blessing and challenge, at least it was for me, but I felt better afterwards. Your friend, Sue

BillH490171 · ‎08-28-2023

Sue, thanks for the note and I'll certainly use your advice. My kids who have helped me during this time (they wrote their Mom's obit for me) have suggested that we buy potted plants from Lowes and that way folks can take one home to plant if they want. My wife was a lifelong gardener.

I know that my threshold for a welcome speech will be short (can't talk too well when when I start crying) so I'll keep it short.

For me its one of the ongoing tests for this entire challenge. I know I'll feel better afterwards.

Bill

SueS788527 · ‎08-28-2023

Hi, Bill, you have the right approach. I cried through most of my revelations at my husband's funeral. They say that tears represent all the love you feel for you loved one. So please do not feel ashamed about shedding tears. It is natural. Also, I recently read that sometimes those who grieve need to remember that family members are also grieving, only in their own way and time. That is why we need to be gentle with them as well. It is a tough time for all of us. Continue to take care of yourself and your kids. Sue

mc6844 · ‎08-27-2023

This makes the topics a little easier to follow. Thanks Nicole. I hope you're feeling a little more cheered up. God is always with you.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-26-2023

One Step At A Time 🤗

MarcyW882921 · ‎08-26-2023

How did you know Nicole @Winter2025VA that I am feeling just like that poor little kitty?

Marcy

Winter2025VA · ‎08-26-2023

One Step At A Time 🤗

MarcyW882921 · ‎08-26-2023

I hope Nicole @Winter2025VA that you were in bed just to have a day of rest and not because you weren't feeling well.

Marcy

Winter2025VA · ‎08-26-2023

One Step At A Time 🤗

MarcyW882921 · ‎08-27-2023

Nicole @Winter2025VA , These things do get you worked up and they always seem to happen on a weekend when you can't reach anyone to get to the bottom of it! Hopefully you were able to put it aside and keep your worry at bay until you can call them tomorrow.

Sleep well!

Marcy

Cadee2719 · ‎08-25-2023

Hello everyone. Had a great visit and tour of the Titanic Exhibition with my grandson. My son brought me some fresh blueberries so I baked blueberry scones this morning. I'll put the coffee on. Come on over! 😄