Contributor ⭐⭐

Is it possible to take comfort with a widower who may know what’s down the road?

Forum|Forum|2 years ago
September 7, 2023
25 replies
14327 views

I’m a new widow. Just 7 or so weeks. I know 3 widowers- my brother is one. But no one will talk with me. A spouse passing is life changing. Is this something men push down in their soul? Thanks for any answers.

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SummerOnTheWay1

Hi Kristine @KM547318 !

Sorry for your loss. 😥

I am NOT an expert, just grieving myself.

In my humble opinion, it depends on the person.

Some men NEED to talk.

Some women DO NOT.

And BOTH may have times when they talk and times when they don't.

We do have one guy on our team, Bill

@BillH490171 - he may have some insights for you. He is also a griever.

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

🤗🤗🤗

k

C

Cadee2719

Community Champion ⭐

Kristine, I am sorry for you loss. October 30 my husband will be gone one year. I am still searching for the answers. I find that people don't talk about death because they do not want to hurt you, knowing how vulnerable you are at this time. Often, they simply do not know what to say. Men, I think, have this responsibility to be STRONG or at least appear to be strong around their family and friends. The loss of a spouse is hard on both genders each is as vulnerable as the other. This site has been my saving grace with the freedom and ease to discuss our feelings and insecurities. A recommended book from this site is WIDOW TO WIDOW which I have now read TWICE and find very helpful. It will soon be a year of my husband's passing; yet I continue to search for the answers. I take a step forward and two back on some days, but I am still continuing the journey. The people here are kind and caring and are willing to share their journey. I pray that this will help you.

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

I purchased, the “widows to widow” book, and I appreciate you telling me.

k

SummerOnTheWay1

Hi Kristine @KM547318 , NO PRESSURE - but WE would like to "invite" you to check out OUR discussions!

WE would be "honored" to hear YOUR thoughts on OUR topics. 👍

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

Hi Nicole,

It was very nice of you to invite me. I appreciate your offer this is a weird place to be right now and it would be great to get some feedback.

k🤗

mc6844

Community Champion ⭐⭐

Kristine it will probably get weirder. Big changes bring uncomfortable feelings. But this too shall pass. It's only feelings. There's a lot to do at times like this. Doing a little each day gets us there. And helps us to realize we do have some control and say in our lives. Because death even when expected, throws a curve ball when it arrives. So slow and steady daily activities keep us grounded. Take care!

jonibee

Community Champion ⭐⭐

Perhaps joining a grief group within your locale is what you need as the meetings would allow you to speak your mnd. You need to adjust to your loss and find yourself again. Do something that brings you joy be it a hobby or an activitiy something to fill that void. Relationships usually come from ones interests or a shared expeience. Try to get out of your shell and mingle with others, If you like to read join a book club at the library or volunteer ..People handle their grief in many ways .Start a journal where you can express your inner thoughts....I hope you are able to come to terms with your loss..

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

Hello Joni

You have some good ideas. Thank you for them.
k

SummerOnTheWay1

Kristine @KM547318 , you are in my thoughts TODAY!

Nicole 🤗

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

🤗 thanks Nicole

BeatleloverKT

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

@KM547318 I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone

grieves differently but men definitely grieve

differently then women. I agree that a support

group would be good for you. You can express

your feelings openly with no expectations.
You could also opt for one on one counseling.

Our post about grief and loss readings may

help you as well 💜🙏

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

Thank you KT.

k

mc6844

Community Champion ⭐⭐

I'm sorry for your loss Kristine. The more you express your feelings and emotions the better you will feel. This site helps because the focus is on the grieving and the topic options and not scattered in all directions. The good people here can help you with sage suggestions. The discussions help to

gain a footing in this time of adjustments. You can stop in whenever you feel like it. I feel at home here, like I'm in the right place. You're right that people feel uncomfortable talking about grief. Especially dying and death. Except it's so much a part of life. The people here have a lot of good and diverse thoughts on these topics.Take care!

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

Thank you for taking the time to write me. I am sorry for your loss too

k

SummerOnTheWay1

Dear Kristine @KM547318 , how are you today? 🤔

Nicole 🤗

K

KM547318Author

Contributor ⭐⭐

Thank you for asking Nicolle. Just feeling lonely today.

I bought the book “widow to widow,” and it’s a relief to know that craziness sometimes comes when grieving

Blessings to you

k

C

Cadee2719

Community Champion ⭐

Hi Kristine. I am so glad that you got the book Widow to Widow. I read it shortly after my husband's death and found that I really didn't absorb the message. I have recently read it again and find it very helpful. You need to take your time, do things on "your" schedule and not feel the need to apologize for doing so. I am the type of person that needs the "Quiet Time" to heal, to think, to process my thoughts. Others need to be surrounded by people to help them through this journey. It is safe to share your thoughts and concerns here. We are all on the same journey and none of us are experts in the advice we share, simply sharing our walk through this pain and recovery. I wish you the strength and love to heal.

E

eh8214

Contributor ⭐

A friend’s husband passed away after being together for 76 yrs & couldn’t find help for companion at night. I feel this is an issue AARP can address organizing a volunteer group for short term help.