🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

@SummerOnTheWay1  Greiving from a suicide is especially hard. We lost my 19 year old niece to suicide in 2012. There are no words to describe what it feels like. There are, of course, so many "what ifs" and "if onlys". My niece had bi-polar disorder. I had a fight with her the last time I saw her. And we NEVER fought. I was caregiving for both parents at the time and one was in the hospital and it was Christmas and it was all just too much and I blew up at her because she wouldn't help.

I have come to a place of peace with it. I know she forgives me and I forgive her and all is well with her soul. But it was very hard to accept and so hard to grasp. I wrote her a letter and burned it to sort of symbolically let the ashes of that letter lift up to her. That helped. My sister (her mother) has done many things to deal with grief, including things to honor our Shaelee - she helped build a home for people with low incomes, she planted a beautiful garden in her memory etc. etc. Actively doing things to honor them can be so helpful. 

With suicide, we struggle to understand why they did what they did. It's such a shock. Learning about bi-polar and suicide has helped so you might try some of that eventually when you are ready. 

As you grieve your loved one who has died from suicide, there are some groups that can help, depending on your relationship with the person who has died.

• My sister, as a parent losing a child, got help from a group called Compassionate Friends for people who have lost a child.
• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has a section of their website for those who have lost someone to suicide, including ways to connect to others in similar situations. 
• The Suicide Prevention Resource Center has good resource list of other organizations specific to loss from suicide. 

I also read several books that were helpful, but I don't have them with me right now and can't remember the names. When you are ready, a google or Amazon search will bring up some good books. 

I know it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It has, so of course you feel that way. Do what you need to do right now - what works for YOU. There is no one right way to grieve and no timeline or order for how you feel at any given point in time. This is your grief, and you can learn and get support from others who are also grieving, and you don't have to follow their path either. 

Try to get sleep (talk with doc if you're having trouble), eat health meals and drink a lot of water. One moment at a time. The pain will eventually lessen, although of course it never goes completely away. But it will get easier to get through the day and you will fill joy again I promise. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving

Don't be afraid to stop and pause when a memory  a moment in time when our love one was by our side.  Remember,and if you close your eyes for just a minute, they will feel like they are right there. I shed a tear, but I feel the strength and i can smile now it is almost a warmth of hug around me, for I am Alone now, and never thought that would be.  .And keep telling the stories,those important moments, over and over, as we need to. The right people in your life will always listen. Even if you cry each time it's ok,cause one day you will laugh at the silly moments in time that we were so fortunate to have. Blessed it Be.

Hi Nicole @SummerOnTheWay1! 

I am back home safe and sound! It is a new adventure traveling alone. Some parts were OK and others not so much. I'm glad I gave a short trip a try.

Marcy

6 comments (Monday 10/30/23)

Dear Cadee @Cadee2719 , YOU are ALWAYS here for us IN SPITE of losing your hubbie, son and brother ALL WITHIN A FEW MONTHS of each other.

You are SO STRONG AND CARING and I luv you SO MUCH my friend.

I am ALWAYS here for you 💙💙💙

You are in my prayers and thoughts,

I am more vigilant about identifying things each day that I am grateful for. When any angry feelings arise, I am taking a step back and thinking through the situation. Both have reduced my level of stress.

Marcy

Yes Nicole @SummerOnTheWay1! I am looking forward to the time change! I want my hour back.

Marcy

Nicole @ NicoleW439658, 

I am waiting on a table for my kitchen and a screw for my bathroom towel bar and my remodeling will finally be done! I am so close!

Marcy

I am thinking of you too Nicole @SummerOnTheWay1!

Marcy

Just checking in to say hello...I have to return to the Ortho doctor for a cortisone shot next week as my fingers are still numb feeling. Next week will be the one year anniversay of my husband' passing...My daughters and I will visit a restaurant in his memory as he use to like to go out to eat periodiaclly and enjoyed doing so along with family..So in his honor we shall share a meal together...Life goes on as it well should but it is a bitter sweet time for me with out him here...Thank You for thinking of me...jonibee

Jonibee @jonibee ,

Since I can cross my fingers, I will do that with hope that you will find some relief at the Ortho doctor for your fingers next week. I'm glad you have plans with family for getting through your one year anniversary. Sending thoughts for healing and strength as you go through the week.

Marcy